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To not want this woman to keep pointing out how short DS is ALL the time?

(74 Posts)
fairyfairyscruff Thu 08-May-14 19:48:15

DS is 4. He is not 5 until the end of July. He attends school full time, and is the youngest in his class. He is quite small, think he was on the 25th centile when he had that weighing/measuring thing done earlier in the school year, but I'm not bothered as he eats well, and there are several other boys in his class of the same height. DH is very tall but was always small as a child, so I guess DS is the same.

There is a mum at school who has an older DD in the same year as my older DD. I know her to say hello to, but she's an acquaintance rather than a friend. I don't know her well. She has twin boys who are in DS's class. Their birthday is the first week in September, so they are almost a whole year older than DS, and they are both very tall.

Ever since DS started school in September, this woman has gone on and on about how short he is. If ever I am standing with her at school drop off or pick up, she makes a comment about how he is so short, or he doesn't look old enough to be in school, and isn't it funny how her sons are so much taller than DS.

Also sometimes if she is standing near me at pick up, she forgets (or pretends to forget!) that DS goes to school. So he will come out, as will her boys and she will say something to DS like "Mini Fairy, just think, next year you will be going to big school, too". Then I say "He already goes to school, he's in the same class as your boys", she acts all shocked and then talks again about how small he is, and she forgets that he goes to school.

It is really starting to irritate me now. AIBU to get pissed off with her comments? I think she has a sense of superiority because her twins are tall, but it's not a competition. Kids are all different, right? Avoiding her isn't really an option as it's quite a small school and she often comes and stands near me at collection time.

OftheTwilighttheDarkness Thu 08-May-14 19:51:58

She sounds like a knob.
Difficult as it is just ignore her, she is rude.

Pointeshoes Thu 08-May-14 19:55:34

Just say back how tall her kids are,ask how old are they again because they act quite young don't they.

Or just ignore smile silly

greenfolder Thu 08-May-14 19:57:12

agree, sounds like an idiot. fwiw, dd who is 6 is off the scale at the other end and hates it being pointed out to her how she looks like she should be in year 3.

I would just say "havent we already had this conversation? and change the subject.

Flexiblefriend Thu 08-May-14 20:00:01

YANBU, how irritating. I've had someone do similar regarding my DD. That said when people do things like that, I tend to think it is usually due to some sort of insecurity on their part. I would feel sorry for her if I were you. It is quite sad if she needs to put a child down to feel better about herself or her DC's!

Donttrustyoursil Thu 08-May-14 20:02:10

That is very annoying

I would roll my eyes at her and say yes you have said to me many times

SaucyJack Thu 08-May-14 20:04:54

Sometimes, people just say these sorts of things over and over again because they don't know you well enough or are too dull to have a proper conversation.

But if she thinks that DC height is some sort of competition that she's winning in some way, then more fool her. Who gives a shit how tall her sons are?

thefirstmrsrochester Thu 08-May-14 20:10:31

YANBU

You could

- ignore
- tell her to eff off
- congratulate her on her powers of observation
- thank her for noticing
- ask her why size matters so much to her

DD had this from nursery, same mother still refers to her as 'poor' missrochester. Dd is 14, tiny, pursuing a career in ballet, and gets the highest score in the stamina tests each year in PE. Hardly a girl to be pitied for lack of height.

She is projecting her issues, ignore, or employ any of the above tactics.

oneearedrabbit Thu 08-May-14 20:11:12

Yes she is a real bore.
Out of interest, comparatively, how tall are you two women? Did you know, sons generally grow as tall or taller than their mothers? So if you happen to be taller than boring woman, you could throw this into the conversation airily at some point, I e yr son could end up taller than her two ...

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 08-May-14 20:12:40

I would tell her to 'give it a rest love'.

