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Not RSVPing - rude and annoying!

(34 Posts)
DandyDelores Tue 22-Apr-14 20:32:07

So, DS's (6yo) birthday party is fast approaching.

Having asked DS (prior to printing out invitations) who he wanted from his class, he named quite a few children. I thought it would be unkind to leave out fewer than half the class and, especially having heard through our nanny (who does drop-offs and pick-ups) that certain children had never been invited to any of the many birthday parties that have been taking place this academic year, decided to invite the whole class. I have also invited his friends (10 in total) from activities he takes part in outside of school, whose parents I am also friends with, and I know that they are able to make it.

Invitations to the class went out over a month ago and his teacher kindly helped me hand out invites to all the children in the class i.e. put them in their book bags. I have had the parents of only 9 classmates RSVP to say that they are coming - complete silence from the remainder. I had considered specifying a deadline for people to RSVP, but thought that might perhaps come across as heavy-handed. I have hired a couple of party entertainers and a large hall so would have more than enough room to fit the whole class plus 10, but I'm certainly not willing to cater for an extra 15+ children (food, drinks, party bags, etc) who may not show up - however, what do I do if they suddenly turn up despite having not RSVPed?! I don't have the parents' personal details so can't contact them other than through the class-teacher/my nanny. FWIW, my nanny has tried to prompt those parents she knows have not RSVPed yet to do so, but still nothing.

WIBU to send notes to those who haven't RSVPed with something along the lines of, "Sorry that you can't make it to DS's party on X date. DS will bring in [a cake/some sweets] on his actual birthday to share with all the kids in the class."? That way, I can go ahead and plan the party with a set idea of numbers. I realise this doesn't remove the risk of certain people just turning up on the day, but I would hope it would significantly reduce it. Short of the idea above and/or having a bouncer-type figure at the door(!), I'm at a loss as to what else to do.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 22-Apr-14 23:23:10

Agree it's rude

Love musicals idea about time and place but not venue just like celebs weddings

Do you have a class list? Most schools do

Or ask secretary to email/ring those parents who havnt replied if she won't give you their details due to data protection blah blah blah

DamnBamboo Tue 22-Apr-14 23:24:02

Seriously dandy overthinking for sure.

We're talking 15 extra kids - that's 8 extra sandwiches, an extra cucumber, another jug of squash and an additional large bag of crisps!

Food sorted.

Party bags can be re-used next year of for younger sibs if they don't get given away.

DandyDelores Tue 22-Apr-14 23:30:00

Well, the actual number is 19 (and I have no idea if they have or will be bringing siblings precisely because they haven't RSVPed).

I'm just annoyed, 'sall. I could have saved myself the hassle by just inviting 10 children from DS's class (my original plan until my nanny told me about the other children who never get to go to parties sad). I know, I'll just blame her instead! grin

Disclaimer - don't mind me, I do love my nanny!

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 22-Apr-14 23:54:24

Maybe the 'other children' who don't normally get invites don't reliese they have been invited

Are they the ones who havnt replied?

I always go through book bag (I'm a nanny) but bet many parents don't

JessieMcJessie Wed 23-Apr-14 01:47:35

In future I'd be very clear about the reason to RSVP i.e. "Please can you text me to let me know that your son/daughter is coming, so that I can make sure we have enough food. If I haven't heard from you by... then I'll assume that he/she can't make it. " It's a bit bonkers to feel that giving a date by which to RSVP is "heavy handed". You can always make it really late, like 2 days before or something.

HicDraconis Wed 23-Apr-14 03:56:32

You are being lovely to invite the entire class and I agree it's rude not to RSVP. I have a similar issue with DS1's party on Sunday - of the 3 invitees from school, one hasn't replied. Which would be fine except the reason I gave a deadline for RSVP is that we're taking them to the cinema and I need to book tickets tomorrow!

I've bought bits for an extra party bag in case of late reply and there's always too much food, one more or less won't be an issue (make your own pizza tea) but should I book a cinema ticket on the off chance? Or not and then risk upsetting a boy who is only 7 so it's not his fault his parents are flakey. All the others were invited by word of mouth or email, had rapid replies from everyone else bar this one.

Sorry, have hijacked with my own mini rant smile yanbu. & hope your son has a happy birthday & lovely party!

uselessidiot Wed 23-Apr-14 07:34:29

YANBU, it's incredibly rude. I've still not really recovered from the embarrassment of people not replying to my wedding and the resultant catering disaster.

LouSend Wed 23-Apr-14 07:52:17

Fwiw we invited the whole class this year and I did specify an rsvp date - quite heavy handedly, too, as in previous years people just didn't bother.

When the date had come and gone there were still 11 people who hadn't rsvpd.

Over the next few days most of them responded, but not all.

Every single one of them attended the party.

Plan for everyone turning up. But don't do party bags for siblings unless you have agreed to them being there.

musicalendorphins2 Wed 23-Apr-14 08:26:40

Yep, better to plan for them and have extra that the other way around. Next year you can do the "contact me for details" tip.

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