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I've hit 21 and a half stone. I am ashamed of myself.

(119 Posts)
Babs48 Sun 27-Apr-14 17:32:05

I need to change; I'm tired, irritable and am avoiding seeing my family due to my size. They have all told me that if I carry on I will be 'the size of a house'.

I am a very big problem with food, eating healthy doesn't help me because I cannot control my portion size.

I need a diet where the amount of food is measured for me and I know what to eat when to eat.

I'm getting heart palpitations and severe pain and fatigue.

I am ashamed, I don't want to go out because I feel judged and everyday tasks are such a struggle.

This is me asking for help, I don't know why I have posted it on here I'm just at such a loss about myself.

frostyfingers Thu 01-May-14 18:16:23

You've made a start by writing it down and facing up to it, and that's probably the hardest thing to do. As has already been said start with your GP, with them on your side you can get yourself to where you want to be.

FoodieMum3 Thu 01-May-14 17:36:51

I think this is your lightbulb moment Babs, the moment that will change you forever and I know that you will do this.

Do you know how I know this?

Because the title of your OP says 'I am 21 stone'. Not 'I am morbidly obese' or 'I am over weight' or 'I need to lose a few stone'.
You've identified it, you've acknowledged it and you've said it. You know you need to change it.

It will and can be done. It's a cliche but YOU are worth it, you owe it to yourself to lose this weight and take care of yourself. It will make you happy and you will have the life you want. You will be a confident woman who looks forward to going out and meeting your friends and family, not hiding away. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. Do it now, and don't waste any more days of your life living like this


IsatTherewithSally Thu 01-May-14 14:26:13

Babs i have just read the whole thread and what you are going through has really resonated with me. I felt so sad when you said that you have no influence on anything in this world. You are a mother of two young children, they will have no greater influence in this life than you.

I think some form of counseling could be a good idea because it sounds like your weight is just a symptom of a bigger issue. I think starting this thread has been a great step for you and hope that you can keep making positive changes in your life.

bronya Thu 01-May-14 13:59:07

In case it helps...

My DH really struggles with his weight. He seems to only need to look at food to get heavier, and he has a busy, physical job. He can easily eat a medium, deep pan pizza in one sitting and still have room for dessert, so portion size has always been an issue! Over the years, we've found some things that work for him. They might be of use to you...?
- Taking a multivitamin tablet daily (if you like processed food, you are likely not to be getting enough nutrients. So your body is driving you to eat more and more and more, so it can get enough of everything it needs).
- Going swimming. It's cardiac exercise, which doesn't stress your joints. There are some very large ladies and men at our pool, and they are slowly making progress, getting fitter and slimmer. Exercise that gets your heart rate up, makes you feel good about yourself, and obviously burns calories!
- Having a strict food budget and buying only healthy food. So we don't have anything unhealthy in the house, and what we buy on a Friday, has to last until the following Friday. It's meal planned, and he doesn't have access to his card mid-week (it's in my purse - his choice!). So he can't buy any more food, and the only choice for snacks is fruit. If he overdoses on bread at the weekend, he'll be eating salad for lunch for the rest of the week. He knows what's in the fridge/cupboard has to feed the rest of the family too, so he's careful.
- Having a low-calorie drink when you feel hungry. Fills you up, and you might well be confusing thirst with hunger anyway. We have diet squash and tea in the house.

Good luck!

Wigglebummunch Thu 01-May-14 13:43:38

Babs I'm also in the southeast and overweight. I was over 21st last year but I'm well on my way to 16 now. PM me and hopefully we might be close.

I had to give up the crap as I was pregnant and had GD and I've had a binge since she was born but I'm now back on track. Find something to do in the evenings when your DC are in bed. I make hair bands and little bits for my girls.
I really want to join bootcamp as I've seen some amazing results from mums at my DC's old school.

I've also just started running. I'm doing the couch to 5k, I've never run before so it's a huge challenge for me.

Well done for posting on here.

Nottalotta Thu 01-May-14 13:34:27

I'm sorry i haven't read the whole thread.

I too have an issue with portion control. Things like SW just don't work for me in the long term. They are far to vague.

The things that have worked best for me are WW (a few years ago) and currently I am using My Fitness Pal. Both ways you choose what you want to eat but stop when you hit your daily allowance whether its WW points or calories.

Obviously healthy foods are lower in calories/points so you get more food for your allowance.

Good luck and well done for making the first step.

theworldaccordingtome Thu 01-May-14 13:19:39

Please go and see your doctor so you can get help with the psychological causes/aspects of your over eating, rather than just the physical results.
I dietitian or counselor may also be helpful.

In terms of what you can do from home, I find myfitnesspal is fantastic for helping me keep track of food in = calories burned.

Well done for acknowledging your problem, and good luck!

Xenadog Thu 01-May-14 13:04:02

Babs I've read your posts and skimmed the rest and TBH whilst you are overweight I don't think weight/size/food is the issue. You said you were addicted to food and explained the awful things that happened to you but that food helped you to feel better - for a while. To me I think you need professional help from either counselling, hypnotherapy or CBT to help you tackle what's going on the inside before you begin to think about anything else.

