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to be fed up with bored neighbour + wwyd?

(23 Posts)
bluebirdidol Tue 06-May-14 11:31:21

A bit of a long story...
A woman in our street (few doors down) has an 11 year old son, we have a 6 year old DD. We are on good terms with them and happily chat to them when we see them etc. This weekend for the first time in months we've stayed around the house to do jobs at home and in garden.
Woman and her DS don't seem to go out much. This weekend my partner was doing jobs in the front garden and each time he put his head out the door, within minutes (and I mean minutes if not seconds!) woman and her DS came out for a chat. Then they watched him doing his repointing of the house. The kid didn't seem to have much to do with himself and was just fooling around the front gardens. DD who was happily helping her dad thought she wanted to join in. Fine for a little while but the boy was getting quite boisterous (he was bored). I came out and asked him if he wanted to come into our garden to play. He played quite nicely with all the toys we had etc. 10 mins later the mum comes round to ask him to come back, ends up staying 20 mins at our house chatting and commenting how my kitchen isn't as tidy as it used to be ...
Next day, same scenario. Partner continues with his repointing of the house. Woman + DS come out and watch him for a bit. Woman even said it was better than watching TV ... Then later in the day, jobs finished. Relax time. DD happily doing some stickers at the back of the garden. Knock on the door woman + DS with a couple of ladybirds in a box asking if DD would like to have a look at them. My partner answered the door and didn't know what to say so called for DD even though he was thinking she knew what ladybirds look like! Then woman and DS ask if she wants to go over and release the ladybirds in their garden(!!). Anyway o/h + DD trundle off to their house ... Back again 10 mins later.
In itself it's no bother but then I just feel that whenever they don't know what to do they come round with silly pretences to generate interaction. Over half term she knocked on the door with DS one day to tell me the gym had a reduced membership offer and I'm pretty sure it was because she thought DD was there too (she wasn't). And this time it was 2 days in a row which we felt was a bit much, esp as we don't normally have much time to ourselves at home. Am I aibu to feel hacked off? I'm a bit worried she'll keep doing that, esp now that summer is coming. She knows when we are in our garden etc...
It just seems like that woman can't get a life or organise one for herself and the kid. We never see her DS (or herself) with a friend, he doesn't play with kids his age in the street. One day we went to a craft session at our local community centre and she turned up with him (he is 11!!!). It was something like making a beetle out of the paper plate. It was obvious they were regulars at that session but I felt really sorry for the kid as he was way over the age of those attending... We are half an hour away from central London so really the world is your oyster if you want to in terms of activities, even free ones.
Don't want to be rude to them at all (esp the DS who I feel quite sorry for) but would like to be able to gently suggest that he finds entertainment elsewhere!!

Feminine Tue 06-May-14 11:54:58

I feel a bit sorry for you. I don't like forced neighbour interactions...when I'm in my garden I like to be left alone.

I have to remember that not everyone is like that though.

I don't think anything that little boy is doing is wrong though, or not age appropriate.

bluebirdidol Tue 06-May-14 12:00:13

No moaning about the boy at all, more his mum, who I don't think can think of things for him to do ...

Feminine Tue 06-May-14 12:05:40

It does sound a bit like that.

I think it would be tough to help her, as your daughter is a different age group.

You can't just suggest you do things together can you?

thebodylovesspring Tue 06-May-14 12:11:08

Feel for you op as this would drive me crackers.

I have friends who we invite over or get invited to.

I don't like drop ins and knocks on the door as we have very littie while family time and it's previously guarded.

It's odd he doesn't have mates to play with at 11. Feel sorry for him and her really but it's not up to you to be the entertainments officer.

gamerchick Tue 06-May-14 12:11:22

She commented on the tidiness of your kitchen? Cheeky git.

I have to admit that the first thought I had is she's got her eye on your dude.. but I'm cynical like that grin

SweetDreamz1 Tue 06-May-14 12:14:36

Don't answer the door?

WhoNickedMyName Tue 06-May-14 12:17:34

She sounds harmless enough, you probably need to fob her off a bit, kindly but firmly. Nip it in the bud now or you'll have this all summer.

