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AIBU?

To really hate all the contradicting advice on how to get my baby to sleep!

38 replies

Chocoholism · 05/04/2014 18:57

I'm beyond tired as my 4 month old has regressed and wakes every 3-4 hrs, and wakes early for day too when she used to go 7-7 with a dream feed at 11.
Everything I read days routine for bed and put them down drowsy but awake and then leave room or sit quiet til they fall asleep.
Firstly, I'm told that guidelines suggest not to leave her to sleep on her own til 6 months. So she sleeps first part of night in travel cot in living room. Usually she has bottle and drifts off or I rock her and put her in cot after a while and then watch tv quietly but then she wakes!!! I don't think she can self settle maybe. Or is it teething, or is it just a phase. Too much information has driven me up the wall!
Rant done :)

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Chocoholism · 05/04/2014 19:01

Plus all I read about sleep regression says it can go on for months! Again I wish I didn't read that

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Sirzy · 05/04/2014 19:03

Problem is it is very much trial and error and what works for you and your baby which is why it seems there is contradictory advice.

DS was in his own room before 6 months wasn't ideal or what I would have picked but it's what worked for us at that point.

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treaclesoda · 05/04/2014 19:03

Follow your own instincts, there are no rule despite what the books say

Hope things get better soon. Sleep deprivation is hideous.

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Coldlightofday · 05/04/2014 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rootypig · 05/04/2014 19:08

It was the 7 - 7 that was unusual, not the 4 hourly waking. Sorry!

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Bankholidaybaby · 05/04/2014 19:10

That sounds a lot like what I did. Until something like 18weeks (I forget exactly), I had him in his basket in whatever room I was in, so if I was watching a film in the living room, that's where he slept, having been cuddled to sleep. At around 18 weeks, he stopped waking for his 2/3 am feed, and within weeks he'd dropped the earlier night feed, too. I started putting him to sleep in his cot at about 9/10pm, then I would go to the living room and watch a film with the baby monitor, then I'd go and sleep in his room. By about 28/29 weeks, he clearly wanted to be asleep by 7.30, so I went with that, and now he sleeps about 11 and 3/4 hours in his own room every night barring the odd disruption for teething or illness. He is cuddled to sleep every single night. This has had no impact on his ability to sleep through the night. He'll fall asleep in his pram during the day, so I know he can do it, but it suits me, and no doubt him, to sing and rock and kiss him to sleep at night.

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Bulldozers · 05/04/2014 19:11

I'd be over the moon if my 15 month old only woke every 3-4hours.

Sorry that doesn't help.

One thing that helped me was realising and accepting that it normal for babies to wake during the night. Some don't, but they tend to be the exception.

4 month sleep regression sucks, it does get easier.

The Kelly mom website has a good section on normal night awakenings.

Good luck.

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Bankholidaybaby · 05/04/2014 19:12

Oh, and he definitely has sleep regressions. They last about a week ime.

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Bulldozers · 05/04/2014 19:13

And also on the 4month sleep regression.

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Noseypoke · 05/04/2014 19:18

I thought I had it cracked with DS. Tried the same things with DD and she was not having any of it!! All babies are different. There's no one size fits all method. It's trial and error.

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RedPencilPot · 05/04/2014 19:20

I honestly think much to do sleeping is just down to luck, it's nothing you really of or don't do!

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HolidayCriminal · 05/04/2014 19:31

I hate all the contradictory advice about parenting (full stop). Sleep is just start of it.

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ALittleFaith · 05/04/2014 19:44

I have a refluxy, high needs baby. I read and read so much advice that I completely lost the plot! The reason there's so much advice is because nothing works for all babies.

The 4 month sleep regression is a bitch. DD slept through from 10-6 from 6 weeks day time naps were crap but then it all fell apart. It does get better again though!

