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DH just not getting it?!

(5 Posts)
cupoftea91 Sun 06-Apr-14 01:41:25

Hello, longtime lurker, only just joined.

Don't know if this is more than a rant than an AIBU, and sorry for the many spelling and grammatical errors. Bloody phones.

Me and my dh have been trying to concieve baby number 2 for 15 months now. Its just not working and if it does work, it certainly doesn't last very long.
I'm all honestly this is tearing us apart. We already have several issues with our in laws, which although cause tension, he does try to sort.

He is just so unsympathetic, he doesn't seem to understand how soul destroying it is. All he says is how blessed we are to DD she isnt enough - this makes me want to scream of course she is When he says things like that he just makes me feel selfish and guilty. I know it is, I am so lucky to have dd, but I can't quench this longing for a baby. My best friend has also just found out she is pregnant with her 3rd, I am so happy for you but I don't know how I am going to sit and watch her pregnancy grow.
I cried my eyes out to him, and all he did was give me a cuddle, say we will get there eventually, and then fall asleep.
I feel like he doesn't even want this anymore (he still claims he does, but doesn't know how to deal with it himself, let alone with me)

Am I just being a baby?

blahblahblah2014 Sun 06-Apr-14 01:52:16

sorry to hear you have been through this ordeal, of course it's a big deal and you are perfectly right to be distressed

Your DH is probably trying to be your rock, the strong one - I'm sure he feels deeply about everything but is keeping strong for you. I suspect he mentions DD to you to make you remember that you and him are already blessed, to cheer you up, not to dismiss current situation.

You WILL get there, que sera sera x

ILaughWhenPeopleFallOver Sun 06-Apr-14 01:52:42

No you're not being a baby. Can you go to doc and get some tests done?

cupoftea91 Sun 06-Apr-14 02:00:45

Have been and got tested. At the moment trying to loose weight so I can start Clomid, but have been left with scaring from, miscarraiges and had a c section with my daughter, think its just cause its late and has been going on so long, just feel so down about it tonight x

AgentZigzag Sun 06-Apr-14 02:23:26

Even though it took 7 years ttc for DD2 to decide to put in an appearance it always felt like we were a three legged table.

It wasn't that DD1 wasn't enough for us or that we didn't love her (I was actually worried I wouldn't love DD2 as much as I did DD1), it just felt like DD2 was missing.

It's hard to explain because the feeling that another baby 'should' be there is easy to brush off because it's 'just' a feeling, but that doesn't make it any less real.

To tell you the truth, your DH sounded really caring and lovely in the way he dealt with it, especially if he doesn't get it. He didn't have a go at you or brush you off or anything. But it obviously wasn't what you were expecting, what would you have preferred him to do?

Is there any reason not to believe him when he says he still wants another baby? If he doesn't lie as a rule then take him at his word, would he really go through with it if he wasn't planning on staying the distance?

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