So when she knocked to tell you about the gym membership "oh thanks for that, I'll look into it. Sorry, I'm in the middle of cooking/cleaning/on the phone at the moment, I can't stop and chat".

Or when she knocked about the ladybirds "ah that's good of you but DD is doing some stickers/playing in the garden/about to have some lunch, thanks anyway, see you around" whilst smiling and closing the door over.

Really bright and breezy but firm.

Oldraver Tue 06-May-14 12:22:08

It just seems like that woman can't get a life or organise one for herself and the kid

Well it looks like thats what she's trying to do when interacting with you isnt it ?She's trying to get herself a life, its just she chose the wrong people. You are obviously not given off enough 'fuck off' vibes. You must try harder

Poor woman..

bluebirdidol Tue 06-May-14 12:53:41

gamerchick - no, the dad is around, well sort of ... smile He just keeps to himself. He was around that weekend, just inside their house doing his things. We don't know if he still lives there. Anyway my o/h was even more annoyed than me to have her chat while he was trying to do his pointing - he's no diy god!

Yes, poor woman, Oldraver ... don't mind interacting but this is getting too much! At random times. A few times over past few years I invited her over for a cuppa but it was always declined. Instead it's random invitations and it is SO obvious that it is when the boy is bored... So really no, I can't be asked.

Also when he did come round it's not like we have many toys on offer that are really for his age range either ...

There are other boys his age in the street but while he played with them 2-3 years ago he no longer does and we are quite puzzled that he doesn't seem to have friends round or go to friends.

KERALA1 Tue 06-May-14 12:56:53

I would hate this! Sympathies...

bluebirdidol Mon 12-May-14 13:57:37

Back on here with this! Feeling quite stressed now, probably just need to vent!!! But if anyone has any ideas how to deal with this let me know ...

Very busy Saturday going to kids party and seeing friends. Sun morning out, Sun afternoon � o/h loading stuff at the front of the house to go to dump � within mins neighbour out of her front door asking if my DD would like exchange some stickers or play with her son. O/h says we are busy right now possibly later. I was in the back garden getting stuff ready for him while DD was happily pottering with me. Mins later o/h gone, I�m with DD in the garden. She goes on her swing from which she can see neighbours on both sides when she goes higher up. She sees the boy next door (who by then has reappered at the back with his mum) and starts waving at him, telling him she�d been to a party the day before. Boy + neighbour wave back. I don't get involved, carry on with my gardening. DD gets off the swing comes and joins me with the digging. A min later the mum calls through the fence (there�s a garden between us) asking if DD wants to come over to theirs to exchange stickers to which I mutter sth like she had most of them but if your son wants to come over and have a look at what we have he is welcome. Neighbour ignores and suggests that maybe DD wants to come over and play? Feeling caught I turn round to DD who says she only wants to come and play if I go as well. I then tell the neighbour that no, I�m busy and DD won�t go on her own but if her son wants to come over he is welcome to, and also to look at the stickers if he wants. She looks at her son (who doesn't utter a word) and then says no, maybe next week. She then asks again if DD wouldn�t come on her own. To which I repeated no she didn�t want to. Then she said if my DD changed her mind and wanted to come over by herself later she was welcome to come. DD then realised that nothing was going to be happening and got upset.
What I must say is that I was relieved that DD didn�t want to go on her own as I didn�t want her to anyway. The neighbour had marital problems late last year that she told me about when she asked me about childcare. At one point she also said that her husband or ex (I�m not sure now) was not allowed in the house at the time. He also didn�t see the son for some time. He is now back on the scene and was at the house. We have no idea what happened there but I feel uncomfortable with this.
When my o/h came back I told him what had happened and he was really cross. He said the previous week neighbour kept repeating that DD would be able to come over and play with all of her son�s toys, as if to entice her, which he disliked. And yes I must say that yesterday she seemed so keen for my DD to go over by herself.
How can I stop being ambushed in my own garden?! And can I get some perspective on a behaviour that is starting to freak me out. It�s like she�s watching us. I should also say that the stickers were something she bought after she saw we were collecting them last week.
My o/h is thinking of telling her we hardly get family time so to back off next time she asks ...

gamerchick Mon 12-May-14 14:10:39

I think you're going to have to be blunt with her.. Both of you as a unit.. she's obviously not taking the hint.

