My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to feel uncomfortable around this man

193 replies

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 11:07

A Dad of a little boy at my DS's nursery is too over familiar. I don't like it at all but I don't know if I'm being too over protective.

He talks to DS instead of me, high fives him, tries to make him hold his sons hand, shouts for him to run with him, touches his face & pokes his nose. I hate it. My DS hardly even responds but it doesn't seem to bother him, he just carries on.

One day he came later than me & I waited outside until he came out because I felt weird about it. He came out & had not kidnapped my child...

My DH hates it & wants me to say something but I have no idea what to say. Incidentally, he didn't speak to me or DS when DH was there.

He might just be a bit odd...

OP posts:
Report
Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2014 11:11

Yabvvu I am afraid, I was expecting something really bad but he is trying to engage with your child. If you don't like it move away. Not odd just trying to be friendly but not aware of mabey when enough is enough sort of thing.

Report
Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2014 11:14

Mabey if he tries to touch your ds face or nose tell him in a lighthearted way "oh ds does not like his face being touched, he's a bit funny about it" sort of thing. The rest is harmless and yes a bit Pfb

Report
Canus · 23/04/2014 11:19

Is there any chance the man runs classes or volunteers at the nursery?

That might explain why he feels he knows you son so well - your son might be very enthusiastic with him during nursery hours, but when he's going home with you, he's on a different wavelength.

Is he the same with all the children?

Or maybe his child raves about yours at home, and the father thinks they are best friends?

Report
zippey · 23/04/2014 11:26

Seems harmless enough, he is trying to get his son and yours to be friends. If your son isn't upset in any way, I think it sounds pretty innocent and something I'd want to encourage (the friendship).

I don't think it's him who is a bit odd in this situation.

YABU

Report
MothershipG · 23/04/2014 11:27

My DH is socially challenged very shy and is much more comfortable around small kids than adults, although he certainly wouldn't be as pushy as this dad is, but just wanted to suggest that as a possibility?

Report
Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2014 11:30

That's what I think can us, mabey his ds really likes your ds and they play together at nursery. Mabey his ds wants to be friends with your ds

Report
TheAwfulDaughter · 23/04/2014 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 23/04/2014 11:34

I'll start the MN bingo calling and ask if you'd feel the same if it was a woman?

Report
DrankSangriaInThePark · 23/04/2014 11:35

He probably talks to the kids not the mums because he's worried that the women might think he was hitting on them.

Report
Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2014 11:36

I wouldent mind personally either way, it's nit like this man is trying to groom your ds Hmm

Report
YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 13:07

Yes I'd feel similarly uncomfortable if it was a woman but for different reasons. When I'm talking to another mum for example, he'll run off with my DS when DS knows he should stay by me. He's conflicted & also he's been told about strangers but this guy is all over him, any normal person would see it was unwelcome to both of us.

It just wouldn't be as unusual for a woman to be this friendly but it would still feel over the top. I actually don't know any other men that are this over friendly with any children.

I'm a friendly person so it has to be pretty intense for me to feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Report
Ploppy16 · 23/04/2014 13:17

It could be that he feels his own son is too shy and wants to kind of 'push' a friendship onto your boys by being friendly (and obviously messing up by being too much).
Or maybe he doesn't like you but knows his own son is friends with yours.
Why did you have to specifically point out that he had not kidnapped your child?

Report
Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2014 13:49

I just think you are being ott, yes women can be like that too. Yes he might want his ds to be friends with your ds and is trying to push a friendship

Report
CoffeeTea103 · 23/04/2014 13:53

What about him kidnapping ??

Report
Objection · 23/04/2014 13:54

YABU. Would you have the same problem if this man was a woman?

Report
Objection · 23/04/2014 13:55

xpost sorry

Report
badidea · 23/04/2014 13:59

To be honest, it's probably just the way he is and the 'sinister' tones are all in your head. However, if your gut is telling you to avoid him, then avoid him. He is probably a perfectly innocent guy, but if (for whatever rational or irrational reason) you don't like him being around your son, then try and limit it.

If I came accross someone (man or woman) who's interactions with my child made my skin crawl, regardless of how wrong MN would consider it to be, I'd seek to limit those interactions, no point putting yourself through all this stress and worry for a guy who is no relation or friend of yours, he's just a punter, you don't want him touching your son, then make sure he doesn't.

Report
YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 14:01

I was being self deprecating. Of course he didn't kidnap my child. I am a worrier anyway and I hope I am being unreasonable. I'd like to think he's just a friendly - if overly ebullient - Daddy.

My DH is very reserved & shy so I can't get a proper perspective from him, that's why I'm asking here.

OP posts:
Report
JuniDD · 23/04/2014 14:04

I just think - trust your instincts. Rationally, there may be nothing to worry about but our spidey senses are their for a reason. If you don't like it, you don't like it, he's your son. If he tries to lead him away just say "No, DS will stay with me right now" and don't engage in whys and why nots.

Report
YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 14:26

Yes, my instincts. I will be doing this whatever the outcome of this thread because it's the only way to assuage my anxiety.

If I hadn't waited outside that day (for less than 5 mins) I would've been unsettled until pick up time. This way I felt I'd done my duty as protector & I felt happy to go home, drink tea & go on Mumsnet while DS had a nice time.

To be fair, DS1 has aspergers & is one of those children that makes a mother a worried, over protective one. Poor DS2 I guess.

OP posts:
Report
Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 14:30

YABU

I'm not really seeing a problem here. He interacts with your DS. A lot of men are great with children, very natural. So what is the problem, exactly?

Report
YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 14:35

Exactly? He's clearly missing or not reading the signs that 'we' don't welcome/like it. That's what makes it odd I think. No matter what we do (or don't do), he doesn't stop.

As I said, he may just be a bit odd. I'm usually ok with odd, just not around my children.

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Toizzy · 23/04/2014 14:36

I don't understand the "would you feel the same if it was a woman" comments. Surely that doesn't mean a thing since it wouldn't be such unusual behaviour if it was a woman?

Report
Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 14:40

But he's a dad with a child at the same nursery, not just some random stranger interacting with you.

Personally, I see nothing wrong. But say something to him if you need to, although I have no idea what you actually could say though. "You are too over familiar". Sounds a bit odd if he's making an effort to get on with everyone for his sons sake.

Report
NewNameForSpring · 23/04/2014 14:48

I am surprised by the responses you have got here OP.

If both you and your son are made uncomfortable by this man's behaviour then I think it is wrong of him to behave like this. It shows a huge lack of awareness of others.

I think he sounds a bit strange and would trust your judgement with regard to whether or not it is unusual. Not sure what you can do about it though unless you can be very assertive and say with regard to distinct things ie getting your son to run off with him, "Could you not ask DS to do that? I don't like it."

That would be fine if not said in an aggressive manner I think. I;m sure many parents would hate this in real life.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.