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Would you go to someone's party on your birthday ?

(22 Posts)
olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 09-May-14 13:45:16

Ok it's a wee bit more complicated than the title suggests .

Dd is making her first holy communion tomorrow . We got the date in September (made by the bishop nothing we can do) and it turned out it was the day after DHs 30th birthday . So we decided to have a wee "do" after the mass in a hall nothing massive just close family and friends , then after that head into town to celebrate DHs birthday .

So about 6 weeks ago DHs best friend tells us he is having a 30tb birthday party but not the weekend after his birthday , the following Friday instead . Which is DHs 30th and the night before DDs communion .

Everyone said they would still go to the communion . And now today has arrived and DHs friends have started texting him saying "sorry mate won't be able to make the communion tomorrow"

I wasn't going to go to the party anyway because I've got too much to do tomorrow , but now dh is thinking no one is going to come to DDs communion tomorrow because they'll be too hungover from tonight , and it's making him not want to go tonight .

(Ps last weekend was DDs birthday and they didn't bring their DDs to her party because they were out celebrating his birthday . Which is but not even a text to say they weren't coming or to say happy birthday)

So , would dh be unreasonable not to go tonight ? I know they can have a party any day they want it's not like we have dibs and he wasn't bothered at first at all but now it's came round I think he's just a bit gutted .

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 09-May-14 13:52:02

So today is your DH's birthday? And friends of his are already out (at lunchtime) celebrating someone else's birthday and your DH is due to join them later? And some of his friends are anticipating being so hungover tomorrow that they are already saying they can't come to the communion?

If I've got it all right, then no, DH would not be unreasonable to not go. Actually, if the group are planning on getting so shit-faced at this early stage, then DH might be better off not going to ensure that he is fully fit for DD's big day tomorrow!

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 09-May-14 13:53:31

No sorry you've kind of got it half right grin

They are going to DHs friends party tonight . Tomorrow - supposed to be going to DDs communion and then our for drinks for DHs birthday . But they've already started cancelling for tomorrow .

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 09-May-14 13:55:17

Are these good friends BTW? I've never understood adults who make such a fuss of their own birthdays, especially to the extent of missing both of DD's special days due to celebrating one adult birthday.

But I accept I may be alone in that view.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 09-May-14 13:56:44

Ah, OK. Are they cancelling for the whole of tomorrow - communion and DH's birthday drinks? Or just for the communion?

TBH, if I was your DH I'd probably be too pissed off to bother going.

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 09-May-14 13:57:05

Yes they all grew up together known each other since they were 3 . They all turn 30 this year .

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 09-May-14 13:58:12

I'm not sure actually if it's they while day . But I know dh would rather they came for dd rather than later for him . Selfless as he is wink grin

glasgowstevenagain Fri 09-May-14 13:59:05

Some friends sad

How about they go to the party and dont get hammered to they can make the communion.

BolshierAyraStark Fri 09-May-14 14:07:59

They sound like great friends hmm

No your DH WNBU to give tonight a miss.

WyrdByrd Fri 09-May-14 14:14:47


I guess this will sort the wheat from the chaff wrt to your DH's friendships.

Our main groups of friends is similar in nature - childhood friends that DH grew up with, plus wives & girlfriends that all appeared with in a couple of years and all our kids born quite close together.

I couldn't imagine any of them cancelling something that important at the last minute without good reason, but then none of them would arrange their birthday celebration on the same weekend as another's (and this happens a lot with the kids as we have 5 September babies between us!)

It's always a joint celebration, or arranged in advance so everyone can attend both.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 09-May-14 14:16:52

Are the friends also church goers? If not, I am wondering whether they are failing to see the importance of the communion itself and therefore think it's acceptable just to recover in time for the birthday drinks later in the day. Although that shouldn't really matter, as the communion is clearly important to their friend.

Have you been to similar things for any of their DCs? Or are you likely to be expected to in the future?

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 09-May-14 15:51:36

Funny you should say Santa yes . The friend who's party is tonight, his dd made her communion last year and everyone went to that .

Dh text him saying he wasn't sure he would make tonight we are swamped with prep for tomorrow . He text back saying no problem . Not even a happy birthday angry poor dh I feel so bad for him sad

SirChenjin Fri 09-May-14 15:54:50


They are 30 year olds, not 17 - surely they can go out to a party and not drink so much that their hangover is so bad that they can't go to their close friend's daughter's communion. Regardless of whether or not you are church goers, if you've accepted the invitation you go - not cancel because of an anticipated hangover sad

SoonToBeSix Fri 09-May-14 15:57:59

No yanbu the friends seem selfish.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sat 10-May-14 14:41:04

Oh dear, poor DH! His "friend" needs to learn a thing or do about being a friend hmm.

I hope you are all having a lovely day today though, I'm sure the important people will be there for you smile. Try not to worry about everyone else.

Groovee Sat 10-May-14 14:42:09

Hope you have a lovely day today and that people do make an effort for your dd and dp

olaflikeswarmhugs Sun 11-May-14 09:25:02

Thanks everyone thought I'd come on and give a wee update on what happened yesterday .

4 of his friends +wives/girlfriends turned up for DDs communion. The friend who had the birthday party on Friday night turned up late and left early (his wife's friends dc was making his too and they went to that - it was very clear she didn't want to be at DDs at all and neither did their DDs)

A few people text to cancel but most of them just didn't turn up .

Only DHs friend who had the party on Friday turned up later to celebrate DHs birthday . He left after about an hour .

The people who went out celebrating DHs birthday were my dsis his dsis and their friends (they've all been friends for years) and a few of my friends and their DPs .

The communion was the most beautiful day and she had a lovely day , dh had a great night he's paying for it now though , so fuck them all gringringrin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 11-May-14 10:30:00

I'm glad you had a nice day. smile

I was a bit confused in your OP because you said close family but then 'friends'... it doesn't sound like these friends are close really but perhaps your invite was extended to all available family members?

flipchart Sun 11-May-14 10:41:35

To be honest as a non church goer I wouldn't really be interested in someone else's communion let alone their kids.
I would have declined the invite in the first place.
To me a communion is avery significant event for the family of the person having he communion.

I would be up for a night out and a party though.
My son had communion ( his father is a church goer and practising catholic). The people that attended was me, DH and DS2. I can't understand why friends and WAGs were invited tbh.

SirChenjin Sun 11-May-14 10:48:06

It doesn't matter why they were invited - the fact is, they were, and they accepted. To do what some of them subsequently did is just plain ignorant.

IwinIwin Sun 11-May-14 12:04:40

YANBU OP. The fact they also cancelled your DP's 30th says where their priorities lie- with the other friend the night before. I wouldn't bother on their birthdays.

Kundry Sun 11-May-14 12:11:21

Glad your DD had a lovely day. Your DH might want to review his friendship list though and have a think about whether his 'best friends' have changed.

If you have family and his friends now have families priorities for everyone may have changed - for example friend's wife's friends seems to be more important than friend's friends.

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