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Another christening AIBU….

(19 Posts)
BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 10:21:14

We would like to have a really small christening for DD. Just us, PIL and godparents. We could go to a really nice restaurant near us afterwards and it would be quite relaxing.

For DS we invited our siblings (plus children, also my mum but she died last year). I spent the entire time running around getting people food & drinks. Really I just wanted to cuddle DS and enjoy the moment.

My sisters (we are not blood siblings but were raised together) are very unsupportive, the main comment at DS's was that it was a shop bought cake (the horrors!). Also a few issues with them but that's a whole other thread (very insensitive and generally nosey and pushy i.e. invite themselves to places/events, I know it sounds petty but it drives me mad. On a non petty note they also bring up very personal information from my childhood which is quite upsetting for me).

I think they also think they are going to be asked to be godparents….
They keep asking when the christening would be.

I have 3 choices:
1 - invite everyone and just put up with it for 1 afternoon
2 - tell them we are having a very small event and not inviting everyone (they we would be fuming and hurt, I don't really want to hurt their feelings despite our differences. I am closer to one sister and consider her a sister, the other not so much and she wouldn't call me her sister either - it's complicated!).
3 - don't tell them. Meaning I would have to lie and pretend we weren't having one.

Thought of a 4th - say we had as part of the normal church service and didn't invite anyone apart from godparents as wanted something smaller.

Gah - I hate family politics

DH's sisters wouldn't be upset if they weren't invited.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 15-Apr-14 10:25:57

Well I'm hard faced and would put my feelings and that of my dh before anyone else, the sisters sound like hard work who don't make your life easy or pleasant.

I'm going with No 2.

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 10:46:26

Ah - I want to, not sure I can stand the fall out. it will be bad enough when I don't ask them to be godparents!

Sunnydaysablazeinhope Tue 15-Apr-14 10:48:28

But they have a role in your children's life. An important life long role of Aunty.

God parent is not that role. If your doing it, please, get it right.

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 10:52:19

Please get what right Sunny. Being a godparent? That's exactly why we aren't asking them. We want Godparents with similar values who will encourage and support the DC.

CerealMom Tue 15-Apr-14 10:54:22

No. 3

Just you/DH/DCs and Godparents.

Fuss free

Sunnydaysablazeinhope Tue 15-Apr-14 10:58:39

Ok... Not clear in your op. Looked like you were conflicted about them not being gps.

Then my advice is explain that they are auntys not gps. Your answer is number two. They can come over for a visit after the event to see photos. Money means you cannot do a big event.

Have the event you want.

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 11:02:25

Oh sorry - no not conflicted, just don't want to hurt the feelings of one sister in particular.

Thanks for the posts. I know we should do what we want really. Just don't know if I am being bit mean by excluding them.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 15-Apr-14 11:20:49

They bring up history that you find upsetting.
They criticised your choice of christening cake. hmm
They'll be arsey if not asked to be Godparents.
They insensitive and pushy.


Don't be concerned about being mean, do what's right for you and yours

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 15-Apr-14 11:21:11


nannynewo Tue 15-Apr-14 11:21:24

I may be in the minority saying this but I am going to have to say number 1. I completely understand your reasoning not to invite them, but I think in the long run, you are better off inviting them rather than hurting them as you may cause arguments and end up hurting yourself.
Families can be a pain at time, I know! But I know I would be upset if I wasn't invited to my own neice/ nephew's christening, it just wouldn't seem right.

nannynewo Tue 15-Apr-14 11:25:40

Actually I don't know now. I am quite torn after reading back your op! I was talking more from my own family, where it would be wrong not to invite! But seeing how you describe your family I would say maybe not! I suppose I would still go for number 1 for an easy life, but then again 2 is what they maybe deserve?
I wouldn't lie to them about it though and say you didn't have one, because if they found out in the end then it would cause more problems than if you just tell them.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 15-Apr-14 11:28:58

Absolutely don't lie, lies always come back to bite on the arse.

Be assertive and stand up for what you want, if you want a quiet ceremony then a nice meal at a restaurant then choose that, your memories will be so much happier.

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 11:30:10

The difficulty is sometimes I am treated like family - sometimes not! DH is infuriated by them.. but very polite.
I would say the sister I am not close to is quite narcissistic and the other sister tries keep the peace, I am close to her but not when they are together, I'm quite the outsider then!

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 11:33:58

Yes think you are right about not lying.
There is so much history (the narc sister initially said she wasn't coming to my wedding as I pulled her up when she was rude to me, she eventually texted 4 weeks before to say she would come!).
She had a register office wedding and neither of us was invited (which really upset her sister).
TBH I would not have contact with her if I wasn't close to the other sister. It's mainly narc sister that I don't want there.

We sound like a soap don't we? smile

SlimJiminy Tue 15-Apr-14 11:41:12

Have what you want. Don't lie/sneak around. Just explain that you want something more manageable and you'll only be inviting PILs and godparents. Put yourselves first. If they want a massive bells and whistles christening they can have one for their own kids.

Nanny0gg Tue 15-Apr-14 11:57:24

If there's any fall out, remind her that you weren't invited to her wedding, which is normally a much bigger deal.

And point out to the 'nicer' one that she is 'aunty' which is an important job in itself.

longtallsally2 Tue 15-Apr-14 12:02:43

No 4 would be fine if your aim is for a Christian christening rather than a family social event. The Godparents and congregation as part of the service agree to support the child in their upbringing which is lovely if you are planning on bringing your children up as part of that community.

If you want a social event for your family to celebrate the arrival of your child, then it makes sense to have a bigger event, but go for whatever suits you.

BeyondTheSea Tue 15-Apr-14 12:08:48

Actually we are having the christening as part of the family service. The vicar suggested this as we attend the family service anyway (and he I think he likes this for the reasons you stated).

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