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To think I have to say something about my rape now?

(54 Posts)
extremepie Sun 13-Apr-14 21:54:03

To cut a long story short I was raped a few months ago and decided not to report it, largely because a) the guy knew where I lived b) I didn't feel it would lead to a prosecution because it happened months ago now and c) because his daughter and my sons go to the same school :/

I recently moved to the same village he lives in and our kids still go to the same school so even though he now doesn't know exactly where I live it's still close enough that I still didn't want to say anything.

About 2 weeks ago I saw him on the bus and he tried to talk to me, he strongly hinted that he had figured out where I had moved too (it's a very small village) and kept saying things like 'what are the odds you'd move in just down the road from me' etc and hinting that he might try and come over. He also mentioned that he was moving away to a different area but I have seen him walking past my flat since then so I know he hasn't yet.

Have recently made a male friend who I was talking to the other night and told him about the whole thing, he lives in the same area the rapist guy used to live in so asked for his name - I told him and he says that he knows him and he actually tried to do the same thing he did to me to df's sister! The only reason he didn't manage it was because her boyfriend was there and got rid of him!

So I'm starting to reconsider if I should report him because:
He's hinted that not only has he figured out where I live but has hinted that he might 'pay me a visit'
If he has done this before then there is someone else who could back up my story despite lack of physical evidence
I'm feeling even more guilty about not saying anything before because he has a girlfriend who he got engaged to at Christmas and 2 young children and she obviously has no idea who she's agreed to marry sad

He is looking more and more like a dangerous predatory person rather than someone who took a random opportunity on one occasion IYSWIM, AIBU to think that I have to report him? He's tried it at least twice so it seems likely he won't stop :/

BrianTheMole Sun 13-Apr-14 21:55:23

I think you should report him.

BuzzardBird Sun 13-Apr-14 21:57:48


GuineaPigGaiters Sun 13-Apr-14 21:58:50

Extremepie. I can understand your fear of him finding you and 'coming to get you'. (I'm not saying he will, I'm saying that this is how I would feel about I to n your position and I assume this is how you feel too, sorry if I am wrong)
I think you DO need to report him...not just because he has tried more than once, but because you did nothing wrong and this man has rapped you, and you did not deserve that and you DO deserve justice.
I'm so sorry that you have had this experience. I hope you know that this was not your fault. This man is a bastard.

Forgettable Sun 13-Apr-14 21:59:19


I am so sorry x

GuineaPigGaiters Sun 13-Apr-14 21:59:24

Raped, sorry, typing after wine.

thebody Sun 13-Apr-14 21:59:35

I think you should report him
And get some help and protection.

What a bastard.

WitchWay Sun 13-Apr-14 22:00:04

Agree - report him

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 13-Apr-14 22:00:17

If you want to then do so, I would say you are very brave in reporting it.

I hope you are getting some support.

Even if there is not enough evidence to convict it will still be on record and it doesn't mean that the police do not believe you.

CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory Sun 13-Apr-14 22:01:11

I remember your previous thread, you should definitely report him. It sounds very likely that others will come forward and back you up flowers

RufusTheReindeer Sun 13-Apr-14 22:02:45

Report thanks

CoffeeTea103 Sun 13-Apr-14 22:05:15

Please report it. If he tries anything again you have it on record. thanks

LaurieFairyCake Sun 13-Apr-14 22:07:01

I'd look into the conviction rate first. What are the chances with no physical evidence of there being a conviction?

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

sillymillyb Sun 13-Apr-14 22:07:13

I think you should report it too, and I am so sorry you are going through this.

I was sexually abused for many years and actually what I struggled with most was the mind games he played with me. Comments where your rapist has hinted he knows where you live are toying with you, and make what he has done all the worse, because he is making it even more about power that he has over you.

I reported to the police several years after I was last attacked, and they were brilliant. I felt better for having taken back that control, and for acknowledging that I wasn't just going to accept it.

I hope you can find strength to talk to the the police, and I hope that you can get some real life support. Thinking of you x

extremepie Sun 13-Apr-14 22:08:24

That's the main thing I've been worried about guineapig, if he knows where I live now then if nothing comes of me reporting it (ie prosecution), then he will know it was me who reported him and he has already hinted he will try and come round, if I reported I'm almost certain he would :/

I don't have any friends or family around here so I have nowhere else to go sad

But at the same time I can't bear the thought that he might go unpunished for this, not just for what he did to me but what he tried to do to others and I feel so bad for his poor gf sad One of the 'reasons' he gave for raping me was because his gf wasn't putting out enough - because she had had his son a week earlier!! He gave her a fucking week after giving birth to get back to shagging and because she didn't he turned up at my fucking house thinking he's entitled to fuck me? FUCKING TWAT!! I want to use stronger language but don't want to offend anyone :D

LackaDAISYcal Sun 13-Apr-14 22:08:39

I can understand how you must feel, and hope that you have the courage to report your rape, but the main concern is, have you had some counselling or talked to anyone about your experience?

LackaDAISYcal Sun 13-Apr-14 22:10:40

Is your friend's sister prepared to come forward to? Or did she report it at the time? I think your case for reporting would be much stronger if it was more than just "your word" iyswim?

extremepie Sun 13-Apr-14 22:18:59

Not sure lack, I haven't actually met or spoken to her about the whole thing, just heard through df that it happened to her too, I would want to talk to her first before going and reporting if I did decide to smile

I actually saw him last week at the supermarket while I was waiting for a taxi home and for some reason I decided to try and take a picture of him? I couldn't in the end as I couldn't see his face but I think he saw me. He got into the taxi he was getting and then stuck his head out the window as if he was looking for someone and when I saw his face it was bright red. I think he's scared I will say something, I saw the look he had. He knows what he did was wrong :/

extremepie Sun 13-Apr-14 22:20:11

No I haven't really had any support, I told my sister and one friend a few months later but at first I didn't want to say anything to anyone so I haven't really talked about it at all sad

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Sun 13-Apr-14 22:20:41

I think if you feel strong enough to I would agree that getting it put on record is a good idea.
You can't change his behavior but what you can do is add your weight and support your self and others who may be affected by it.
He has done it in the past and if that lady goes to the police your statement will be there. If anyone has already been there and reported him you will have their supportive statement as well.

Good Luck and I wish you all the strength and courage you may need to proceed.
(I have never been to the police to report being raped as a child and have a constant sense of regret)

KoalaFace Sun 13-Apr-14 22:23:56

I'm so sorry. What a horrific time you've had.

Would you consider talking to a counsellor or attending a support group? In my area there is a Women's Centre that is a wonderful safe haven for women to meet and talk and get access to counselling if they want it. There may be something like that in your area.

If you have the strength, I'd say report. If only to start the process of getting him to stay the fuck away from you.

extremepie Sun 13-Apr-14 22:24:36

I'm sorry that you went through that never sad

I think a lot of the time they rely on people being scared/ashamed etc so they don't report sad

TooOldForGlitter Sun 13-Apr-14 22:34:22

I am really sorry for what you went through. Really sorry.

Please report this utter piece of filth.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 13-Apr-14 22:40:21

Will link a few things on my phone, so will do multiple links.

NoodleOodle Sun 13-Apr-14 22:40:33

If you want to talk to someone about your options, you can phone rape crisis freephone on 0808 802 9999, more info

Thinking of you x

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