to not let other children play with dds toys?

[dollsmouse]

My eldest dd is 6 and does an extra-curricular activity which I watch from a viewing area. I have my two yr old, and more recently newborn ds with me. It's an hour and a half long so I pack a bag of toys/books/stickers/colouring for 2 yr old dd. There are several other parents who watch with younger siblings, too.

The viewing area is large (200+ seats) but no matter where I sit, at least two (and today seven!) of the other children aged between 3-6 come over to us. They take dds toys without asking, don't treat them well (drawing in reading books, stickers on toys that are difficult to remove, stamping on teddies etc) and often wander off with them meaning I have to spend ten minutes at the end retrieving them all.

Dd is fine with sharing but gets upset when they come and snatch, mistreat or walk off with her belongings. I'm busy feeding newborn now and don't want to (and feel I shouldn't have to) keep refereeing. The other children don't play with dd and their parents just leave them to their poor behaviour. One even joked today: 'oh I should pay you childminders fees!'

Aibu to just want them to leave us alone and to tell them they can't play in future and suggest their parents bring their own toys?

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

YANBU, that's just rude.

[Blondiebrownie]

If you want to avoid it in the future why don't you keep the bag by your side and bring out the toy your DD wants to play with so there are not loads of toys laying on the table for anyone to take?

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu, just say no don't touch and they hopefully will go away.

[WooWooOwl]

I was ready to say YABU from your title, but in the situation you describe, I don't think YABU.

Could you take a big easy to access bag (like one of those canvas shopping ones) and encourage dd to put anything she's not directly playing with in it. Get her to just have one thing out at a time. That way you can tuck it under your seat so other small children can't see it, and if they try to take anything that is being played with it will be easier for you to tell them no.

You should definitely be telling them no when they snatch.

[softlysoftly]

Well I wouldn't let dds do it but then I also hate having to constantly shepherd kids away from stuff they don't understand they can't have.

Setting yourself up as the nearest toy shop and expecting other kids not to come is a bit irritating to other parents. Colouring ok but loads of toys is a bit u.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

YANBU especially given they snatch from her and don't play nicely.

[RiverTam]

gosh, I would be very cross, doesn't sound like they know how to respect other people's belongings (or their own, for that matter) at all. I would be especially livid about drawing in reading books.

Dunno what I would do though, sorry, not very helpful.

[PavlovtheCat]

yanbu.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

YANBU I'd be tempted to say sweetly but very firmly "not today darling. off you go and play with mummy/daddy/other" to the next rude child who approaches your child and her toys. And keep saying it. over and over broken record style.

I'm all for encouraging sharing toys but its a 2 way street. As they aren't bringing toys to share as well they can do one play elsewhere. Hopefully with time their parents will bring them something to play with rather than relying on your DD's things to entertain them and you to childmind

[PavlovtheCat]

"dunno what I would do though"

I would simply tell them to leave those toys alone. And if that didn't work, I would ask their parents to ask their parents to give you some space and leave the toys alone.

[fairylightsintheloft]

but softly why don't the other parents bring stuff? I doubt they are irritated judging by the "childminder" comment, quite the opposite. OP YANBU. It is one thing to maybe have one child come and ask to play nicely with one toy but not to be a general free for all.

[TeenAndTween]

YANBU

However, in a similarish situation in the past I have taken a small number of toys especially to share. Maybe toy cars or hard animals? You shouldn't have to, but it may be the path of least resistance.

[Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby]

I would limit what you bring and only take out one thing at a time. They are treating you like a one stop toy shop and it isn't on, but they seem to see you as complicit in this. So I would subtly show that you are not! If they make comment just say, "one of the books got drawn in and I just think I had too much stuff and i keep losing track of it...". OR simply bring paper and crayons and let the kids have it... After all you are "making sure the kids have something to do". Maybe not... Might be misconstrued...

[dollsmouse]

They're in a zipped up bag and dd puts things away but the other children will just open the bag and take things. They can see I'm stuck feeding ds and am in no position to be chasing them around.

softly I see your point but between 3-6 yrs I'd expect them to know they can't snatch/take other peoples belongings without asking, shouldn't draw in reading books etc. Or if my child didn't, I'd be telling them so, not leaving it to someone else. Like I said it's a massive area - seating for 200+ people and theres probably ten other parents with children so it's not like the toys are really obvious. I suspect they even get sent over by their parents as we've sat at the furthest point away at times where they couldn't (but parents could) see toys and still they come

[softlysoftly]

Well that's slightly different if they are helping themselves to toys from your bag rather than picking up stuff laid around to temptation and at a slightly older age (I was assuming under 3) then it's very rude.

Not sure how you can stop it though if the parents won't!

[whois]

Don't let then go in the bag - keep it between your feet or right next toyoi. Your child can come and get toys out but if any other children approach tell them to fuck off. But obviously, don't actually say that. Maybe something more like "no, do NOT open that bag. Those are not your toys. What are you doing so far away from your mummy / daddy / guardian / whatever? Go back to your mummy / whateve NOW"

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Just take one of her favourite toys, and remove their opportunity? It's quite unusual to take a selection of things, so maybe the other parents assume you take them because you want other children to come over and play with your dd?

[Nunyabiz]

Yikes I would be really annoyed too! YANBU. Just say "sorry sweetie, these toys are not for you, you need to go back to your mummy/daddy now".
Are you worried what the parents will think or say if you speak up?

[ZingWatermelon]

YANBU

I'd be stopping them.
equivalent of taking your food.

I'd respond kindly but with a firm "sorry, these are not for you"

how frustrating that the other parents don't react.

[Mim78]

I agree - tell them loudly enough for parents to hear not to open the bag and to go back to own mummy/daddy.

[ZacharyQuack]

"Pooh is that a packet of chocolate biscuits in your mummy's bag?" usually gets rid if them

[ZacharyQuack]

Ohh not pooh. Damn phone.

[ZingWatermelon]

pooh works though!

[LibraryMum8]

YANBU at all! I second bag in between your feet and a firm "No, we are not doing that any more. You may not go in my bag. Please go back to your parents."

[Louise1956]

Take fewer toys, and don't let the other children touch them. The other parents should be made aware that you don't want your daughter's toys messed up. Why don't they bring things for their children to play with?