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aibu or is he ... child support and benefits .

(131 Posts)
mummywithsmiles Fri 11-Apr-14 18:05:30

My daughter is 14 weeks old , just got discharged 3 days ago from hospital for the first time.

anyway her dad and i broke up, well he left when she was 2 weeks old in intensive care.

he is refusing to pay child support until i get a job. He earns toughly 2 k a month works full time .

he says he will not pay until im off benefits as its not fair he works his ass off whilst i get to sit on my ass whilst the government pays me too ..and then hr has to lose his wage to pay me too. I get just under 800 a month for daughter but i still think he should pay towards her whether i work or not.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 11-Apr-14 18:07:28

Contact the Child Maintenance Service. He doesn't get to dictate terms on supporting his child.

TallyGrenshall Fri 11-Apr-14 18:07:58

Go to the CSA, he doesn't get to decide if/when he pays for his child

MrsTonsofbloodykids Fri 11-Apr-14 18:09:05


He's an arse hole. Your income isn't relevant his is.

LIZS Fri 11-Apr-14 18:09:21

He doesn't actually have a choice. Where does the £800 come from ? Are you on Maternity leave and pay ?

mummywithsmiles Fri 11-Apr-14 18:11:00

The only problem is he is out of CSA catchment.

I don't want much I tried to settle for 20 pound a week.
if i waited until i was in work he wouldn't be paying for 5 years which is not fair in my eyes.

mummywithsmiles Fri 11-Apr-14 18:12:06

Lizs that's

income support
child benefit
child tax credits
and dla

think its more like 750

LIZS Fri 11-Apr-14 18:13:14

The only problem is he is out of CSA catchment. How ?

Is your dd ok now ? unfortunately many mums don't have any choice but to return to work before their child is 5.

mummywithsmiles Fri 11-Apr-14 18:16:05

He left England , i have an appointment next week with an advisor .

if i could go back to work before she was 5 i would but childcare for her would make it near impossible xx

StealthPolarBear Fri 11-Apr-14 18:18:24

Congratulations on your little baby girl.
No actual advice other than he is a shit - but sounds like you know this.
have you got plenty of support around you?
Hope you're OK.

LIZS Fri 11-Apr-14 18:18:42

but bear in mind you would get early years education funding from aged 2 so that may help your childcare costs at least. Is her health issue resolved or longer term ?

FloozeyLoozey Fri 11-Apr-14 18:18:52

Yes you should work but he should pay maintenance regardless. Why didn't you have a job when you got pregnant?

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 11-Apr-14 18:21:21

Both parents should support the child they brought into this world. If you were working and he chose not to presumably you would be happy? I doubt it.

He will have to pay though as the current system doesnt do anything about resident parents not paying.

MrsKoala Fri 11-Apr-14 18:21:54

Floozey - But surely mat leave is up to a year anyway. So even if OP did work, should she go back when she has a 14wk old just so the father will support his child?

Sorry OP, it sounds shit, I have no advice, he sounds like a twat.

expatinscotland Fri 11-Apr-14 18:22:06

He still has to pay if he is in Wales or Scotland.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 11-Apr-14 18:24:05

Hahahaha good one. him I mean. I've heard that line a few times from what other people have said their ex has said to them and it still shocks me a little that absent parents think that's how it works and that they get to decide the terms and conditions of supporting their offspring. cheeky shit.

nocheeseinhouse Fri 11-Apr-14 18:25:36

There are reciprocal agreements, you need proper advice from those in the know- a good family solicitor.

Is your baby now well? If she's well, then you may have to go back to work sooner than you planned, child support or no child support.

mummywithsmiles Fri 11-Apr-14 18:26:36

Yes i did work but left my job to move back to London when my daughters health issues were picked up at the 28 week scan for the best treatment.

TattyDevine Fri 11-Apr-14 18:26:40

Where is he then OP? Presumably not in the UK?

TattyDevine Fri 11-Apr-14 18:26:51

He's a bellend BTW

Topseyt Fri 11-Apr-14 18:27:39

The OP talks about being in receipt of DLA, so may have a medical reason for not working before becoming pregnant. There can be many reasons why someone is either working or not. We should not judge without facts.

Also, the 14 week old baby has only just been allowed home from hospital, if I have read things correctly.

I would still register the case with the CSA regardless of whether the baby's father is now living abroad. See what they come up with, or they may be able to get him when he comes back.

To be honest, he sounds like a total arsewipe.

kappadelta Fri 11-Apr-14 18:28:10

Is the DLA for you or your child OP? Either way taking this into account and the fact that your LO is still very young then he has no place telling you that you need to work.
Anyone who does tell you you need to work without taking this into account should go and swallow their own head.

nocheeseinhouse Fri 11-Apr-14 18:28:18

StealthPolarBear Fri 11-Apr-14 18:29:13

The OP's daughter is 14 weeks and is coming home for the first time. Work should be the furthest thing on the OP's mind.

kappadelta Fri 11-Apr-14 18:29:34

Sorry cross post OP

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