To not want to drive 4 drink people home?(124 Posts)
Its DH’s birthday in July and by then I will be 7 months pregnant. Hes asking that we go to this fancy restaurant which is a 2 hour drive away, that I drive him and his 4 friends back to our house after the meal so they can have a drink (fine, I don’t normally drink that much as I hate hangovers).
The problem I have is that my DH gets really drunk and his past performance is not great. Last year I drove them home from a rugby match and he and a friend was drunk they were shouting in my ear all the way that a couple of times I nearly crashed.
At easter, DH and another friend got so drunk (and I believe had some illegal substances) that firstly he came into my room trying to find his ‘jacket’ and woke me up, I then went downstairs after him (worried about what state he was in) to find him putting a tray of filo pastry into our powerful oven at 3.30am whilst completely wrecked.
I confronted him and his friend argued with me (DH was so out of it he was incoherent) that I was being unreasonable that I demanded that they both went to bed and stopped cooking the filo pastry. I angrily went upstairs and Dh tried to pull me down the stairs by my dressing down leaving me naked on the stairs (with a visible baby bump) so I turned around and slapped him (I know i shouldn't have done but it was a scared reaction but thats not the issue) Then both of them tried to apologise to me by trying to come into the room with me. I was having none of it and told them both to f**k off. DH eventually got into bed and I was so disgusted in him (and he was so wasted I couldn’t get him to go in another room) that I went and slept on the sofa in the study. I couldn’t sleep there as its so damn hard and given I had on that same day had some pregnancy sickness, felt bloody awful for a couple of days that I had to call in sick- it was like I had the flu!. I felt that I had been drinking like they had!
Next day DH apologized but his friend was taking the piss out of me for going ballistic. They have this thing that whenever I ask for something they say ‘Im pregnant’ in a crazed way.
I am concerned that history will repeat itself. I’ve had a troublesome pregnancy so far (SPD, reflux, sickness etc) and I don’t want to put myself in the situation that I feel shit again as im desperate to stay in work and stay healthy. As well, people staying over involves me doing loads of hovering, bed making, bathroom cleaning etc etc whilst my husband fannies about making them ‘canapes’ and I don’t feel I know yet if my SPD is going to get worse and I wont be able to do this. Honestly, our house is like a hotel!
I’ve said to DH that hes got some choices- either its cancelled and he has a bigger one next year or that I don’t come and that he sleeps in another room so he doesn’t wake me up. He’s chosen that he’s going to book a room up there and they are all going to stay- this is fine with me.
However hes not talking to me now (hes being childish) I am going to ignore it until he sees sense. His argument is that I have no evidence that he will behave like that, however my stance is that hes done it before.
I’ve said that I don’t even know if I will be able to drive then (SPD is already bad) and he’s rubbished this saying I will.
Am I being unreasonable? A sense of humour failure or does my husband need a kick up the arse?
(I don't know if DH was using illegal substances, it looked like it but i am quite naive about that- i know he has before)
My gender can be fucking thoughtless, can't we?
Just tell him NO, not at seven months pregnant, and that's all there is to it.
No is a complete sentence; speak it!
YANBU at all
I'm more worried that you're having a child with him though
He doesn't sound as though he's ready to grow up yet to be honest
Past experience is the only thing you really have to go on, isn't it? And given that I wouldn't be behind the wheel with him and his chums in the car again even when they were sober, never mind drunk and a bloody nuisance.
You actually married this man and plan children with him? More fool you....
Two hours each way? Fuck that.
And what Worra said. Either he isn't a grown-up yet, or he has alcohol issues/dependency. Neither is going to make a good parent.
So you will soon have a child and a man child. Bloody Hell.
And ref the driving, tell him to poke it. Fucker.
Fuck the party, it's not important - your DH tried to pull you down the stairs?
I'm worried for you and your baby.
The hotel idea is the perfect solution, he can behave like an irresponsible teenager and you can spread out all comfy in your bed. And if I were you I would invite friends over for a take away, natter and movie. Perfect!
Sense of humour failure? Is all that funny then? Sounds horrendous.
Quinteszilla- thanks for the comment. How helpful of you. Kick a girl whilst she's down why don't you?
Do you trust him to be sober to drive you when in labour?
Aside from the fact that your husband is being a childish, insensitive twat, sitting still for 4 hours during pregnancy - as you would be if you're driving - is risky re DVT
nhs pregnancy & dvt
Alternatively tell him to fuck off as it seems he is too thick to discuss in a grown up way. Sorry you are going through this.
When sober, he's normally fine. However i think he had a ridiculous amount to drink on this occasion (he's stopped drinking as much since we have moved to the country). Normally I would have some drinks and join in (never totally pissed that i didn't know what I'm doing).
He has never been that pissed in front of me in the 7 years we have been together. he doesn't remember anything and was horrified the next morning.
Why has he chosen a restaurant 2 hours away?
Your husband is an abusive alcoholic. That's what he is. He cannot control himself when he drinks and gets abusive.
Your problem is not this party, it's the fact you are married to an abusive alcoholic and are pregnant by him.
NOTHING can 'make up' for his behaviour whilst drunk. No one who is in any way lovely behaves this way. Ever.
Jeez that would stress me out pregnant or not. Do you not get worried and anxious every time you know he's going to having a heavy session? The mocking you is totally uncalled for as well.
Yanbu to say no, don't even give it another thought or let him feel make you feel bad. I doubt you'll get one person replying saying they would do it.
The hotel sounds like the best option, another option after that would be for him to take a good look at himself and how he behaves towards you when drunk.
yes, he's fine re drinking. It was one blow out.
i've told him to fuck off and that he's being childish, he can pay for a hotel. not sure the party will go ahead anyway as the only hotel there is £150 a night and all his mates are used to staying at ours for free.
DH is arguing that he is going to enjoy the food and won't be that pissed.
He sounds as if he has a real drink problem. That is abusive behaviour which would have many people considering the future of the relationship.
I wouldn't drive him. I don't drive drunk people if I can help it anyway, and I don't like driving at night due to issues with my night vision. So the rule in our house is that you can go out, if you can get yourself back (or stay in a hotel).
Tell him a firm "NO" and don't back down. It won't be a fun evening for you.
Absolutely no, no no. Tell them to get a taxi, or a room in a Travelodge.
Why does he have to have a meal so far away? Okay it's his birthday, is he 6yrs old that he feels he has to stamp his little feet?
Has he no feelings for you at all? Fuckwhit
(That was nice of you, Andrewofgg - you're not all horrible though, hehehe)
Its a friends restaurant. They are getting awards and i admit it, i want to go too but i guess i can't.
hes NOT an alcoholic. He isn't dependant on alcohol. What he did when pissed is unacceptable but he over did it.
alwaysblond what are some people meant to think? There have been countless threads about abusive DHs and pregnant spouses and when they start listing all the abusive crap they put their partners through it does make you wonder why they plan children, because it sure as anything isn't going to get any better. What are you looking for? To be told YANBU...and then what? "when sober hes fine", yep heard it before to, trouble is they aren't always sober!
If he just wants to go for the food, why don't you and he go, stay nearby, make a weekend of it?
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