PaulinesPen Thu 08-May-14 20:12:48

God how annoying. I have had all this with mine being tall. I had noticed what with me being their mum hmm Try going rather quiet. Never underestimate the volumes a nice uncomfortable silence can speakwink...then say 'yes you mention this to me every single time we meet. Why?confused'

CarmineRose1978 Thu 08-May-14 20:23:54

I'm not sure what to advice, but you're definitely not being unreasonable. That kind of passive aggressive bullshit drives me insane with rage, because if you respond in kind, suddenly you're the rude one.

You could just say 'Excuse me?' or 'I beg your pardon?' with a really stony face next time she says it, then let her flounder.

Joylin Thu 08-May-14 21:16:47

Sharply point out that she always mentions his height and you both get the picture, she thinks he's short, fascinating, now she needs to shut up and stop trying to give your kid a complex.

yadnbu. She is unbelievably rude and being hurtful toward your child. Put her in her place.

elliejjtiny Thu 08-May-14 21:17:41

Next time she says that she forgets your DS is at school already, just smile sweetly and say that he shouldn't have started yet but he is so clever the HT let him come a year early grin.

rabbitrisen Thu 08-May-14 22:01:02

I would either not say a word every time she does that[if you think that she will even notice for quite some time], or say each and every time "and your boys are tall" with a straight face. Again, eventually she might notice and it might make a difference.

If neither of those worked after a while, I would end up having a blunt conversation with her, but said in a nice tone and slight smile and grin and nod.

rowna Thu 08-May-14 22:08:26

Maybe she is just manically trying to make conversation. Or she's just weirdly competitive. I' d go with"yes, you have said that many times". I think that gives the message politely.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby Thu 08-May-14 22:09:32

I would just say, "yes, you mentioned it... I think you'll find that your boys are a whole year older than DS... And yet they are being measured against the same benchmark, but DS seems to be coping really well, despite being so much younger".

HypodeemicNerdle Thu 08-May-14 22:11:37

Urgh I'm going to get this next year. I have a dinky august born DD who will be starting school in September. She's currently the same height as friends a year younger. Still, she'll be in uniform so no one will be able to 'forget' she has started school

I'm thinking I would go with rolling my eyes and some bored sounding sarcasm. She sounds very annoying

revealall Thu 08-May-14 22:13:53

I got the rage with a friend of my friend. This woman laughed at her son and suggested he needed a grow bag.
Who actually thinks that's Ok? If I had known her myself I would have pointed out that her large daughter that she ended up boasting about to needed a shrink bag as she was obviously overweight. But that would have been rude.
For what it's worth many of the smaller boys at my school shoot up to a normal size. Fat children become thin and some thin ones go the other way. So it's pointless to make comments at this stage.

QuintsKazooo Thu 08-May-14 22:59:26

She is bullying your child. What a nasty woman.

mineofuselessinformation Thu 08-May-14 23:11:39

How about 'why do you keep saying that? I don't really understand the point you're trying to make.'

MistressDeeCee Fri 09-May-14 01:32:14

Tell her to stop. My DD was a short child, at 19 she is still just 5ft. People, especially adults, going on about your DS height will give him a complex. Children are not deaf, they can hear whats beinh said about them. Who does she think she is? She is unpleasant and sorry, I wouldnt need to be on here or ask anyone Id have told her to keep her mouth shut ages ago.

VenusDeWillendorf Fri 09-May-14 02:23:54

I agree the persistent targeted personal comments amount to bullying.

You must stand up for your DS, and say, "Why do you keep making personal comments about my son. It's very rude. I think you should find something else to talk about, because I'm not interested in your opinion."
Or just the old reliable MN "do you mean to be so rude".

Have a chat with the head teacher if she continues.

mathanxiety Fri 09-May-14 02:46:48

Ask her if she realises that is the 77th (or whatever) time she has made a remark about your DS's height since the start of the year.

Ask her if she has some sort of problem interacting with people because you don't want to think badly of her if she does, but if her only problem is with your son's height, to kindly can it.

OwlinaTree Fri 09-May-14 04:29:26

Maybe she's jealous of you still having a 'little one' while hers are so big and tall?

Whatever the reason she's behaving very rudely.

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