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impossible situation- aibu?

(8 Posts)
Gwladgwlad Fri 02-May-14 16:43:27

We live in the south east in an expensive city. We rent our house and have talked for a long time about moving somewhere cheaper so that we can buy. I have been offered a job in a cheaper area- same salary as now. DP would probably get work easily too.
Trouble is- now I have been offered the job, I am not sure I want it and have got cold feet. DC are settled in school, I have networks and a whole life here. DP is very very angry with me as he really wants to move away. I feel like I am the one that does a lot of the school stuff, have built up friendship groups- he isnt bothered about any of that and thus has less ties and its easier to move for him.
AIBU to get cold feet and want to stay- it all feels impossible. I do want my own home but have this vision of sitting in my own house not knowing a soul and wondering if it was all worth it.

ALifeOfPie Fri 02-May-14 17:27:24

I know it's daunting but don't worry - you've crossed the most difficult hurdle of getting a job elsewhere. Setting up new networks won't happen overnight but it will happen - you'll be able to meet new people via school, or by joining in with new activities. It might well be tough for a year or so but in 10 years you'll be in a hugely better position, and much more able to support your children into young adulthood from being secure homeowners rather than dealing with insecure and unpredictable rentals.

Topseyt Fri 02-May-14 17:42:50

Would you not regret it if you didn't buy your own home whilst you have the chance?

When you own your home you have far more security than if you are renting. There would be no landlord who might decide to sell the property or serve you notice etc. Less uncertainty, plus the money you are paying out for a mortgage goes that bit further every month towards making the property finally completely yours. Any profit made from the eventual sale of such a house would also be yours, whereas comparatively speaking renting is dead money over the longer term.

MammaTJ Fri 02-May-14 18:34:57

You will make new friends easily!

Opportunities are not so easy to come by!

missmoffatt2705 Fri 02-May-14 18:59:18

Are you the main wage earner? Worse case scenario - you make the move and the new job doesn't work out - would you and your husband be able to find work if you stayed in the new location or is it all dependent on this job you have been offered working out? I guess you need to work out would you be in a better position in the new location even if the job did not live up to expectations. Why can't your husband be the one to find the first job in the new place? Maybe you feel it's too much pressure on your shoulders? Surely if you ever want to own your own house, your family will have to move - maybe it's just not the right time/job for you?

smartypants1000 Sun 04-May-14 18:36:16

We moved just over a year ago, for dh's job. he had the chance of a fullt ime permanent copntract which wasn't available where we lived before. Doubled his income.

I wish we hadn't moved. I hate everything about it.

Motherinlawsdung Sun 04-May-14 18:44:35

Where is the new job (broadly speaking, not the exact town) ?

missuswife Sun 04-May-14 19:51:00

I went through similar. We moved from the UK to the USA. I'm American, DH is British. We lived in the UK for ten years so my whole adult life. All my friends, network was there. We moved to a part of the states where I had no family and we knew no one. I was worried that I was going to find myself sitting in my nice new flat with all my wedding gifts (had been in storage all this time) with no friends etc and new baby.

My DH got a fab job offer and our standard of living is much better now. In the beginning it was very daunting, especially with the new dd and not knowing anyone. Eventually though, we've made friends and in the long run I think it was the best thing for us.

I think YANBU to be anxious but you need to think about what will be best for you as a family in the long term.

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