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To think that if all interaction with schools is down to me, then I get to make decisions

(61 Posts)
stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 00:42:31


1. My DC are in independent schools and likely to stay that way. If that offends you, I am sorry but that's the way it is.
2. I am a FT WOHM. Ditto.

That said, I have all the interaction with school. I set up a meeting with school re DS. I just had to explain to DH why I set the meeting up. His reaction was to say that he should take the lead, and now he has stomped off because I didn't agree, given that we don't agree on the desired outcome.

(Disclaimer 3 - wine has been taken. On both sides. I still don't think IABU though)

2 days until meeting. Do I compromise or risk disagreeing in front of HT?

Littlef00t Sat 03-May-14 08:12:57

Funnily enough I think you both want the same outcome. In my book, cv building is focusing on all the non-academic stuff to demonstrate you are well-rounded. Joining clubs, doing sport etc would be exactly this. I presume if not worrying too much about homework etc, you will want him to have some targets and not just totally Coast, so working towards music exams etc might be good.

stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 08:32:30

Thanks, all. Unreasonableness is definitely on both sides, and to those saying let the school take the lead - yes, that's what I want too - we just need some consensus between me and DH as to what we want them to suggest. It's not the first time they have done it (there will be a child in doing his Y8 v2 when DS is doing v1) and I want to hear how they plan to keep it interesting.

Independent just equates to private /fee paying, BTW - it's not any sort of "alternative" school, but they have small classes and are teaching this particular lot to scholarship exams rather than CE. That means that there is a lot of individual teaching anyway. If DS had been borderline CE /scholarship then, I am told, they would recommend repeating Y7 instead, but he's not (he is at the top of the year group he is in now, IYSWIM) so the view is that Y8, for the scholarship group, is the best one to repeat.

Gah. I will attempt a sober conversation with DH later and get him to let me do it my way agree an approach.

fascicle Sat 03-May-14 08:35:23

YABU to think that you have all the decision making powers just because you deal with the school. Your dh is being unreasonable for saying he 'should take the lead'. Clearly, you need to come to some agreement together.

As Little suggests above, perhaps your desired outcomes are more similar than you think. All depends what your husband means by cv building.

I know your son sounds quite amenable to the plan, but I would question the wisdom of a student skipping an academic year, only to have to repeat another year later on. Might not work so well with other children.

stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 08:40:00

LIZS - the summer term when the rest of them head off on trips etc is what I mostly want plans for. DS won't do all that stuff until Y8v2 - he will nominally join the year 7's but will need to be occupied somehow.

As PP have said, we mostly need to listen. Meeting is happening this term precisely because if we are not happy with the plan, we need to decide now and make plan B (moving schools at the end of next year, or whatever)

DS is not worried about it at all, BTW, as he has seen others do it (or do other repeat years /skipping years /whatever) so takes it as normal.

stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 08:43:29

Fascicle - I agree. I would (and do) advise extreme caution to anyone considering moving their DC out of their chronological year group. It has worked so far for DS, but more, TBH, by luck than judgement as I really didn't think it through at the time.

mummytime Sat 03-May-14 08:45:52

Okay I'm a SAHM, and do all the school stuff. On the rare occasions DH attends meetings he often takes the lead BUT that is because he can be less emotional than me, and he's usually there because they've already upset me. If they manage to upset him we know we have real problems! Only happened once in a meeting and once when recounting events.

Hopefully your questions will be answered in the meeting. Ask your DH what he means by building your DS's CV. See what the new Head's view is.
I would be quite worried TBH as holding time especially at this age could lead to "going off the boil". I'd rather he did something alternative, like a year at an overseas school, but that's my gut feeling.

Good luck! I hope you don't have too much of a headache.

LIZS Sat 03-May-14 09:03:02

But you are , at best taking about mid May or even mid June onwards (depending how many take scholarship vs CE. and what is organised - or not - between them ) For Autumn and Spring terms year 8 is one long slog towards those exams, dull and demotivating for those not required to pass them as a condition of their offer. If he practise the papers during Yr 8 v. 1 then he won't be able to do so in the same way when he needs to. Better to retake Year 7 and relax a bit then before gearing up academically again.

Gubbins Sat 03-May-14 09:46:58

Both of you ABU if you expect your opinions to trump the other's. You have taken on the day to day dealing with the school, but this is a bit more fundamental than that, this is your (plural) son's actual education, not just the administration of it, so you have to discuss it and come to a solution you can both agree on.

Outside that, I'm very confused as to why the school regularly bumps pupils up a year, only to bump them back down again at the end. Particularly when, in my experience, public schools are usually more than happy to ignore age in favour of ability. I know plenty of people who were/are a year ahead of their chronological peers, and remained so for their whole education. I'd focus my questions on why he can't take the exams next year and what benefit to him there is in holding him back at this stage. I'd also speak to the target schools to confirm if they really don't accept pupils a year early.

DoJo Sat 03-May-14 10:07:37

Why do either of you have to 'take the lead'? It would occur to me to divide up responsibilities in that manner when you are both there to ascertain what the school can offer your son and which course of action will best suit him. If the school know what you want to talk about and you both have ideas of what you want, then surely all of you working together to reach an optimal arrangement is the most sensible way to get things done.

Or is he assuming that the final decision will be down to him? Is that what he means by 'taking the lead'? Because if so, then he is a twat not to be considering all the options, discussing them between yourselves at home and with your son, and going back to the school when you have all reached a decision that you are happy with.

stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 11:09:47

LIZS - I know lots of people who were ahead of their age group too, but senior schools are a lot less keen on ignoring age on favour of ability than they used to be. None of the schools we have looked at want him to come early, and I don't want him to go early - he needs the emotional maturity. I have thought this through, honestly.

As for the school, there are a different set of circumstances for every child that they move in either direction and they adapt accordingly, as far as I have seen.

For whoever asked - head is fine, thanks smile. Nothing that some fresh air and an Alka Seltzer couldn't deal with.

stealthsquiggle Sat 03-May-14 11:11:31

Mummytime - a year (or even a term) abroad was an option, as we have family he could go to but DS is not keen on that one.

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