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To not want to be the minority where I live?

(735 Posts)
Charlottehines Sat 12-Apr-14 09:18:10

It really saddens me that in parks and soft plays with my children, that I am in the minority and my children can't play with other children there as they all play together and obviously can't speak English.
I'm in no way racist, my husband is of mixed origin but I do find it incredibly sad that my children are growing up the minority especially when these other groups make no effort to integrate with other mums or the children.
Am I completely unreasonable to feel sad about this?

AndHarry Sat 12-Apr-14 09:19:36

IME children will play with other children whether they share a language and culture or not.

Coldlightofday Sat 12-Apr-14 09:21:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelos02 Sat 12-Apr-14 09:21:45


Charlottehines Sat 12-Apr-14 09:22:08

Well I wish that was the case as they certainly don't play with mine or any English children apart from hitting them occasionally sad

formerbabe Sat 12-Apr-14 09:22:23

Where do you live? I have lived in very mixed areas before and not encountered this problem.
I do find people of different nationalities tend to stick together quite a lot. I don't see a great deal of integretation amongst adults but children are much more open.

angelos02 Sat 12-Apr-14 09:24:29

If the parents aren't making every effort to teach their children English, they clearly aren't bothered about integrating. If they themselves can't speak English, how on earth are they able to work In the UK?

Charlottehines Sat 12-Apr-14 09:25:22

Sutton in Surrey
I'm seriously considering moving before they start school but I have no idea where won't have this problem as even down by the coast where my parents live its the same now

adsy Sat 12-Apr-14 09:25:41

If they themselves can't speak English, how on earth are they able to work In the UK?
herein lies the myth that all immigrants come here to work!

LingDiLong Sat 12-Apr-14 09:27:13

That does sound a very unusual situation. I've lived in various parts of the UK and never encountered anything like it. I'm very surprised you 'have no idea where won't have this problem'. I'd say the majority of the UK won't have this particular problem.

Charlottehines Sat 12-Apr-14 09:27:43

The ones I'm seeing obviously aren't at work as its midweek in the daytime ( I'm a stay at home mum )
I find it very difficult to deal with at times as when they hit other children / mine and I've had to address the mother I'm usually told to fuck off, they're kids let them get on with it, boys will be boys etc and no discipline whatsoever.

LingDiLong Sat 12-Apr-14 09:30:00

So they do speak English then?

formerbabe Sat 12-Apr-14 09:30:51

Op...I really don't understand your last post.

If it helps, a Polish child hit my son in the park, and his mum was very apologetic, told him off and now says hello to me when I see her around the area...and the boys played happily together.

angelos02 Sat 12-Apr-14 09:31:58

easy if they aren't in the UK to work, why are we allowing this to happen? I know there is talk of the government restricting access to benefits for a period of time when immigrants arrive in the UK. Good. Make it at least three years.

angelos02 Sat 12-Apr-14 09:33:48

That was for edsy. Damon autocorrect

softlysoftly Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:09

Which is it? They can't speak English or they have a good enough grasp to know the old adage "Boys will be Boys"


Artandco Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:13

Strange.all nationality kids seems to play here ( central London).

LingDiLong Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:28

The OP wasn't working either. She is a SAHP. Presumably the other people in the park are SAHPs too. Perhaps their partners are working.

Charlottehines Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:30

Well some do although not very good English
Others don't seem to at all and I very rarely hear any of the children speaking English
In glad the mum you encountered was apologetic, the ones I've encountered have been rude, aggressive and don't seem to think their child beating up mine / anyone else's is a problem

MissDuke Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:35

Hmm seems a bit odd, they cannot speak English but can swear in English? And all of these children hit your children, and there's no one else for your kids to play with at all? Are you sure you are actually in the UK? Because this sounds like nowhere that I have ever been :-/

By the way, cliques happen everywhere, it has nothing to do with language or culture.

wigglesrock Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:47

I'm confused - do the parents speak English or not? Strangely in my experience kids play with kids regardless of language.

usualsuspectt Sat 12-Apr-14 09:35:51

My children have never had this problem.

I live in inner city Leicester, You can't get more a culturally diverse than that.

Sheldonswhiteboard Sat 12-Apr-14 09:37:39

If they are EU citizens you can't restrict benefits as they should be entitled to the same as UK citizens as far as I know. How do you know their partners aren't working, maybe they are SAHP - like you?

MrsBungle Sat 12-Apr-14 09:37:57

My dd was playing with a little girl in the park yesterday for about an hour. The little girl didn't speak English and yet they played happily using hand gestures and body language. It was fascinating to watch as they both just spoke to each other normally in their own language. Dd (age 4) didn't even mention to me that she couldn't understand what the girl was saying and they knew each other's names!

It seems to be the adults with issues, not the children.

Mimishimi Sat 12-Apr-14 09:38:16

YANBU in some respects OP. I live in a neighbourhood that over the past few years has come to be completely dominated by migrants from South Asia. I wouldn't call it a diverse neighbourhood actually. We've noticed over the last few years that the most recent batch of migrants (<5 years) are far more hostile to me and my mixed children (DH is an earlier migrant from the same community) than earlier ones. Their English also seems to be a lot worse so either they are coming in on family visas or the IELTS standards have relaxed quite a bit - maybe a bit of both.Even if they are friendly and I can think of only a handful, sometimes I feel a bit lonely because the conversation never progresses much with my limited Hindi (it's not DH's native language and not for many of them either) and their limited English.

That said, even though DS looks European (Italian or Greek), he's never really had any trouble making friends even if their English is not that great. Like with any community, you get great kids and the rotten ones. So I'd be quite wary of tarring them all with the brush just because of their language ability - DS has made some lovely friends who English comes along just fine when they start school. It is possible to get jobs within your own community without the need for English. My SiL's nonna has lived here for fifty years and still refuses to speak it (although we've cottoned on that she understands far more than she claims to) grin.

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