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To wonder where all the normal, single men are?

(443 Posts)
Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 08:46:54

because, sure as hell, they are not within a 50 mile radius of me.

This comes off the back of being let down again. I was meant to have a date tomorrow, now i do not.

Lovely man, 40, deputy head of an ' outstanding school' Not only did he send me the most 'penisey' photo, where even in jogging bottoms his cock felt the need to make its presence known, but, after some internet reasearch, i found he had two facebook accounts, one of which he is only friends with very young, very naked, eastern women.

I cancelled the date, clearly he is nuts. However, this seems to be the case more often than not, and its so very very tiring.

Ive been single for 5.5 years, i dont want to remarry, but id just like someone, it seems so impossible.

JonSnowKnowsNothing Sun 20-Apr-14 08:51:21

He sounds...interesting!

I really do feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. I'm not too fussed as I like being single really - but sometimes it'd be nice to do things and go places with a partner.
And there are absolutely no decent ones around here either, it seems. I'm 29, no kids and don't want any, and ideally would like to find a guy in 30's 40's without children who doesn't want any either.
Think I'm going to be looking a long while....!

How did your chap respond to you cancelling?

2blackcats2 Sun 20-Apr-14 08:51:59

I can sympathise with this - am trying to get to grips with internet dating and it is so, so hard.

I really wish I had known how difficult it becomes to meet somebody when you leave your twenties.

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 08:55:59

Oh, i just sent him a text saying that he might want to rethink his fb privacy settings and internet presence as being a deputy head its probably not appropriate to be friends with very young, naked women.

he didnt reply.

Jonsnow, 29 and you are finding it hard? i had hoped that maybe it was easier when you were younger, i started at age 30.. im now 35. I have the worlds biggest list of odd men and things you couldnt even make up if you tried. Ive kissed more frogs than anyone should have to,and a few utter toads as well.

And im still single.

JonSnowKnowsNothing Sun 20-Apr-14 08:59:01

In fairness, I don't make a huge effort. I go through cycles of going on dates (POF, OKCupid, etc) usually being totally mortified at how dreadfully it goes, retreating back into my shell of singledom, etc.
In reality I just need to get out an socialise more but finances are a bit tight at the mo, and as I live rurally everywhere requires taxis, etc. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm destined to be alone with my cats, however...
Good text to that guy - he honesty sounds foul! I've never understood what men hope to achieve by sending cock pictures!

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 09:05:35

oh, i do the same, this last episode has see me cancelling all my profiles, i really have better things to do with my time than to waste a whole week chatting to someone who turns out to be so odd.

Finances are always tight, i do get out and about, but ive never been asked for my number.

Its coming up for 6 years on my own. Never would have thought it would happen like this.

2blackcats2 Sun 20-Apr-14 09:23:39

Me neither Cake.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Do you have children? Most of my friends married university boyfriends - wish I hadn't focused so much on my studies!

MummyBeerest Sun 20-Apr-14 09:24:38

I'm not single, but I was thinking about this the other day-I know that if I was single now, I'd be extremely disheartened by the whole dating lark.

I haven't dated in over a decade, but Christ it seems likea minefield. I think, with online dating/social media, you go from not knowing anything about a person to EVERYTHING in mere minutes. So you have to decide right away if the person is worth your real life time based on snips of information you can compile instantly.

It used to be, you met someone, went on a few dates, got to know a person, discover their quirks and foibles, and then see where it goes.

Now, you can chat online, text each other, and if there's no spark on the first date, it's already over. Presuming all your instant messages and chats were good enough to begin.

I realise there are lots of people to be avoided in the dating world, but I think many good ones are written off right away for not being open books before even meeting.

marchelinemadrid Sun 20-Apr-14 09:30:42

It's dire out there, that's for sure.
I'm a few days single after a recent go at OD, I think I'll be single for a long time to come.

CeruleanStars Sun 20-Apr-14 09:33:13

Sadly I don't think there are any. I have given up thinking about it and have resigned myself to staying single.

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 09:35:02

Im 35.
I was married at 22, found myself divorced at 30, with one child.

Mummy, i dont think its do with people not being open books, i think its much more that people can be who they want behind a screen, that until you get to know them, you have to take what they say on face value. And that people, can be very very dishonest.

