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(36 Posts)
EverythingsDozy Fri 02-May-14 16:07:17

Sorry, posting here for traffic!
My husband was caught in my bed with another woman on New Year's Eve. He said he has started divorce papers but I thought he couldn't divorce me because I've done nothing wrong but I could divorce him because he committed adultery? Can someone clarify? Thanks!

EverythingsDozy Fri 02-May-14 17:50:09

No he obviously wasn't but then he shouldn't have married me less than two years before if he was so easily led away, he clearly had reservations, I don't think you fall out of love with someone in such a short time when nothing had really changed, other than OW coming on the scene.

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 02-May-14 18:18:51

I agree. If he had reservations he shouldn't.

Andrewofgg Fri 02-May-14 18:27:50

Do you want a divorce? If so why does it matter what he puts on the papers? It won't affect financial claims if there are any or what happens to the children if there are any.

EverythingsDozy Fri 02-May-14 18:34:51

I don't think I do want a divorce. I don't want to be with him though. Is that weird?! I want to reverse a year and try and fix this before it happened, before he started talking to OW. At least then I could have said I tried but I wasn't able to try and fix my marriage because I wasn't aware it was broken.
It doesn't matter what is put on the divorce papers but I was under the impression that he wasn't able to divorce me because I wasn't the one that committed adultery. I have done nothing wrong, I wasn't unreasonable, I wasn't abusive, I never cheated, never so much as thought about another man. This OW wasn't the first he left me for (but the first he physically cheated with)

Thinking about this a bit more I can see it's a common problem in our divorce system ...

Man has an affair and wants to get a divorce, so then has to say he is divorcing wife for unreasonable behaviour.
After talking to his solicitors and drawing up the papers listing the grounds for this he then convinces himself that her behaviour has really been unreasonable.

This does no-one any good, compounding negative feelings surrounding the separation, including for any children involved.

Either partner, for example following an affair or for any other reason, should be able to divorce in no blame way IMHO

nennypops Fri 02-May-14 18:39:03

For what it's worth, I don't think it's expensive or difficult to file for divorce. It' small the ancillary stuff around money and children that can get expensive and complicated

Donki Fri 02-May-14 18:52:54

I think filing for divorce is £410 + vat for the initial court fee, and £45 + vat for final decree court fee.

That is the minimum if you don't use solicitors or mediation.

2 years separation and mutual agreement of irreconcilable differences for a no fault divorce, or 5 years separation if one party does not agree to the divorce.

There is no waiting time for divorce on the grounds of adultery or irreconcilable differences.

I'm sure someone will come along and correct this if it is wrong.

hamptoncourt Fri 02-May-14 18:58:37

It will get expensive if OP starts cross petitioning and defending the divorce. It's a total waste of money and it's cash you could be spending on your DC. Unless you have money to burn I wouldn't bother.

From what you have said OP, you would benefit more from spending the money on counselling than unnecessary solicitor fees. Let him have the divorce, let him pay for it.

Get counselling and move on and live well.

Suebedo Fri 02-May-14 19:06:22

He can only divorce you without your agreement if he proves unreasonable behaviour on your part (this is down to what the judge will accept but is often a litany of minor niggles) or if he has left you for 5 years without your consent. You can divorce him for adultery so long as you don't take him back for 6 months plus once you found out. Two years separation by mutual agreement. I forget the other ground but there is a government website which lays it all out clearly.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 02-May-14 19:06:53

You keep saying that you did nothing wrong, but have more or less admitted that you stopped listening to him. Not listening is a big thing.

EverythingsDozy Fri 02-May-14 19:13:43

I did not stop listening to him, he stopped talking to me. Yes, I've had my own problems I struggled to see past but if he had actually sat down and said he wanted to leave, I would have done anything to stop him going. I adored him.

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