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Ungracious reference in civil partnership speech?

(30 Posts)
Burren Sat 12-Apr-14 14:46:45

Not so much an AIBU as a 'would you find this ungracious or out of place?'

I was at a civil partnership ceremony in my home country last week - the couple are entirely lovely, and have always been my ideal 'married' couple in terms of their obvious longterm happiness together for many years.

The ceremony was gorgeous, and the speeches were funny and emotional, but I was a bit taken aback when the father of one of the women said, in his speech, how fond he and his wife had become of their daughter's partner 'despite how difficult we found it to accept her in the beginning'.

It was said completely seriously, not as a joke - I had never met him before, as he lives abroad, but it was obvious he was shy, a man of few words, and was reading a prepared speech, so it wasn't an off the cuff remark or a slip. X (his new DiL) showed no sign of being upset, but her mother leapt up and gave an impromptu speech about how delighted she was to welcome X's partner to the family and how happy it made her to see her daughter so happy.

Am I being over-sensitive here, or is more than a bit tactless/unthinking /plain odd to rake up your own problems with your daughter's sexuality from 15 years ago on her wedding day? (Y had had no previous serious long term girlfriends and came out to her parents by introducing them to Y as her girlfriend.)

It was the first civil partnership I'd actually attended, so I gave no idea whether references to parental difficulties with their children coming out are a regular part of the speeches, but unless obviously meant as a joke, I can't imagine the father of the bride or groom saying he'd had difficulty accepting his child's choice of partner...?

Logg1e Sat 12-Apr-14 16:09:36

I'm with you OP. Sexuality or otherwise, it sounds an odd comment to make. I would presume he meant what someone else has said, "...and how wrong I was".

AuroraRoared Sat 12-Apr-14 16:21:08

YANBU - at the very least I think a wedding speech is not the time or place to air dirty laundry.

I would wonder if it was related to their sexuality and feel sad for the couple marrying.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 12-Apr-14 16:23:13

It sounds sweet and sincere to me- eg "I was a prejudiced git but I've learnt."

I've heard a few speeches which begin 'I didn't like him/her at first'
Maybe it would have been worse to ignore it or to lie 'we welcomed her into our family"

wobblyweebles Sat 12-Apr-14 16:48:35

I went to a civil partnership ceremony and congratulated the father of one of the brides.

He said 'Well obviously we'd be happier if she was marrying a man.'

Now that's ungracious...

wowfudge Sat 12-Apr-14 17:07:31

Indeed wobbly - that's awful.

OP sounds as though it was heartfelt and actually very touching of him to admit his initial prejudice. That neither the daughter or her partner was bothered speaks volumes. YABU.

A good friend of mine got married and her DH had three friends splitting best man duties between them. Not one of the three mentioned the bride at all in their speeches. It was all about them and the groom. I thought that was disgraceful of them. My friend didn't seem to notice so I've never mentioned it.

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