Since mid jan when i gave dating another go, after having a break, ive had a man who told me, mid shag, on the 7th date, that he was still in love with his ex and how perfect she was. So, that was that. Ive had another i had to dump after 5 dates who was clearly suffering some kind of big mental health issues that stopped him being a fully functioning person.

Ive had 5 seperate men send me penis photos, 3 who just wanted to sext and not meet, 1 who keeps asking me out at 9:30pm but insists hes not bootycalling me. The werid deputy head.

This comes off the back of last years granny shaggers and stalkers.

I wish i was making this up.

Im a normal woman, i look ok ( ill stick a quick pic up for a limited time) i have a job, a nice house, lots of interests, but that doesnt seem to make any difference.

RandomInternetStranger Sun 20-Apr-14 09:41:14

They don't exist. I have given up. They are all either irresponsible, immature, lying, cheating, spongers, alcoholics, chavs, too many issues, live with their mothers, abusive, gamblers, bimboys, arrogant, misogynistic, crap in bed or needy and they're so not worth it. I'd rather be single forever than settle for someone like that who doesn't make me happy. I'm currently pg and single because I'm 37 now and would rather do it alone than put up with some feckless father screwing my child up, and I'm not putting my life on hold any longer waiting for the male population to grow up and get a clue. Men do not appreciate me and see me for what I'm really worth, I seem to have a neon sign on my head only men can see which says it is OK for them to treat me like shit and I do not trust them anymore, or myself to pick a decent man, if they exist, so I've decided not to put myself in that position any more.

RandomInternetStranger Sun 20-Apr-14 10:07:42

Needs your list sounds like mine! in the last couple of years I've had a man who emailed a mother at my daughter's school who he'd never met, a woman I have to see on the school run for the next 10 years, asking her for a threesome with me and him, I've had a gambling alcoholic who lived with his mother and blows his kids maintenance on vodka and poker but who originally told me he had one child (he had 2 by 2 different women), his own house, was a broker in the city, had a BMW and earned close to 6 figures a year (he lived with his mother, had a Clio which was so old and beaten up it was illegal and dangerous and he still expected me and his children to ride in it, I refused, and he had not worked for nearly 2 years and not signing on and just expected me to fund him), I've had a guy dump me on my birthday via text because seeing me was "preventing him from seeing other women", a guy who spent 2 weeks planning a date with me only to arrange me to meet him at his, which was a tip, where he was in tracky bums, eating garlic loaded food when we were apparently going out to dinner and I had got all dressed up, we had a smooch on the sofa and after I'd stripped half off his flatmate and his friends walked in - never told me he lived with other people and they could be home any minute, then kicked me out mid snog because his mate had a video game he wanted to play! Then there was the guy who arranged a date, I went to his, again dressed up, knocked on the door and his GRANDMOTHER answered and said he'd gone out for the night with the boys! She felt so bad she gave me dinner and we watched tv for the evening together but FFS! My friends are all dating equally useless men, those who are so screwed up they can barely function, ones who at mid 40s are still not yet sure if they are gay or straight, those who cheat and lie constantly. I don't know what is wrong with men these days. What happened to the Hunter gatherer, the strong man's man who looks after his family, the one who knew cheating is wrong, the gentlemen? sad I give up, I'd rather have no one than someone not good enough.

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 10:08:16

I do tend to agree with you ( and congrats for going it alone), though it makes me feel sad to do so.

Im also kind of fed up with the blame for not meeting someone to be laid at the womans door, either shes trying too hard, or not hard enough, or needs more interests, or needs less as shes intimidating, etc, etc.

Its just frustrating all round.

And, i just cant believe a 40 year old deputy head can be such a dick.

JonSnowKnowsNothing Sun 20-Apr-14 10:16:22

Random I read your post in shock! You've had some bloody bad luck!! Luckily mine tend to go wrong just on the first date which means I never have to prolong the agony. Can't believe the threesome chap!!

IneedAwittierNickname Sun 20-Apr-14 10:20:23

Yanbu. I had yet another disasterous date yesterday, but am late for church so. Can't describe it now. Will try and remember to come back!

Ladyfoxglove Sun 20-Apr-14 10:23:27

There is a tiny pool of tall, smart, well educated and charming men. The remainder are short, bald, fat, badly dressed, poorly educated and stuck in the early 1990s culturally.

Unfortunately, with women, it's the other way around. Women just seem like the more advanced species at the moment (generally).

