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I know I'm being petty, but AIBU also to not do this person a favour?

(138 Posts)
SumBex Sun 04-May-14 19:15:04

This concerns a woman whom I met through baby groups several years ago along with several other women. We had a bit of a run in at one point where she basically screamed in my DD's face after she pushed her DS over. I've never really forgiven her for this but remained civil for the sake of the wider friendship circle.

Fast forward a couple of years and our DC are in the same class at school. The friendship circle splintered a little while ago and I found out through a mutual acquaintance that she has said some things about me that aren't true to another ex-friend from the same group. All sounds pretty childish right?

Anyway, she's asked me for the details of a children's entertainer I used for DD'sbirthday party last year, but truthfully, I don't want to do her any favours. Plus we might use him again as DD has asked for the same party.

Now don't get me wrong, I know this is super petty but AIBU to not give her the details? I just don't feel like doing her any favours given our history. If IANBU how do I politely say no to her request?

dottytablecloth Sun 04-May-14 19:16:37

I don't think you can without sounding petty!

foslady Sun 04-May-14 19:16:59

I think I would forget she asked, or just say you can't remember and she can look in yellow pages....bat it back into her court....

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sun 04-May-14 19:17:06

I'd just say you don't have his contact details with you every time she asks you and be super forgetful. You are being a bit petty but I can totally understand why!

drinkyourmilk Sun 04-May-14 19:18:21

Just say you can't find them if you don't want to pass them on. If she asks for a name again just say you can't remember but you found him in the local directory or similar.

LettertoHerms Sun 04-May-14 19:18:50

"Oh gosh, I'm not sure where they are, I'm sure they're written done somewhere, could be in last years' papers, I'll have to tear the house apart..." deflect until it's too late, then happen to find them in time for your DD's party.

I don't see why you should have to be friendly to this woman anyway.

AryaOfHouseSnark Sun 04-May-14 19:19:01

Errrr, I would just pass along the details to her tbh. Or take her number and give it to the entertainer, who might give you a discount for passing business his way.
If you really don't want to do it, then maybe just pretend you have lost it rather than say no I don't want to give it to you, because, ya know, that would sound just a little bit silly.

MaryWestmacott Sun 04-May-14 19:19:12

"Sorry, I don't have the details anymore, his name is xxx, I'm sure you can find him." Let her google. Anything less makes you look like a loon.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 04-May-14 19:19:17

Give her the details for crap entertainer

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 04-May-14 19:21:26

lol, yes do what NoArmaniNoPunani said.

Or just say "oh yes, I must dig those details out for you!"

LindyHemming Sun 04-May-14 19:22:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SumBex Sun 04-May-14 19:23:20

Quite a few people have asked me for his details and I did pass them onto those people but I just don't want to give them to her. I don't even want to give her the name. I am fully aware this makes me a loon too grin. What can I say? I'm a bad grudge barer.

She's actually texted me for the details and I've ignored so far. I like your thinking armani, but knowing my luck, it would backfire and the new entertainer would be better wink.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Sun 04-May-14 19:27:06

So now she is going to spread around that she asked you for a children's entertainer, but you are so uptight and precious about stuff, that you refused to give it to her.

And it won't be a fib. It will be the truth.

Rise above it, give her the details, shrug it off.

OnlyLovers Sun 04-May-14 19:27:08

'I didn't keep any contact details but as far as I can remember, his name is [half-arsed recreation of name]. Hope you can find him!'

I do think you're being petty though, grudge or no grudge. Rather than worrying and posting about it you might as well give her the details and move on.

slartybartfast Sun 04-May-14 19:28:29

give her the wrong number grin

miramar Sun 04-May-14 19:29:05

Does she realise that you're not friends? Why not be honest and ask if she said whatever she did about you. And decide whether to give her the contact details depending on her response.

CoffeeTea103 Sun 04-May-14 19:29:40

Very petty and stingy. Just give it to her.

WorraLiberty Sun 04-May-14 19:32:14

Christ, it's a child's birthday and the child obviously likes this entertainer.

Her DS has done nothing to you, just give her the number and move on.

EverythingCounts Sun 04-May-14 19:32:17

Just say 'Sorry, I can't find the details' or as OnlyLovers says above.

I have no problem with you holding the grudge, btw, as my recent experiences in this sort of thing have led me to believe that people like this don't change and will continue to do you a disservice if they can, while still asking favours of you. The trick is not to get caught yourself. She can't argue with you saying you have lost the details. When you gave them to others, you still had them. If you give them to anyone else in the future, you'll have found them again wink

restandpeace Sun 04-May-14 19:32:29

Give her the details. She sounds awful but you have dcs in same class.

SumBex Sun 04-May-14 19:32:47

I guess that's why I posted because I know on one level that I am probably BU, but then again, I don't want to. She actually wound up making herself quite unpopular with the whole group because she was sneaky, underhand, competitive, and holier than thou whilst maintaining an air of being super nice which was so fake, it was nauseating. I have a looooong memory and haven't forgotten the way she has treated me. I think I would find it particularly galling to have to help her in any way. I think she should research children's entertainers and ring around like I had to.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 04-May-14 19:34:57

Yabu and petty. Just give her the details.

CrotchMaven Sun 04-May-14 19:36:48

You would be doing him a favour by referring work to him. Why would you not want to do that?

Forgettable Sun 04-May-14 19:38:30

Text her back this:

Sorry can't find the number. Cheers.

Then block her number on your phonio. Block on FB too (hazarding a guess you have FB in common too)

PortofinoRevisited Sun 04-May-14 19:38:37

Well you are a better person than her. And a better person would just give her the details with a smile. And feel smug about being a better person etc. Never stoop to their level.

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