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to be surprised they have been accepted to foster

(117 Posts)
NachoAddict Mon 21-Apr-14 13:38:13

Dps ex and her partner have signed contracts to become foster parents, she has given up her job and from what she has said they are just waiting to be allocated two children.

I know its none of my business hence me speculating here and not in rl, but I am very surprised they have been accepted and wonder if they have been entirely truthful.

Main reasons are : Dsd is 5 years old, she is currently living in her 8th home, attending her 4th school and is living with her 3rd live in step dad. Surely if ex is incapable of providing a stable home life for her own dd, she doesn't have much hope of providing it for foster children either?

She and her partner met less than 2 years ago. Ex was visiting her mum in a priory type clinic when she met her partner on a smoking break. He was there being treated as an inpatient for a cocaine addiction.

She was pregnant within 3 months of meeting him and their relationship has been volatile since with them splitting up several times most recently November last year.

She relies heavily on mil for help with dsd and also now with her new dd. Since dsd was a baby she has spent several nights a week with mil, upto two weeks at a time. She also spends usually two nights a week with us, more at holidays and has overnight stays with her other nan. So basically she doesn't spend a lot of time with her mum. Why she would want to add extra children into the mix when she doesn't look after her own is beyond me.

So are fostering criteria really that lenient, am I being unreasonable to be surprised about this.

NewNameForSpring Mon 21-Apr-14 13:41:58

If the well being of vulnerable children is in question, surely a phone call to SS wouldn't go amiss.

It certainly sounds worrying and I would think it perfectly reasonable to let SS know what you know. As you said, who knows if they have been truthful.

Foster children need someone on their side.

YouAreMyRain Mon 21-Apr-14 13:42:17

I doubt it's true. I know for adoption they would have interviewed her ex partners including your DP. Do they have two spare bedrooms? What age do they claim to have been approved for?

puntasticusername Mon 21-Apr-14 13:43:04

I think the clue could be in your very first sentence - "from what she has said".

Are you sure you know the full story?

X3512 Mon 21-Apr-14 13:43:54

Given the set up you describe re addictions and drug use (not the school stuff) I am surprised. I thought they really looked into the family not just the applicant so yes-I'm surprised but they must have passed the checks.

StillaChocoholic Mon 21-Apr-14 13:46:22

I doubt she'll have been approved.

My husband and I are going through the process, they want to know everything. The want to speak to previous serious partners especially if you have kids with them, they want several referees, they want medicals. They want to know all about your past. From what you've said she wouldn't stand a chance.

jacks365 Mon 21-Apr-14 13:47:41

Ha ha ha ha

Can't wait to see what excuse she uses for the children not actually appearing.

I know foster carers for both social services directly and via private agencies and no way would this couple be approved for fostering.

Nomama Mon 21-Apr-14 13:48:10

Make a call. Explain your worries and then put the phone down and forget all about it.

You can always call back if anything untoward happens later.

But do make that initial call.

NachoAddict Mon 21-Apr-14 13:49:45

Their social worker has rang to speak to dp but keeps missing him. Apparently that is just to get a feel of the dynamics as dsd spends a lot of time with us.

They do have 2 spare rooms, they rent her mothers 4 bed house as her mum has moved in with her partner. They have their baby dd in with them and dsd has her own room leaving two spare.

They said they have been accepted for children aged 4 -10.

Coconutty Mon 21-Apr-14 13:50:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilypie13 Mon 21-Apr-14 13:52:16

I think you should definitely raise your concerns with ss

Llareggub Mon 21-Apr-14 13:53:05

Your DP should ring the social worker back, surely?

NachoAddict Mon 21-Apr-14 13:53:22

Those saying make a call, would you call the agency they are using or their social worker? I have his phone number as he has contacted me to look for dp.

I am worried if I do say anything she would stop contact with dsd, that is her default reaction.

When I initially heard about their plans I thought it would just fall through at the first hurdle. Much like her plans to go build orphanages in Kenya or her degree course which she never completed.

NachoAddict Mon 21-Apr-14 13:54:28

Lare he is reluctant to speak to them because he wants no part in it. He thinks its ridiculous.

blanchedeveraux Mon 21-Apr-14 13:54:54

She sounds like a fantasist who thinks she can "make money" from fostering. Local authorities are desperate for foster carers, but not that desperate.

Jellymum1 Mon 21-Apr-14 13:57:25

I wasnt approved on the grounds I had been on antidepressants after the birth of my daughter. so just that one thing got me a no. I doubt she is telling the truth they rake everything up and I mean everything!

Nennypops Mon 21-Apr-14 13:59:52

OP, if your husband thinks this is ridiculous then he really must speak to the social worker. It would be totally irresponsible not to. There are very vulnerable children at stake here.

Nennypops Mon 21-Apr-14 14:00:30

Sorry, partner, not husband.

glammanana Mon 21-Apr-14 14:02:03

I would find it difficult to believe that they have been allocated children before your DP has been interviewed about previous relationship,when my DD was waiting for the process to be finalised my DH & I had to be interviewed in depth as we have such a close relationship with our DGCs we then had to wait for school reports etc & Doctors reports I would certainly make your feeling known to SS as someone has to make sure things have not been glossed over.

Nennypops Mon 21-Apr-14 14:03:06

Someone else will know more about this than me, but I suspect that if you ask the SW not to tell the ex that it was you or your partner who blew the whistle she'll respect it. It does sound as if, for the sake of your dsd, you can reasonably keep quiet because there are a number of places where the SW could potentially find out the truth.

PaschalFancy Mon 21-Apr-14 14:06:53

Failing to speak to the SW isn't "having no part in it", it's being complicit by concealing information.

DP may be right that it's ridiculous, but how's the SW going to come to the same conclusion if he doesn't know what your DP knows?

KayVerinder Mon 21-Apr-14 14:08:29

No way will they have been approved on what you have said. I would call the Social Worker back myself.

Have they been to panel and been approved or are they talking about what their form F assessor/social worker is recommending them for?

LaurieFairyCake Mon 21-Apr-14 14:08:41

The only part of that list that might cause an issue is the two year relationship and the previous drug abuse. But if they've been in recovery for 2 years that may be ok.

It's unlikely they will have an issue with moving house, plenty of people do that. - or the fact she stays with
granny a couple of nights a week, it's not exactly sinister.

I think they sound crap though and I would mention it to the social worker.

And they're not going to get approved with a very young baby, that's for definite. So if they did get approved its a year in the future.

StillaChocoholic Mon 21-Apr-14 14:12:07

Just to add, we were wanting to foster babies initially but because we have a one year old our social worker suggested relief care for a teenager, as the demands for fostering a baby (contact visits etc) are quite high.
As it turns out we think that relief care will really suit us right now.

Point is social services generally prefer your own kids to be at least 2 years older than those you are fostering and they prefer you not to foster babies/toddlers if you have a baby yourself. It's too demanding and your child/ren are your priority is the message we got.

NachoAddict Mon 21-Apr-14 14:25:54

Their daughter is almost one year old and dsd is 5.

Kay They recently went on a training day and age said they have signed contracts, I don't know what stage of the process that puts them at.

Laurie its not just moving house though, its 8 house in 5 years and four schools, she is only half way through her second year. Its nit a very stable environment. She has lived with 3 different step dads. Stepdad a for awhile, then stepdad B, then Stepdad A again and now step dad C.

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