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to be a little hurt.

(26 Posts)
coolcookie Thu 24-Apr-14 12:45:05

So it's my birthday today. I have little family on my side as parents have paassed away. Mil asked me what I would like for my birthday. As I had just spent a fortune on varifocials I asked for money towards sunglasses. Dh had moaned about cost of glasses so I wanted to soften blow.
Dh mentioned that he was thinking about a spa day but discounted it as too expensive. So he has now decided to put money towards glasses so that is my only real present.
Aibu to be a little disappointed. This comes after last year when he brought himself an ipad out of his bonus. He than very generoudly got his famiily to put money towards a tablet for my birthday. So again that was my only gift. A great one nevertheless but one that he had brought himself without having to forego any birthday gifts.
Appreciate I am probably being grabby but I just want to matter more. I Didn't even get a card for Valentine's day and my mothers day gift was a box of chocolates where I probably only like 4 of them. He got a card and his favourite chocs for Valentine's day btw.

mistlethrush Thu 24-Apr-14 12:48:08

Nope, you're not.

To be fair, DH and I have agreed that we would put most money etc into family holidays from birthdays and Christmas - that's a joint decision and it suits us.

Have you pointed out how unfair it is that he can spend family money on getting nice things for him when he wants them, and still get birthday presents, but you have to use your birthday presents on getting what is actually an essential?

SarcyMare Thu 24-Apr-14 12:51:18

and glasses are not a luxury item, they are an essential.
I would have a prepared item of a fun thing you want ready for next bonus

SarcyMare Thu 24-Apr-14 12:51:46

and start discussing it now, oh i could get a xyz next bonus, as it is MY turn

BerniesBurneze Thu 24-Apr-14 12:52:31

Yanbu! That is miserable,

Happy Birthday anyway! This thread is yours, let's cheer uou up. Is there anything you would like to talk about?

ThePost Thu 24-Apr-14 12:54:02

Glasses are not a present, they're an essential for carrying on day to day life. There's no comparison with an iPad. Your DH is a stingy git.

Vintagejazz Thu 24-Apr-14 12:54:34

YANBU. He sounds a bit tight. I wouldn't let him away with that. Start stamping your feet and pouting....

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 24-Apr-14 12:55:21

DH sounds selfish. No spa, but an iPad isn't too much for him. Glasses are an essential (also sunglasses) and he moans about them. He also seems to put no thought into things.

Anyway, here's some cake and wine and, why not, I will throw in some thanks

deadduck Thu 24-Apr-14 12:57:11

He's miserable. Do you work? If so, can you just go and spend a little money on yourself to treat yourself and cheer yourself up? Doesn't have to be much, just do something to be kind to yourself.

On an aside, it's my birthday today too. Happy birthday to us, it's a special day cake

MaxPepsi Thu 24-Apr-14 12:57:22


A bottle of bubble bath, some nail varnish, a packet of your favourite biscuits, bottle of wine .....whatever little things you enjoy.

Any of those things are cheap and cheerful and show some thought.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Thu 24-Apr-14 12:57:44

Happy Birthday, CoolCookie.
Next year, make sure you have a pre-prepared list of luxury non-essentials. Never let this happen again, sometimes you have to take control!
thanks cake

expatinscotland Thu 24-Apr-14 12:58:26

Is he a stingy git all the time?

ApocalypseNowt Thu 24-Apr-14 13:00:24

YANBU. Besides the fact that you can get good deals on spa days or indeed just get a voucher for a nice treatment, glasses are an essential.

Your DH sounds like a stingy wankbadger. Reminds me of Karl Pilkington saying he got his gf a kitchen floor as a birthday present.

Cocolepew Thu 24-Apr-14 13:00:48

Happy birthday.

He's a tight git. Glases are a neccessity.

DurhamDurham Thu 24-Apr-14 13:08:26

Glasses are an essential item for you. Wait until its his birthday and buy him a pack of Bic razors or a toothbrush.

I would be upset about this too, I don't necessarily need expensive presents but I do appreciate thoughtful gifts which mean something to me. Favourite bars of chocolate, a good book, bubble bath have all made me very happy.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Thu 24-Apr-14 13:09:44

We've done it in hard times - I've had a necessary vacuum cleaner for my birthday, he's had an essential car part for his. But that was a mutual thing, because we were totally skint (for many years)! For your husband to have an i-Pad and you to have glasses is not a fair agreement at all.

Needs to be on an equal footing.
If I were you, I'd go and buy myself something really outlandish and outrageous, something that would really make you happy. And say "It's my Birthday pressie from me to me".

MaxPepsi Thu 24-Apr-14 13:10:22

Oh, and as a fellow bespectacled person. Tell your 'D'H to fuck off about the cost of them.

My last pair were approx. £250. (I think) I get them every 2 years and wear them every day.

That is a cost of 34p a day!

I'm sure he has a daily 'habit' that costs more than that!

DidoTheDodo Thu 24-Apr-14 13:12:35

Happy Birthday coolcookie.
I like durhams idea for future presents for your DH.

I'd give you an eyeshadow palette hidden in a bunch of flowers. (Surprise element with something to emphasise your eyes in their lovely new specs!)

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 24-Apr-14 13:24:01

Miserable Git!!

So he told you about the possibility of a spa day then discounted ithmm

I'm a specs wearer and as others have said; they're a necessity, not a birthday present.

Is he tight on a regular basis yet likes to spend on himself?

YANBU - I think your dh could easily have got you a little something to unwrap.

This year ds1's present will be putting him on the car insurance, so he can drive himself round when he's home on holiday - this is his choice, btw - but I will still be making sure he has something to unwrap on the day. Likewise, ds3 wants financial contributions towards the cost of a really good hockey stick, but will still be getting something in shiny paper on the day.

CrapBag Thu 24-Apr-14 13:40:09

Do you mean he put the money towards your varifocals for your birthday present? shock

He is mean and stingy and I would be making zero effort with any occasions now, birthday, fathers day, valentines, Christmas until he gets the message.

You deserve some consideration on special occasions. Unfortunately he is very thoughtless. Has he always been this way?

Chottie Thu 24-Apr-14 13:46:20

Glasses are not a present. I wear glasses and replace them as and when they are needed.

Can you treat yourself to something special? Happy birthday smile

You are not being unreasonable at all.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 24-Apr-14 13:47:41

Happy Birthday... thankswinecakegrin
Tell your husband that you're not impressed with his meanness; that bonus payments are joint money and that you're not going to put up with this anymore. angry
Take a set amount of money and put it for a gift of your choice, nothing to do with your husband, just for you. smile
... stop doing stuff for his 'special days' until he gets the message. hmm

It's difficult because if you have to TELL somebody to do something or not do something, it doesn't have quite the same fuzzy feeling as when they think of it themselves.

ENormaSnob Thu 24-Apr-14 14:04:32

Do you have joint finances?

Your dh is tighter than cramp.

Such an unattractive trait.

coolcookie Thu 24-Apr-14 15:05:30

tbf I suggested mil put money towards glasses. original ones came from joint finances. my earnings are low butI do have access to joint funds .
thank u for replies.
just had tea and cake with a friend so feeling better
maybe I will get a surprrise present later.

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