I would say your first step needs to be see your doctor and explain you need more than a dietician and can they arrange some therapy for you.
I don't know if you have the funds yourself but it may be a lot quicker to arrange private counselling if you can afford it.

So often food is used as a crutch to help people get through tough times and then it becomes an addiction. It's a common story so please don't feel you are on your own with this.

I would agree with the PP who suggest going to your GP and asking for counselling; you've been through a hell of a lot and so its not surprising that eating may have become one of your coping mechanisms.

I would suggest that you focus on being kind to yourself and looking after yourself as I don't get the sense that anyone has really looked after you. Feed yourself good healthy nutritious food because you love your body and you care for yourself. Eating sensibly and healthily is a way of being kind to yourself.

I am overweight and was heading towards morbid obesity if I didn't stop. I am starting to recognise that the things I thought were comforting me (chocolate, cake etc) were actually contributing to my feeling down. They might have made me feel better temporarily but they weren't solving the underlying problem. A simple example is that I would eat in the evenings when I was tired to get an energy boost - now I go to bed instead and stop trying to work against what my body really needs (if I haven't finished everything I go to bed extra early and get up a bit earlier instead). I am on a "diet" to lose weight but I see this as a mechanical process and a time to reevaluate my eating habits. I know the real focus is on making long term sustainable changes and dealing with my eating triggers.

sarinka Thu 01-May-14 12:25:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoundingTheStreets Thu 01-May-14 12:20:03

Hi Babs. Please don't feel ashamed of yourself. Admitting you have a problem and deciding to do something about it is something to be proud of. If it was easy to see a problem before it became a problem, there would be no one overweight in the world.

I think trying to find the right diet, or find ways of controlling your portions is not the right route for you. You are already aware that the cause of your problems with food are psychological. Therefore the solution lies in the same place. I think finding a counsellor (even better if you can find one who specialises in eating disorders) would be the single most effective thing you could do to regain control over your eating habits.

Best of luck with it all. flowers

fuzzpig Thu 01-May-14 11:24:22

How are you feeling this week babs?

I think you've done really well just to post this. It's clear you need some counselling, even if it doesn't focus on food at all, as having been abused you have so much to deal with thanks

It must be tempting to do an extreme diet but I fervently agree with those who've said it's a bad idea. Gradual changes won't lead to massive fast weightloss but it will be much more sustainable.

I have a lot of weight to lose too. I am taking a positive approach though, and aiming simply to nourish myself and increase the proportion of good healthy whole foods.

You could make say one small change a week, so you have time to get used to the first one before you add another. For example:

Walking past the shop for an extra five minutes, then turning round and coming back via the shop. You could gradually increase the amount you walk before getting back to the shop - maybe look on google maps and plan a route round the block.

Cut down fizzy drinks to mealtimes only as a pp said - then after a whole down to once a day, and then when you aren't so hooked on them (believe me I know how addictive they are) promise yourself you will no longer have them in the house and only buy them occasionally when out (I only have coke when out for a meal now - and I REALLY enjoy it)

Switch a white carb for a wholegrain carb (like bread)

Change breakfast - I was totally hooked on sugary cereal but one day I just decided to swap to eggs instead. I love it now. Just two boiled eggs with one slice of lovely toast.

Add an extra veg at each meal - even if it's just cutting a few slices of cucumber.

Are you getting enough sleep? Tiredness leads to hunger and cravings. You could set yourself a bedtime and stick to it.

Carry a bottle of water everywhere. Before every meal or snack, drink a good glass' worth.

Get a mini exercise bike (they are basically just pedals on a little stand) and do it for five minutes a day while watching telly (gradually increase it)

Apologies for the waffle, I hope there's some things in the list that feel achievable. The thing is, IME thinking "I need to lose weight" is incredibly scary and overwhelming because it really does feel like an impossible mountain to climb doesn't it? But by breaking it down you can actually shift the focus onto much smaller, truly doable goals. I haven't weighed myself for a few months now, but I know it's coming off as I've had to buy new smaller clothes! And I'm not really thinking "I need to lose weight" anymore - all I am thinking of is one tiny change, like those in my list above, at a time.

Hugs. You CAN do this.

fridgepants Tue 29-Apr-14 14:56:24

If you feel comfortable, swimming is good exercise if you're overweight - it isn't weight-bearing so it won't put pressure on your bones in the same way something like running can. I see people of all shapes and sizes when I go, and some of them swim like fish and some of them (like me) are fairly weak swimmers and end up panicking if their feet can't touch the bottom. If you feel self-conscious, you could go early on in the day, and pop a T-shirt over your costume.

PussInBrogues Tue 29-Apr-14 13:52:48

good luck babs

How is it going OP? Have you had any thought about how you can get help?

I agree with PP. I gave up a 30-40 a day smoking habit nearly 5 years ago with not a patch nor gum stick to help. But I cant stop eating.