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 10:24:17

Random, oh dear. I have stories a mile long, I have to say, im very cynical now, and always do some digging before i leave my house, usually i uncover something and end up cancelling the date. Elsei ask some leading questions and there is usually a point they trip themselves up.

The sheer number of men over 30 who still live at home and have no life skills is truely baffling.

I had been seeing a boy ( cant call him a man) for about 6 weeks or so, i had him over for dinner, cooked what he wanted ( a full blown roast) as he was funny over food, and then after eating ,he literally got up, left the table and said he was going to go watch some tv while i cleared up.


It doesnt seem to matter how posh they are, or how many degrees they have, or how well they are doing in their careers ( yes mr ' id like to do a cum tribute for you, risk manager, im talking to you). Doesnt matter if its a paid site ( mr eharmony man who literally RAN out on the date after 10 mins, i mean you) or a free site ( because what woman doesnt want more cock shots...)

Its all the same old shit.

id just like someone nice, who has a proper job, his own home ( renting is fine) who has friends, no social issues and doesnt want me to be his mum. Thats all.

5.5 years on and ive still not found it.

Bananasandnutella Sun 20-Apr-14 10:26:43

I wish I knew what happened. Been single for ages after ex left me for a younger woman. My friends always said it will happen when you least expect it. It did and he was lush and we both got on great, had feelings etc, but he said he didn't want a relationship.

So fast forward and I'm now online dating. Not yet been on a date, but my first one is Monday.

CheckpointCharlie Sun 20-Apr-14 10:28:34

You are so pretty!
My single friends have both found a nice bloke on plenty of fish. In fact they have found a few. grin

My other friend has been single for years and despite being completely gorgeous, hugely professional and super nice, can't seem to find anyone.

Could you ask friends if they know anyone? Work colleagues? Although that might look a bit.... But fuck it why not?!

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 10:31:23

I have no shame in asking, ive asked lots of people. Noone ever knows anyone, or noone thats not single for a reason.... so, i dont want them.

RandomInternetStranger Sun 20-Apr-14 10:34:49

Lady you are spot on!! I am 37 and apart from being pregnant and fat at the moment I usually look good, I am still in shape, I wear make up and do my dyed hair, I wear fashionable and flattering clothes, I put my children before unimportant or selfish pursuits, I own my own home which I take care of and I have a decent road worthy car I look after. I pay my bills myself, I don't drink anymore at all really, and when I do its only a few on a special occasion and I'm not paralytic so I can't remember anything, I like meals out, theatre, cinema, dancing, country walks, culture, fun, socialising with friends, holidays, spending time with family, taking the kids on memorable days out, I consider myself to be a grown up, I am loyal, loving, generous, helpful, a good friend, a great girlfriend, I'm a catch! Yet the men around here in my age range, and I'm apparently in a very good area, all look like my Uncle Jimmy and that's not good!!! They are all overweight, they don't make any effort with clothes, they don't take care of themselves, they don't take care of their families, barely have jobs, certainly don't have their own homes or a car, they drink too much, gamble, get aggressive, they're all screwed up from some minor trauma 15 years ago they can never get over, they put football, the lads, gambling and tv before their partners, they are all undeservedly arrogant, and FFS sake why do none of them know how to touch a woman and last longer than 2 thrusts??? Seriously it is not that difficult!

CheckpointCharlie Sun 20-Apr-14 10:35:35

Oh how frustrating. That deputy head sounds v dodgy.

Could you learn a new thing, that would bring you into contact with suitable men; rock climbing, pool, tennis, erm, chess?!

Amrapaali Sun 20-Apr-14 10:35:52

Big hugs for Needsmorecake . This dating malarkey sounds like shit. Take care of yourself and DD.

Going by all the other posts, If the right man comes along, it sounds like it will be a bloody miracle! How do men never grow up? Where did it all go wrong?

Needsmorecake Sun 20-Apr-14 10:43:22

random - oh, you sound like me! I do all that stuff too, i get on really well with people, the other week i went to the pub with two 20 year old, male friends, and then last week i had lunch with another friend who is in her mid 50s. Im really approchable, im nice, im fun.

Clubs etc, catch 22, lots i would like to do, funds allowing me to do so and any kind of babysitting in the evening knock that on the head right now.

Men dont grow up, i had one that didnt know how to fill a hot water bottle. He then refused to do it and asked me to as he thought he would need to practise with cold water a few times first.

I shit you not.

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