AIBU about the blasted car?(117 Posts)
Our car is out of action for the last two weeks; it's in the garage waiting for a new part to be delivered.
My parents have very kindly lent us one of their cars for the duration, because we travel 70km each way to work and public transport isn't an option (it would be a bus, then a train, then a tram, then a half hour walk, so probably a total of 3 hours each way and there's no way we'd do it within creche opening hours!). They're using their second car.
I can't drive my parents' car because I'm not insured - I'm on a provisional licence. Plus roughly half of our commute is on motorway, and I can't do that on a provisional. So DH is doing all the driving.
The car is a small engined automatic. Our own is a manual diesel with a bigger engine and generally a lot more power. DH detests my parents' car, he finds it unresponsive and it changes gear at ridiculous times (changing up a gear halfway up a steep hill, for example!) or doesn't change when it should (accelerating on the straight, it'll stay in a low gear till the engine is racing before it changes up). I know he's right, I'd find it annoying to drive too.
The problem is that DH emphatically refuses to adjust his driving to suit the car's limitations. He floors the accelerator despite knowing that it'll just make the engine unhappy. It can't keep up with him at all. He admitted last week that he knows he's mistreating it, that he shouldn't be trying to push it when he knows well that it won't perform the way he wants it to. But he keeps doing it. He gets angry and forces the revs up into the red - the same shade of red as his face while he's doing it.
We've had the same argument over and over for the last two weeks. My dad specifically asked me to mind the car as it's old and they need it. But DH insists on driving it badly, and when I pull him up on it he says it's the car's fault for being useless. I think he's being horribly ungrateful to my parents; they lent us the car in good faith, thinking we'd take good care of it, and he isn't. I feel he's forcing my to lie to my parents and I don't like it. Also he said he wouldn't treat a car belonging to his parents that way, but it's different because it's my parents. When I asked him why, he said 'my parents would never own an automatic' - which is a total cop out of an answer, and just comes back to blaming the car!
I'm utterly confused by all this. I'm so used to thinking of DH as a fundamentally nice person but at the moment he's coming across as a selfish, entitled git and I just don't like him.
Are you due to pass your test any time soon?
I think you should give your parents the car back and pay to hire one until yours is fixed. It isn't right to mistreat something that somebody has lent to you in good faith.
Also, your husband is being a total selfish unappreciative knob. But I think you already know that.
he really is not shining a flattering light on himself is he? Not sure what the answer is mind you....other than to ask if he is going to enjoy paying for two cars to be fixed, once he has broken this one.
he is coming across as a massive knob. not sure what you can do though? go mental at him?
Can you tell your parents that you will cover the costs of whatever work needs doing at the next MOT perhaps?
I've gone mental at him already. It was awful, I ended up shouting and roaring this morning and then cried most of the way to work. It made no difference and he just got out of the car when we got here and went to his desk without a word. He thinks there's no point having a conversation about it because we can't agree about who's at fault - him or the car.
He is coming across as a knob, and ungrateful - is it possible there's an issue of pride, that he would actually struggle to adapt to the car and doesn't want to admit it? Some people are much better at this than others.
I'd be inclined to suggest to him that you've tried out borrowing your parents car, it was a nice thought of theirs but it's obviously not working and (as stands says), if it's badly damaged you'll feel responsible at the next MOT.
I don't see what on earth the point is of blaming the car.
He's being a knob.
I'd give it back and either hire a car or make him pay for taxis. Maybe then he'd appreciate what your parents are doing.
How bloody rude of him!
Him, it's clearly him at fault. You have to adjust your driving styles to the car. A Punto isn't a Ferrari, for example and it never will be.
Get a hire car until yours is fixed. Pass your driving test so this never happens again.
I don't understand blaming the car either. I agree that it's not particularly great to drive from what I've seen as a passenger, but both my parents can drive it without it screaming like a banshee, so DH's driving style is clearly at fault some of the time!
What a Pratt, can't say more than that really.
I have every intention of passing my driving test and will never let him drive a car belonging to my family ever again. But that won't change his personality - he'll still be an ungrateful git who's happy to damage my parents' car out of childish temper when he admits he wouldn't do it to his own dad's car.
Well, her passing her test is hardly going to put an end to it, is it, if the result is he can never drive anything except a certain kind of car!
If the car is 'at fault' I suppose at least the bonus side of it is that you both agree he can't drive it properly and you need another solution - one which won't wreck your parents' property.
How much would it cost to hire something?
This isn't really about the car is it?
You've found your DH has feet of clay.
Is he like this with other things?
I'm not excusing him at all, it's just I have a bit of sympathy over the car as it does sound as if he is genuinely struggling (not that this makes it ok to blame the car instead of growing a pair and admitting his limitations).
Men never admit when they're wrong in my experience.
My OH slagged off my car for being "boring" as I need something practical to get to work in and can afford to run and maintain. He drives a big sports car and moans about how much it costs.
When we started using mine for long trips he was amazed by how little fuel it uses and now wants to take it everywhere. I've been telling him this for two years but he always insisted on taking his own car.
If he won't (or by the sounds of it can't) drive to the limitations of the car, then he's a crap driver.
And by saying that he wouldn't do this to his parents' car, but is happy to do this to your parents' car, then he's a selfish git as well.
He's an angry driver at the best of times. He finds fault with other drivers unfairly, and can be aggressive. I've never liked this aspect of him, and he's been working on it a bit so it has improved slightly. But when he's angry he does drive dangerously. That was part of the reason it took me so long to start learning to drive; I was scared that other drivers would get as angry with me as he does with them.
The feet of clay thing isn't that new, really; I know he has a temper, I know he's incredibly stubborn and inflexible at times, I know all sorts about him that bothers me. It's just that most of the time he's very laid back and relaxed and pleasant so you forget the other stuff. His family heard him shouting at me a couple of years ago and were absolutely shocked; he was 38 years old and they hadn't realised he had a temper! He just doesn't seem to feel the need to hide it around me.
I really don't like the fact that he can admit he wouldn't do this to his dad's car. I don't see why my parents' property should deserve less respect.
You should really give the car back to your parents, they've already said they need it so it's not fair on them to know the car is being driven in that manner
It's not hard to change your driving style, my car is a nightmare to drive sometimes but I change how I drive acvordingly.
The car will be fine - it's got a rev limiter - that's what rev limiters are for! I find it hilarious how people seem to think their car will explode if they exceed 4k RPM in a petrol. Cars need a good thrashing from time to time. Personally I drive the arse off mine at all times!
There's more to this than just the car isn't there? He is acting like a child and being very inconsiderate to people who are doing him a massive favour. What is the rest of your relationship like?
What a horrible person.
Downright cruel to damage someones property when they have been good enough to lend it out in the first place.
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