To Tell my mother how disgusted I was with her

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

NC (RalphLaurenLover)

So we all know my mother. She's still sleeping with the married man who was a wife and a 7 year old daughter. Who is clearly taking her for a ride and for all the money she's got had.

His 7 year old daughter is aware of the affair and they've both told her to keep quite about it and she's his "special friend" they've been playing happy families with her and it's disgusting.

She went on holiday a couple of weeks witch was arranged with her friend. 3 days before every day she swore blind she'd come see me and DS every day she failed to show. She even left her friend to get travel up to the airport on her own because the married man she's shagging wanted to take her. She promised to call us before she boarded, I phoned to find she was on the plane and 'forgot' about calling DS to say bye.

She promised to text us whilst she was there, turns out half way through her holiday her phone provider cut her phone off because she'd ran an enormous bill and they thought it'd been lost or stolen, yet never text us once not even on my DS's birthday.

She landed today didn't even get a text to say she'd landed married man had picked her up and she left her friend at the airport and went home with him.

Married man had come to her house where my brother lives every day telling him to do this or that, not to have his music playing or not to have friends round even not to have the heating on! She came home straight away and got in bed with him and has laid there all day because "he's not well"

After trying to get hold of her all day she finally answered she lied and said her phone wasn't working despite the fact it went to voicemail and tells you she's declined your call! She promised to be here by 6 as DS's goes to bed at that time.

6pm DS's is in bed and I've turned the phone off to get into my flat I finally get through at 6:30 and she tells me that she "forgot" and she'd come round now I told her to forget it and I was disgusted that she'd happily forget her own children and grandchild because he was round, it's the 4th time she'd promise to see DS and failed. The phone was off and I've had enough of her. The fact that she'd let DS down again was enough I told her I was disgusted with what she was doing and I have lost all respect for her, I was ashamed that my mother was now sleeping with some other mothers husband whilst she's thinking he's at work and she looks after her daughter! If he was that unwell he should be at home with his wife and daughter not in his mistress's bed. She said she fine with that and I said I wasn't, I am completely done with her she's crossed a line by forcing that child to lie to her mother and another line by promising she's be here when she was only going to come when he'd left.

Was I bu to say this? I'm soo pissed now that I just needed a rant. How dare she and this febal excuse of a man force a 7 year old to lie to her own mother about the fact she's sleeping with this horrid woman and then go out to play happy families with her whilst she's happily leaving her own kids and not bothering with them.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

YANBU at all. Your mother is behaving awfully :( I'm so sorry

[UnderthePalms]

It's a shame she didn't phone on your son's birthday, but it seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on your mum to keep seeing you and phoning you before, during and after her holiday.

[UnderthePalms]

They are behaving badly with regard to the 7 year old, but she is the dad's responsibility and he is the one letting her down.

[FindoGask]

"So we all know my mother."

er, do we?

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

er, do we?

Some of us do, no need to be an arse.

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

Under She was the one who promised she'd phone before she'd left because she'd promised and failed to see DS before she'd gone, she promised to phone on his birthday and once or twice a week whilst she was there and she'd phoned once she'd land to make sure she'd landed safely. I phoned her once when she'd fail to on my son's birthday to be told "married man was trying to get through so I needed to get off the line" and she'd never called back.

[glenthebattleostrich]

I think you are missing the point somewhat Palms. The mother is behaving in a disgraceful way and neglecting her family for the sake of some cheating piece of shit.

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

Findo I've posted a fair bit about my mother actually so some people do.

[FindoGask]

I don't think I'm being an arse - it's the assumption that bugs me. It just seems so self-important.

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

Palms My mother is going along with this, encouraging this type of hideous behaviour with this poor poor child if anyone made my DS's lie to me about something so wrong every party involved would be held accountable not just the person who was responsible that day.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

She's not being self-important give her a break!

[YouTheCat]

Is it behave like an arse week on here or something?

Ducky, are you going to go no contact? I feel so sorry for that poor child being forced to lie and for how she has let down your ds.

[beershuffle]

You do seem very over involved. Its her relationship, its her business what she does. You have a child of your own, maybe its time to stop obsessing about your mammy?

[SsimTee]

yes, give her a break. I didn't know the story of OP's mother until I started reading this thread, but I didn't feel the need to make a horrid comment.

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

Yeah I'm going no contact, she lies at every opportunity she gets, she doesn't care about anyone unless it's her or married man. She adds nothing to my life any more that brings me pleasure all she adds is misery empty promises and heart ache. It's not fair on my DS to keep being let down however I have stopped telling him she's coming over because I know she won't come.

Beer It involves me when she promises my DS a visit and fails to show, she promises to call and does call, she promises him the earth and moon yet constantly delivers shit. I'm not obsessed with her in fact these two weeks she hasn't been here has been bliss, the family have got closer and can get on as she is the main problem

[MummyBeerest]

Yanbu. You needed to tell her.

But you need to mean it when you say you're done with her. No texts, emailing, etc. Nothing.

Otherwise the pattern of frustration will only continue.

[harriet247]

I would cut her off tbh.

[beershuffle]

But he must be a baby, if he goes to bed at six pm? So he doesnt know. It does sound a little codependent, with promises of calls and visits, with you chasing them up. And you seem to know every daily detail of her life, yet say you ar far happier when she isnt there.
Perhaps examine your own role in the dynamic as well as withdrawing, and facilitate seperate relationships with other family members?

[Bogeyface]

Re: the child, for her sake alone I think you need to let his wife know what is going on. This is not for revenge or any other reason that that poor child will be so screwed up already by this and she needs protecting from it.

Do you know or can you find out who is wife is and tell her what they are doing to her DD?

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

I'm not, I'm done with her

[MammaTJ]

I would go and tell the wife. That child needs the awful situation they are in to be sorted out. A child of 7 will be screwed up royally by the knowledge they have and the secret they have to keep. Take the responsibility away from them.

[nennypops]

She's an idiot to rely on boyfriend's kid to keep it a secret. It's bound to slip out at some point - if she doesn't tell her mum she will tell her friends. So the situation may well resolve itself soon.

[DuckyMoDuckyMoMo]

beer He's 2 but understands, He'll wait by the window for her if she say she's on her way round, he can Facetime etc so he does understand that he should be seeing her. I don't chase her up like today i just turn the buzzer off and if she calls It doesn't get through.

Bogey I want to tell her, I feel for that child I really do. But I have no way of telling her.

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

Yup, I'd tell the wife. Their poor daughter.

[Bogeyface]

Do you know his name and roughly where he lives, there are several ways of finding her without resorting to FB (although that can have its uses).

How old is your DB? Could he do some digging to find out his address?