Carriemoo Mon 28-Apr-14 21:02:02

I'm 22 stone and know so much how you feel. I need to re - start weightwatchers as I lost 4 stone on it but gave up too easy.

It's so so hard and we need to be strong Babs

Let's do it!!!

chocolatespiders Mon 28-Apr-14 20:36:38

How has today been Babs?

strawberryjam Mon 28-Apr-14 13:15:58

Your GP may be a good place to start, a lot run good weight management courses in local hospitals. I personally opted for weight loss surgery after researching long term outcomes of successful dieting over surgery and decided surgery was my best option. I have absolutely no regrets.

I understand the feeling of not knowing where to start, it is very hard.

take a look at NHS choices for advice, then consider trying again to go to slimming world or have a look at one of their magazines online for inspiration. I have lost 2 stone with them recently and still have a long way to go but it really does not limit portions just some things making a drastic change to eating habits won't work for you, you need a plan for life really, slow and steady give it a go and when the weight starts to come off you will feel so much happier than you sound now. good luck, don't despair it can be done, there are lots of success stories out there that prove it. No reason why you can't be one of them if you want to, you are the only person stopping you. Just think as you enter the door that this is the last time you will be the weight you are when you start, and take it day by day.

prettymess Mon 28-Apr-14 13:04:00

I lost 3st with ww two years ago and because of emotional eating it's been creeping back on. Breaking point 2y ago was when my scales went all the way around, back to zero and I was just under 19 stone. I have been doing ww again for a week now and I'm down 2lbs. It can be done (if I can, anyone can). I would never have gone to ww meeting by myself but a friend asked me to go with her. The group was so supportive and funny, I looked forward to meetings each week. Don't be put off by seeing people much thinner than you as most in my group started really big and were there to maintain their loss.

writtenguarantee Mon 28-Apr-14 12:11:19

Sorry to hear.

You say.

I am a very big problem with food, eating healthy doesn't help me because I cannot control my portion size.

and then

I eat processed foods, ice cream, crisps, drink fizzy and carry on like this all day. My only motivation to exercise is walking to the shop (down the road) to buy it all.

I don't currently have a weight problem (a recent thing) but have other health problems and am convinced that processed foods are the culprit. I have a very good meal time diet, but supplement those with salty snacks, specifically crisps. trust me, you are not the first person to open a large pack of crisps and finish it. They are SUPER addictive. I used to smoke (when a teenager, but not very heavily), and I think quitting smoking was easier (I still eat crisps all the time!).

I agree with other posters that reducing your crisps etc and fizzy drinks is probably the starting point, because it sounds like it will make a massive difference, not just to calorie intake but also to your energy level and your mood. I think this is at odds with advice to reduce meals at meal time. From my own experience, small meals lead to more snacking and my meals are much healthier than my snacks. I once tried to diet by reducing meal sizes and I just ended up eating more crisps in between meals.

it also sounds from your post that you are trying to tackle this problem alone. Having a friend/family member who can support you could help a lot. Good luck.

ExCinnamon Mon 28-Apr-14 10:06:04

Babs, you never feel full because you try to fill a gap with food that food will never fill. The gap is a happy childhood, loving, caring parents, a happy relationship.
I think you have to address the issues in your life you try to smother with food. They will not go away.
Your GP can get therapy for you. Have you ever talked about it?

You are self medicating with food. A diet without counselling or therapy will not have a lasting result.

You are at a point where you want to change. You can change, but you need to accept help. Good luck, you can do it.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 28-Apr-14 08:31:13

Hi Babs I have only skimmed this thread but just wanted to say that I've had a gastric band and its the best thing I ever did.

Go and ask your GP if you qualify for one and if you don't then please consider going private. I went to a very well respected surgeon in Belgium and after the exchange rate my band cost £3500.

This seems like a lot but when I added it up, I was spending that on food, snacks, junk, drinks, meals and takeaways anyway over the course of a year.

What i'm saying is, even if you have to fund it yourself, after a year you'll have saved that much anyway.

BIWI Mon 28-Apr-14 07:43:25

One thing to point out is that for us, in the Western world, when we feel hunger it is very rarely because our stomachs are truly empty. Feeling hungry is controlled entirely by our hormones. Eating a high level of carbs in a short period of time dumps a load of sugar into the blood stream, and so the body has to release a huge amount of insulin to deal with it. Trouble is, the very quick drop in blood sugar that this provokes makes us feel hungry.

It's why you feel hungry, typically, at 11am and 3pm - because our 'typical' breakfast and lunches are high in carbs - cereal, toast and fruit juice followed by a sandwich, packet of crisps and a biscuit/chocolate bar.

Leptin and grehlin are also important hormones that are involved in hunger.

MexicanSpringtime Mon 28-Apr-14 03:19:41

Haven't read all the advice here, but maybe you need to deal with your anxiety and depression too. I live in Mexico and a dear friend of mine goes to Overeaters Anonymous and loves it as well as having made great friends there.
But on top of that she is on anti-depressants and recently had her prescription changed and her psychiatrist said that the new medicine would also treat her obsessive eating, which it did and she is slowly but surely losing weight.

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