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Confused at No Sex (still)

(16 Posts)
NurseyWursey Tue 15-Apr-14 17:26:36

Also worth knowing that if she has started any new meds, they can have an affect on sex drive.

Rainbunny Tue 15-Apr-14 17:06:37

Not a politically correct thing to say these days as apparently women are supposed to be rearing for sex just as much as men... but the truth is, every woman I know, myself included has a lower sex drive than our partners. So I wouldn't assume that your DP is going off you.
I love sex and I think that 6 weeks IS a long time actually but I also know that if my DH didn't instigate sex we would have a lot less of it.

My friends and I think that we (women) tend to retain the stresses of the day in our heads more which crowds out the more immediate feelings like feeling horny more than men do (totally unproven theory concocted by 6 women drinking wine so take this theory with a pinch of salt).

Definitely talk to her about this, she's an adult and she knows that sex is part of a relationship. You sound understanding and sensitive so just remember to reassure your DP that it's not something she's doing "wrong" but that you desire her and miss the intimacy with her.

RedFocus Tue 15-Apr-14 15:46:33

I've been with my dh for nearly 5 years and 6 weeks is a long time to go without to me. I would think there was something wrong if my dh and I hadn't had sex in six weeks. A couple of weeks yeah but 6 would have me worried.
I think it's time to make a move and get things back on track. If she is still not warming to you then you will have to have a chat and see whats going on. You can't just not say anything and hope she comes around as you could be waiting forever. Good luck.

balenciaga Tue 15-Apr-14 13:46:44

6 weeks is a long time to go without IMO esp in a new relationship, 12 months in esp with no dcs and if you don't live together, is nothing

I've been with dh over 6 years and got 3 dcs and we've not done it fir about that long as I gave birth to dc3 8 days ago and prior to that had bad back / hip pain due to pregnancy. But to us, it feels ages and we both miss it very much. We both want to get back to it ASAP blush

TheCunkOfPhilomena Tue 15-Apr-14 13:40:57

I am having a bit of a down time atm and my DP and I have only dtd once in the last month. I am incredibly tired, have been present at my friend's mum's death (and funeral) and my DS has an ongoing medical complaint that meant he had to have a biopsy a couple of weeks ago.

I feel quite pressured by myself to get my act together and dtd as it is becoming a thing now.

I just want you to know that it may not be about you at all OP, there are many many reasons that can affect the libido. Please don't automatically think that she doesn't find you attractive. Talk to her.

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 15-Apr-14 13:27:51

YY, talk about it.

I've got to say - and I may be misunderstanding here - but you say 'me being understanding and not pressurising her' ... erm, isn't that normal behaviour?! It just seems such an odd thing to mention, as if you'd imagined that maybe other people wouldn't do that as of standard?

Anyway, uh, no, I sincerely doubt that the lack of pressure makes her think you don't want sex.

The lack of talking about it might, I guess.

I would guess her mentioning it tickles is just feedback, no more and no less. Ask her how she likes it?

Lauren83 Tue 15-Apr-14 13:01:11

My partner has a much lower sex drive than me, I always want to have sex he doesn't but I always wait for him to be ready, sometimes he will instigate it by grabbing my boob or something and it puts me right off like he is forcing himself to do it out of duty so I often brush him off as it feels so awkward then kick myself it might be weeks til he tries again! I would much rather he just kissed me and we could see what happens


dwinnol Tue 15-Apr-14 12:39:39

Start with kissing. Proper kissing, long and intense and often. If that doesn't take you anywhere you've got to talk to her.

Eebahgum Tue 15-Apr-14 12:28:49

Other than the sex would you say your relationship is good at the moment? Are you happy in each others company, do you chat, are you physical other than for sex (cuddles, kisses etc)? Is she doing ok emotionally? Not tired, having a tough time at work etc? 6lbs is a great start but she probably won't feel any differently about her body yet. Does she know you think she's gorgeous? Could she name your favourite body part?

ICanSeeTheSun Tue 15-Apr-14 12:22:17

6 weeks for me would be a long time.

Just talk about it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 15-Apr-14 12:16:35

And six weeks isn't long in a secure, loving relationship tbh.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 15-Apr-14 12:15:46

Did you just grab her boob out of the blue or was there kissing etc beforehand?

NurseyWursey Tue 15-Apr-14 11:56:46

6 weeks isnt long to be honest. Sometimes after the honey moon phase sex just slows down. Me and DP are in our 20's, we've not had sex for a few weeks but we both know there's nothing wrong.

You need to talk to her, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Have you instigated sex? And I don't mean by touching her boob, that's not the biggest turn on in the world...

Chocoholism Tue 15-Apr-14 11:45:30

You have to talk about it. Take her somewhere private but away from the bedroom so she doesn't feel like you want sex right that minute and feel pressured. Then tell her how you feel. Relationships won't work or last if you cannot discuss your feelings IMO.

stopfuckingspraying Tue 15-Apr-14 11:45:03

Sorry, meant to post this in Relationships. Don't know how to remove

stopfuckingspraying Tue 15-Apr-14 11:38:53

I posted on here a week or so about my DP feeling unattractive and not being intimate etc. We joined a weight watchers class and have both lost weight on our first week (she lost a huge 6lbs!)

Anyway, it's been about 6 weeks since we had sex now.

Last night I touched her boob and she told me to stop, laughed and said it was tickling her..

She previously made a comment about being so long since she had sex she has forgotten what it feels like.

This confuses me.

By me being understanding and not pressurising her for sex, is she getting the impression that I don't want it.

I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to turn it into a "thing" and make things worse.

Any suggestions? Is she going off me?

She is always talking about us moving in together and pottering round my flat and doing things for me so I don't think she has lost interest.

We have no DC and have been dating for 12 months

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