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To ask about the etiquette for giving money as a wedding present?

(41 Posts)
bette06 Sun 13-Apr-14 11:44:21

I'm going to a wedding evening do in a couple of weeks. The bride and groom have said that they don't want any presents but, if people want to get them something, they can give money towards their honeymoon.


1) How much is appropriate? (Does it make any difference that I'm single? Obviously, my finances are half that of a two-income household but if I just give half of what the couples give would I look stingy?)

2) Is it normal just to put the cash in with the card or do people usually enclose a cheque?

BillyBanter Sun 13-Apr-14 11:48:38

I put 20 quid in a card. I'd already spent in outfits, travel and accommodation.

Just put what you can afford, or nothing.

Nocomet Sun 13-Apr-14 12:09:15

£30-£50- £100
Totally dependent on whether it's just an evening invite, a very DF or the cousin who was my flowergirl. (Makes you feel really old realising she's 27 not 7)

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat Sun 13-Apr-14 12:14:00

OP I would say £20-£30 would be appropriate, but obviously if you think that is too much, or would cause financial difficulties, perhaps don't give them anything - note that they say 'if'. If you want to give more, do so.

I am very much for the practical and sensible method of not buying unwanted stuff as it just wastes everyone's time and effort. But then I am one of those strange/different/odd people but my way makes perfect sense to me.

However, be prepared for a barrage of posts telling you that it is grabby rude and inappropriate to ask for money and what you should be doing is ignoring their request and buying them some towels of whatever that they have said they don't want or need.

WooWooOwl Sun 13-Apr-14 12:14:38

You don't need to worry about etiquette when giving cash after a request in a wedding invitation, the couple have already made it clear that etiquette is not high on their list of priorities.

Give what you can afford, you can never look stingy when you are giving a gift. £30 is more than enough, especially for a single. Just stick the cash in a nice card.

Phizzimum Sun 13-Apr-14 12:17:12

How much would you spend on them if you were buying a present? When I buy from a wedding list I have a budget in mind first then find something in that price range. So when I'm giving money I already have in mind how much I'll give. I've tended to use a cheque rather than cash - often cards are just left in a big pile at a wedding and I'd hate the money to get pinched, and also it can be hard to keep track of who has given what when you're opening lots of cards.

Phizzimum Sun 13-Apr-14 12:19:37

And i would agree with IlkelyMoor - when a friend of mine gets married I really want to give them something, and I'd rather give money that could be used than some random ornament/piece of kitchenware that will just gather dust in a cupboard.

roadwalker Sun 13-Apr-14 12:27:10

As a single person only going to the evening do I would give �10-�20

roadwalker Sun 13-Apr-14 12:28:08

why doesn't the � symbol work and how do you make it work?

Nocomet Sun 13-Apr-14 12:31:30

Roadwalker I guess you are on the ap?

It seems to have trouble with punctuation and symbols (MN HQ don't seem to care).

The mobile site works much better.

TheWhispersOfTheGods Sun 13-Apr-14 12:38:11

I prefer giving cash than cheque, especially as who's name do you put on the cheque? His, hers, both? Do they have a joint acct (we were forced to open a joint acct after our wedding as people gave cheques to Mr and Mrs DH or Whispers and Husband DH name. I've not changed my name but have to now have a bank account in a name I don't intend to use.

In terms of how much, I think 20-30 quid is plenty for a single evening guest.

MaryWestmacott Sun 13-Apr-14 12:45:47

I'd say £20-30 in the card in cash.

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 13-Apr-14 13:26:06

I wouldnt worry about etiquette either given they are being truly rude by asking you to only part of the day and expecting you to pay an entrance fee which is what it amounts to.

I'd just take a bottle of nice wine and ignore the request.

HollyBrrr Sun 13-Apr-14 13:28:20

If you're just going to the evening bit I'd either give nothing or something minimal like £10-£20.

Birdsgottafly Sun 13-Apr-14 14:47:15

Surely it has been explained enough why some people are only invited to the evening do, for that not to make a difference in your giving?

Give what you would spend on a present (aka a waste of money unless you know they would want what you have bought).

And appreciate the time you have saved buying a gift and the hassle of wrapping and carrying it to the venue.

Don't give wine instead, that's just being a twat and not understanding that gift giving is for the benefit of the receiver, as a celebration, because we should like the people that we mix with, or steer clear.

PisforPeter Sun 13-Apr-14 14:50:42

It's vulgar to ask for money IMHO

Edenprime Sun 13-Apr-14 20:39:36

I think it's fine to ask for money. When everyone asked what we wanted we said if they wanted to give us something then money or vouchers because we had had just bought a house and already had everything else.

We never asked the people who came to the evening to buy us anything (but we never actually asked any one to get us presents though) but a few people did anyway.

I don't think you need to worry about it. I'd say between £10 - £20 is fine. I don't think it'll matter if it's cash or cheque... you wont look stingy regardless of what you give them smile . They've invited you because they want you there, not because of money xD

bette06 Sun 13-Apr-14 22:24:30

Thanks for the responses.

ForFcuksSake Sun 13-Apr-14 22:26:08

Where are they going on honeymoon?

I have bought currency before rather than cash, it seems a bit more thoughtful and will be just as well received.

libertytrainers Sun 13-Apr-14 22:29:08

vulgar? lol

it's old fashioned to give a list though isn't it. sort of 1950 ish

give what you can afford, i see nothing wrong in wanting money towards honeymoon myself

RuthlessBaggage Sun 13-Apr-14 22:32:36

Amount up to you. £20-50 for friend, maybe more for family.

SIL told me today about a conversation she had with her father, in which he revealed that he had helpfully translated her "no gifts" invitation for family as "ooh they don't actually mean no gifts... get them vouchers for <specific shop>" when actually they do mean no gifts, and they don't go to that shop anyway so it would take them a decade to use any up. She is morto.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 14-Apr-14 00:22:40

Really don't see the diff between giving cash - vouchers or something of the list

I still spend the same amount

Tbh prefer giving cash as easier - same for kids pressies for birthdays

Prefer to give some cash and they buy something bigger with other cash rather then me buy a small cheap pressie that they might not like

SapphireMoon Mon 14-Apr-14 10:21:04

Something minimal if evening do. Nothing would be fine I'm sure. I would do token present or 20 quid.

Callani Mon 14-Apr-14 11:08:03

Are they from a particular culture OP? I have Italian family and it's traditional to give money there. That might change what's seen as an acceptable amount to give (for Italians anything short of £50 is tight apparently!) but otherwise I'd say £20 - £30 is more than reasonable.

I also second the PP who said write them a cheque.

ApocalypseNowt Mon 14-Apr-14 11:11:35

Personally if i were just going to the evening do I'd probably just buy them a nice bottle of fizz.

If it were the whole day £20-£30 and a bottle. I don't like to give just money. I think it's nicer to get a little something as well (and they won't know exactly how much you spent then!)

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