Unexpected Mon 12-May-14 14:17:25

I think she is probably struggling to know what to do with her son, there must be some issues with the other boys as to why he no longer plays with them and perhaps she doesn't yet want him going off to the park or whatever on his own with friends. However, it's a bit odd to be so persistent in asking a 6 year old girl over to play with an 11 year old boys' toys. Surely whatever he is playing with - Lego, transformers etc - is going to be mainly too old for your daughter. Does her son even want to play with your dd?

I think I would try to invite her for a coffee (maybe at a cafe rather than your house) when the kids are at school and say that while you are happy for your daughter to play with her son sometimes, she is a different age/sex/has different interests and it can only be an occasional thing. Surely, this boy is almost secondary age? Or is already there?

bluebirdidol Mon 12-May-14 14:39:44

He is going to secondary next year. And my DD is quite a 'young' 6 year old.
In the past I invited her (to ours, not to a cafe) but she turned that down. She doesn't seem to be that interested in the interaction with us.
I have wondered whether she thought because ours was also an only child it was good for them to play together but my DD gets plenty of child interaction either with relatives or friends. My o/h wonders whether neighbour is suffering from mental health issues at the moment and thinks she has changed since we've known her.
This weekend SHE was keen but wasn't sure the boy really was. Maybe she thinks he gets bored ... but in that case why didn't she let him to come to ours rather than this insistence/persistence on our DD going to theirs...?

CarbeDiem Mon 12-May-14 14:53:12

I think you really need to say something to her now.
I also find it odd that she's trying to get your dd over to play with her son.
There's quite a big gap in age and I don't believe, as the mother of sons, that he'd be happy to 'play' with a 6 yr old girl. To entertain and amuse her for a short while - maybe.

HelenHen Mon 12-May-14 16:56:53

You don't need to say a anything and make it awkward. Just keep saying no thanks! Pretend it clingy and say dd isn't allowed in other houses on her own. Let her think you're weird and maybe she'll lose interest

WooWooOwl Mon 12-May-14 17:15:15

If your DH is prepared to talk to her and tell her to back off, then I'd let him get on with it. She needs to be told.

RedRoom Mon 12-May-14 18:07:05

The oddest thing is the way she acts as a voice box for her child. He's 11: can he not speak for himself? Why is she always asking your daughter to look at his ladybirds/stickers etc etc? It sounds like she's worried he has no friends and is keen to make him pal up with your dd.

Schadenfraud Mon 12-May-14 18:09:15

Totally agree Helen
She had no qualms about declining your invitations so don't feel guilty about that.

Looks like she still has no interest in you, and is more interested in your daughter. Even more bizarrely she wants her to play alone at their house and refuses to let her son play at yours..... No. Just no.

atos35 Mon 12-May-14 19:21:24

Yes it's weird. I have an 12 year old and I would never expect him to want to 'play' with a 6 year old unless it was a cousin or close friends child and then it would just be for a short time. He would have nothing in common with someone that age. For the past couple of years he's out and about with friends in his spare time playing football, riding bikes etc. I think you're gonna have to be blunt! Maybe just come out and say 'it will surely be a bit boring for a big lad to you to play with a 6 year old, do you have any friends nearer your age on the street you could call on?' In earshot of Mum, hopefully she will get the message.

bluebirdidol Tue 13-May-14 13:49:26

thanks for the comments - much appreciated. Feel less stressed now.
Will keep saying no.

Icelollycraving Tue 13-May-14 15:59:59

I think she's lonely. I also suspect there is a bit of a problem,perhaps her ds has been bullied & she feels safe with a younger girl as a friend for him.
Although you find it annoying.just be breezy & firm.

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