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Am I being over sensitive and unreasonable?

(157 Posts)
Beavie Sun 20-Apr-14 03:21:49

It is dp's 40th in the summer. For a long time he has made it clear that he would like to be abroad for his birthday. The problem is, I am doing an access course this year with no financial help and I am so poor I can barely afford to feed myself and the kids let alone think about saving up for a holiday. We don't live together and dp's wages wouldn't stretch to taking me and my kids on holiday as well as him and his own kids.

Dp gets quite irate that I 'won't' do anything about his 40th. I keep telling him I can't shit miracles, and yes it's bad timing but I can't do anything about the fact that this year I am really skint. Next year when I am at uni I will have a lot more cash floating around and I have suggested maybe we go away at Christmas instead and just do something little on his actual birthday.

Now he has announced that he wants to go to Thailand with a female friend. He had known her for a long time and they are just platonic friends but all the same I feel like it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for me to think he will be going away for a month to celebrate his 40th with another woman. But, basically if he stays in England to be with me he will always resent me for it and probably have a shit birthday as I won't be able to afford to do much for him. Am I being unreasonable in having a bit of an issue with him going?

steff13 Sun 20-Apr-14 03:27:44

Can he afford to take you to Thailand, and leave the kids at home? I wouldn't be thrilled with my husband going on vacation with another woman, platonic or not.

Beavie Sun 20-Apr-14 03:31:01

No he has to take his as he only gets to see them in the holidays as they live quite far away, and leaving mine behind isn't an option as i literally don't have anyone to leave them with.

steff13 Sun 20-Apr-14 03:38:02

So, it's not just him and the woman, but him, the woman, and his kids? I still wouldn't like it. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

How long have you been together?

lunar1 Sun 20-Apr-14 03:51:18

I don't think you can ask him not to go. This is obviously something he really wants for what he sees as a big milestone.

Roshbegosh Sun 20-Apr-14 03:53:17

He isn't really your partner is he?

ZenGardener Sun 20-Apr-14 04:11:01

So who exactly is going? It sounds like you are omitting details here.

Slainte Sun 20-Apr-14 06:48:43

If he can afford a month in Thailand for himself and his DC. He could definitely instead afford a week in Europe for you both and all your DC.

He sounds a bit spoilt having these expectations for your money. I would not be happy with the going away with another woman for a month.


fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 20-Apr-14 06:55:15


He shouldn't do that and is acting like child.

No one needs a month holiday for a birthday.

Are you also 100% sure they are platonic???sorry.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 20-Apr-14 06:56:49

I actually would let him go but dump him. I don't readily say LTB either usually.

flowery Sun 20-Apr-14 07:00:44

"dp's wages wouldn't stretch to taking me and my kids on holiday as well as him and his own kids."

Of course they would, if you went somewhere cheaper or for not as long or both.

He doesn't sound very nice.

Jinty64 Sun 20-Apr-14 07:06:07

Does he have any good points? This would finish it for me. If he wanted to do something abroad with you he could afford it if he can afford a month in Thailand. He is doing exactly what he wants to do, and stuff you. Have you been seeing each other long?

Booboostoo Sun 20-Apr-14 07:11:25

What Slainte said! Why doesn't he chose a more affordable holiday you can all go on?

SavoyCarrot Sun 20-Apr-14 07:11:43

A month in Thailand! If he wanted to he could take you and all the dc away for the cost of a month away.

coffeeinbed Sun 20-Apr-14 07:13:30

One month?
Not even the queen has a one month celebration for her birthday.

He knows you can't afford it, why would he resent it?

Only1scoop Sun 20-Apr-14 07:17:48

A month in Thailand wow....he must be very comfortable financially to zip off for that amount of time.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Sun 20-Apr-14 07:29:08

Sounds like a selfish twat to me. YANBU.

gamerchick Sun 20-Apr-14 07:35:54

A month away with another woman because you don't have the money to treat him the way he wants?

Not a chance would I put up with that. He could afford a week away for all of you, he's just being a selfish arse.

I really would tell him to knob off and write the whole thing off.

Chottie Sun 20-Apr-14 07:38:46

No YNBU at all.

A month's holiday with another woman!!!! I'm sorry to have to say this, but he does not sound very committed to your relationship.

fuzzpig Sun 20-Apr-14 07:40:43

Wow what a spoilt brat!

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 20-Apr-14 07:47:46

He sounds very spoilt. It's also my 40th this July, we're having a big party in our garden. HIBU if he expects you to find money from nowhere, and expects you to be ok with him going away for a month with another woman. All it takes is a few too many drinks to go from platonic to FWB (IMO anyway).

tripecity Sun 20-Apr-14 07:52:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia Sun 20-Apr-14 08:00:33

Not many people would be able to afford to pay for themselves and their families to spend a month on holiday in a different continent !

He could afford to pay for you and your children if he scaled back his plans. You're just not important enough to him.

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo Sun 20-Apr-14 08:11:46

YADNBU! He sounds like a selfish twat. Who the hell needs a one month holiday in Thailand, a fortnight would be sufficient.

OP if he goes ahead going on the holiday with another woman (platonic or not), I'd finish with.

Odaat Sun 20-Apr-14 08:13:45


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