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Or should I do CC?

(34 Posts)
GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 09:46:33

Basically my husband is adamant I should do controlled crying with DS2, 7.5 months. DS2 and I co-sleep in the spare room. He has always been a very needy baby. Milk protein allergy, reflux etc, but we seem to have his feeding under control now he is on solids and he is doing much better. He will sleep happily nexto me from 11-6am, sleeping by himself (after an hour of cuddling) from 7pm-11pm.

He can't settle himself at all, but just being nexto me comforts him all night. If he wakes up before I go to bed I just pick him up for 2 minutes, pop in his dummy and he goes back to sleep, not a problem.

The problem is that my husband won't co sleep with him, hence why we are in separate rooms. He believes that DS2 needs to learn the skills to self soothe. Also, I have 2 year old, who I have at home with me too and trying to get DS2 to sleep during the day can be a struggle, running back and forth trying to get him to sleep, whilst making sure DS1 is ok.

So basically am I being unreasonable to the rest if my family by allowing DS2 to be so clingy?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

bumbleymummy Sat 10-May-14 09:59:51

YANBU, Why won't your DH come in with you?

GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 10:04:21

We did a slightly less rigid version of cc with DS1 and it worked great so he doesn't understand why I won't do it with DS2. My husband has never done a night waking so not sure why he cares so much.

Pugaboo Sat 10-May-14 10:07:17

YANBU, as long as you can handle it yourself (i.e. It's not getting to you so much that your husband is acting out of concern for your health). 7.5 months is still young.

Pugaboo Sat 10-May-14 10:07:56

PS your husband is BU for no night wakings! Bloody hell...

GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 10:10:52

No. I think he genuinely thinks it is best for DS2, but he is a sensitive little soul so I disagree.

I would love for him to be able to self settle, but don't know a 'kind' way.

Nennypops Sat 10-May-14 10:13:54

I agree, 7.5 months is too young. At that age all a child knows about CC is that he is being left in distress for longer, he doesn't learn from it.

catgirl1976 Sat 10-May-14 10:18:32

CC worked wonders for us but we did it at about 11 months. 7.5 seems a bit little to me.

Whilst it did work brilliantly and quickly, it was very tough and I couldn't have done it if DH and I were not totally on the same page on it and supporting each other.

At 7.5 months I co-slept and it saved my life

DH also did his fair share of night wakings. Your DH should be helping you.

greatbigwhale Sat 10-May-14 10:20:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GobbolinoCat Sat 10-May-14 10:21:15

I dont think the child is clingy I think its natural for babies to want to be close to their mother.

however, if you want to get some normality and space it....FWIW we are in same situ, end up co sleeping most of the night we are 15months...and I am going to start to disengage.

Whathaveiforgottentoday Sat 10-May-14 10:35:51

I think 7.5 is a little too young so I'd go with your instincts.

BarbarianMum Sat 10-May-14 10:42:53

Learning to self-settle is an important skill and 7.5mo is not to young to learn it IMO. What is happening now doesn't sound too great - esp you having to dash b/w baby and toddler.

That doesn't mean you have to do CC though. What about a more gradual withdrawl method. Start by sitting rather than lying next to the baby, with your hand on him. When he can settle like that, remove your hand. When he's OK with that sit across the room etc etc. Might take a few weeks but not exactly child cruelty.

Another problem w your current method is that you, and only you, can settle your baby. This is likely to get worse not better as he gets older.

Finally, if its not right for you now, maybe agree an age when you will tackle it with your dh. I have a friend who still has to settle her 9 year old dd every single night, so don't assume that these things always resolve themselves. Many parents have to do something at some point.

Preciousbane Sat 10-May-14 11:25:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuddingAndHotMilk Sat 10-May-14 11:45:45

I'd say 3 things

1. Follow your instincts (don't do CC)
2. Your LO is too young to 'learn to self settle (don't do CC)
3. Read all the research currently showing that CC can be damaging (don't do CC)

(I'm going to ignore everyone who now flames me for daring to suggest that CC is damaging. I don't judge anyone for doing it but I will encourage ppl not to)

LadyCybilCrawley Sat 10-May-14 12:04:40

Agree with Pudding 100 %

Only thing cc will teach a 7.5 month old baby is that you are ignoring him

He cries for a reason - even if it is "i need you mummy"

Stupidgrl Sat 10-May-14 12:14:08

"I did CC at six months with DS but we both wanted this."
I doubt very much you both wanted this, Preciousbane! wink

Stupidgrl Sat 10-May-14 12:15:47

If he doesn't "do" any night wakening at all, I don't think he gets a say.

GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 13:32:46

Yeah that's what I thought. Thanks everyone. The main thing for me is the daytime naps and rushing between baby and toddler. I would like him to be able to settle for them without so much shushing and rocking.

GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 13:33:56

I think precious means her and her DH not her and her baby wanting it?

puntasticusername Sat 10-May-14 17:14:28

There is nothing wrong with teaching a 7 month old baby to self-settle. I'd be wary about how much crying to allow, though, given the health issues you've mentioned.

In the end it doesn't really matter what approach you take to your children's sleep, as long as it works for the whole family - and it sounds as if this may be the difficult bit for you - you and your DH can't agree?

Try reading Dr Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for inspiration - he gives excellent advice in my experience.

junkfoodaddict Sat 10-May-14 17:19:03

I did CC at about 2 months! (Not sure if same thing though). Put DS down at 7am. He cried - went in to sooth him until he stopped - quick cuddle and down again - cried a few minutes later - went in to sooth and repeat. It was only 20-30 minutes of this and each time we left it a little longer.
He's now 2.4yrs, sleeps 12 hours a day, self-sooths and is never a pick of bother when it comes to bed times. Sometimes (like today) he takes himself up to bed for his nap!

Stupidgrl Sat 10-May-14 17:27:18

Vegemite, I did get that! But think it's worth pointing out there are more than two people in the equation.

PuddingAndHotMilk Sat 10-May-14 17:40:01

Junk @ 2 months old? sadconfused
Even Gina Ford wouldn't suggest that.

Finney2 Sat 10-May-14 18:01:11

Your 7.5 month old wakes once in the night? What exactly does your H expect?!

GiveMeVegemite Sat 10-May-14 19:16:14

It's more that it takes me about an hour until he is settled enough to go to sleep in the evening. So I get him to sleep around 7, then it takes an hour before I can leave him, otherwise he will wake and cry for me.

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