What worked for us - after her bath, going in to our room for the last feed of the evening (I was BF and she settled quicker if it was quiet). I'd put her down in our room and keep the angel care monitor on but go into the living room and we'd creep into bed (usually about 45 minutes later!). We did sleep training a six months which was tough but worth it but 4 months is too young to tackle that. If you're going to read anything, try The No Cry Sleep Solution. It has some great tips to improve sleep gently!

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bedraggledmumoftwo · 05/04/2014 19:47

Join the club, my four month old has just decided sleep is for wimps. Grrr. I actually think i am more exhausted now than when she was newborn as my body expects more sleep now!

no good advice from me though, i cuddle/feed/ swaddle and play white noise, but nothing can stop the four month regression it seems....

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Chocoholism · 05/04/2014 19:50

bedraggled I agree about lack of sleep affecting me more now then when she was newborn, I also think this is as when she was newborn I wasn't expected to do anything, get dressed, cook, clean, leave the house even!

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Whathaveiforgottentoday · 05/04/2014 19:51

problem is that different things work for different babies so you get contradictory advice because people like to pass on what worked for them. For example some babies love being swaddled and others hate it.

Follow what advice seems to make sense for you and your baby and ignore the rest.

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Nanny0gg · 05/04/2014 20:23

But all advice will be contradictory. Every baby is different so the advice cannot be the same, what works with one will not work with another.

That's the way it is!

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Namelessonsie · 05/04/2014 20:28

Yup babies are different. Nothing made dd1 sleep and even now at approaching 3 I'm happy if she only wakes every 3-4 hours.
Dd2 just needs her thumb to get to sleep and wakes every 2-3 hours but goes back to sleep so easily that I'm happy. Used to have to pace for at least 30 mins with dd1 at each wake up. Which meant I was then properly awake.

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DoJo · 05/04/2014 21:15

Ignore anything that anyone else says (apart from this of course! ) and do whatever works for you.

All sleep advice is really just suggestions of things that may have worked for other babies (and sometimes things that have just coincided with them getting better at sleeping on their own), so take whichever of them seem like a good idea and ignore any that don't.

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deakymom · 05/04/2014 21:23

mine did that i put him upstairs to sleep in the evening where it was quieter he slept again for about a week don't worry they leave home when they are 18 xx

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SantanaLopez · 05/04/2014 21:24

at don't worry they leave home when they are 18!!!!

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Chocoholism · 05/04/2014 21:41

Apparently they don't even do that anymore deaky recent news says they stay in the nest into the late 20's!

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mycatlikestwiglets · 05/04/2014 21:52

Blimey, be grateful you've had some full nights' sleep since she was born!

Seriously though, I'm coming to the conclusion that it's all crap: your child will sleep when they decide to do so and not before. My DS slept through from about 10-12 weeks and DD definitely does not so I don't think a particular way of parenting is the key at all!

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Woobeedoo · 05/04/2014 21:54

We had a fortnight of DS sleeping from 7:30pm til 6am, it was pure utter bliss and we did that smug parent thing.

We are now in the 4mth sleep regression (a little early, it started at 3.5mths). After having proper sleep its awful having to go back to a late night and an early morning feed. What makes it worse is that while DS will happily go back to sleep after a midnight feed, if his next feed is around 4am he simply refuses to go back to sleep and lays there doing this noisey double-leg mattress thump and squealing. Apparently the mattress thumping is another phase. Gah.

I am buying more concealer.

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Kafri · 05/04/2014 22:06

I now work in the idea that everything is a phase. The good and the bad
DS is 15m now and we still appear to have little consistency. Things improved massively after his first birthday but I still don't go to bed at night 'knowing' he'll sleep well iyswim.

He was in his own room from quite early on. Not by choice, but as it's what worked at the time.

4m sleep regression wasn't too bad probably cos at that point it couldn't get much worse

9m one was grim and lasted until he turned a corner at 1

BUT... Every single baby is different and every phase they go through is different but it is just that - a phase.

Find out what works for you - both from a sleep pov but also what you're comfortable with too and take it from there.
Enjoy the good times, ride out the not so good and gradually the ratio of good:bad will increase.