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to be annoyed at dh even though he tried to do a nice thing

(44 Posts)
jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 21:33:43

I had to work today so DH was off with DD. DD is 2.7 yo but so far is unwilling to potty train. I have tried a couple of times but she got upset.

Today DH decided to train her. He didn't tell me he planned this and hadnt read up on best way to approach it he just stuck pants and leggings on her and they went about their day.

He text me about 3pm to say she kept having accidents and had been changed 5 times since this morning. Fair enough he tried.

I have just come home from a 12 hour day mentally exhausted and found all the wet clothes lying at the machine, a stain on the rug in the living room and a cover of one of the couch cushions.

The whole place smells of wee and I now have to tackle it all because he has to go out.

Aibu to be annoyed I now have to clean it all up, I would never leave this for him. I can't even talk to him about it because I cant be arsed with an argument. (Dh doesn't know how to talk things out he just shouts)

I want to crawl into a corner and cry.

FunkyBoldRibena Wed 23-Apr-14 21:35:12

When you say he has to go out...surely he can't go out until he has cleaned all this up? Why wasn't he cleaning as he went, if he is making decisions like this without prior planning with you?

redexpat Wed 23-Apr-14 21:36:48

Well it's probably been a trying day for him too, but if he can take the wet clothes to the machine why not put them IN the machine?

CocktailQueen Wed 23-Apr-14 21:37:46

Bag them up for him. Put them on his pillow. Sleep in the spare room. Then shout at him when he asks you why.....

Or bag them up, leave them outside and ask him to deal with them tomorrow.

Or deal with them, but next time you have dc for the day, leave all the dirty washing etc. for your h to deal with.

If you can't talk to your h because he just shouts at everything, that's not much good.

Hugs and sympathy.

AgentZigzag Wed 23-Apr-14 21:39:14

He was being a tosser not cleaning it all up properly, but then he knew you'd do it didn't he?

More concerning is the fact that he's made you believe he can't talk about anything without shouting.

Of course he can, he just chooses not to because then you never dare question him.

What other things aren't you allowed to discuss with him?

Anything he doesn't want to hear by any chance?

jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 21:40:21

His excuse was 'didn't know how to clean the rug properly in case he ruined it' 'the washing machine is fairly new and didn't want to ruin the clothes'

I live with a man child. I hate moaning because he is great and does loads of other things but why not clean as you go?!

Im worse as I'm changing jobs and I have so much to finish at work before I quit this week the last thing I need is a wee smelling house.

PansOnFire Wed 23-Apr-14 21:42:15

Oh YANBU, at all! I'd be furious and especially if I'd been at work all day too.

You definitely need to talk to him about this, if he's a shouter then you need to start with something like "today must have been really hard for you" and then talk about how he should go about it once he thinks you're being sympathetic. I'm not one for placating and pandering to but I think in this case he needs to know in order for your life to be a bit easier.

Lots of sympathy, just remember it's not forever it is just a 'phase' (DD's accidents that is, not DH!).

jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 21:49:01

We are having a bad patch and its tense to talk about anything, His work is a nightmare at the moment I just wish he could have told me he was planning on training.

Yankee candles are burning and windows are open and I'm getting a carpet cleaner tomorrow.

I do like the idea of putting them on his pillow! grin

OhChristHasRisenFENTON Wed 23-Apr-14 21:56:20

Do you think there's a chance he's rather clumsily tried to do something very useful for you all?

I mean if he thought he could crack the toilet training (in one day, ha ha) wouldn't that be a great surprise!

Aside fr

OhChristHasRisenFENTON Wed 23-Apr-14 21:58:35


Aside from the 'only knows how to shout' perhaps you can have a laugh about this, without mocking, an appreciate the thought, whilst saying, you're doing the washing,right?

Icimoi Wed 23-Apr-14 22:00:12

Seems a nutty way to go about potty training anyway. Surely it was obvious she would keep having accidents unless he did something proactive about putting her on the potty? Surely in this day and age he could have googled for advice?

If he was feeling that helpful, he could have found out how to put the washing machine on as well.

Trillions Wed 23-Apr-14 22:02:48

YANBU. What a tosser!

Does he by any chance have a briefcase you could pee in while he's out? wink

AgentZigzag Wed 23-Apr-14 22:03:15

I can't understand why he didn't put the washing machine on either. Most these days are pretty self-explanatory, even a rinse through would have been better than leaving it for you to do.

Or if it's a really complicated washer he could have googled the instructions.

He's just making excuses that you should be the one to clean it up.

LineRunner Wed 23-Apr-14 22:08:57

This doesn't really make any sense to me.

Rupertandfifi Wed 23-Apr-14 22:15:25

put them on his pillow
Potty training is awful imo. He didn't do it as you would have liked, you hadn't discussed it but he had a go.
If it had worked, would you have been on here complimenting him?

jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 23:11:38

Had a bit of a light hearted laugh with him when he came in. He did apologise and I showed him how to work the machine smile

He blamed his bad sense of smell and the fact all windows and doors were open today so only when I ccame home and all was closed did the smell get bad.

I've had a glass of wine so I'm more relaxed and I do think he thought he was doing a fantastic thing to help.

All is as clean as I can get it for tonight so no more can be done. Off to bed I go!

LineRunner Wed 23-Apr-14 23:14:40

No, still not getting it.

jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 23:14:54

Rupert it was more about the mess I had to deal with not that he gave it a go.

Surely cleaning as you go in this task makes the most sense?

Canthisonebeused Thu 24-Apr-14 00:54:39

Do most people really google how to potty train?

SolidGoldBrass Thu 24-Apr-14 01:04:07

Is it a bit unusual for him to be looking after DC while you are at work? Is it normally the case that when you work, either your mum or a childminder looks after them?

Because it is possible that this is some kind of 'dirty protest' on his part to remind you that childcare is your job and his precious penis will fall off if he is expected to do it.

Monty27 Thu 24-Apr-14 01:14:37

did he even think of how dd was feeling?

Topaz25 Thu 24-Apr-14 01:25:13

YANBU. He didn't do a nice thing, he did a stupid thing. I don't have DC yet and even I know they don't potty train in one day! Has he never even read anything about children? And he can't/won't use the washing machine? It's straightforward to find the manual online. And he literally left puddles of piss for you to clean up? Surely he could see them, never mind smell them! Exactly what are you supposed to be grateful for? Your DD is 2.7 years old and your DH seems unable or unwilling to perform basic care like putting a nappy on her or cleaning up after her. That's worrying. Either he's clueless or making a passive aggressive point like SolidGoldBrass suggested.

weatherall Thu 24-Apr-14 02:07:47

he doesnt have to clean as he goes but neither do you have to clean up mess he makes

ZenGardener Thu 24-Apr-14 03:27:10

I don't understand how potty training is "helping" you.

Excuses, excuses, I think he is bullshitting you.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 05:04:18

Yes you should be grateful that he tried to do something nice for you hmm

I'm with solidgoldbrass on this one.
And I'd be hoping his penis does fall off.

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