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To be offended when people ask when the baby is due...

(68 Posts)
Estrellita Sat 05-Apr-14 13:40:52

I often get asked this in queues by total strangers. Baby is 2.

I feel like my body will never be the same. I do 45 minutes high intensity cardio 5 times per week, plus 2 Pilates classes and 1 yoga class. Diet is kept to about 1500 calories daily, low carb, low fat and high protein. I don't have carbs at night and have stopped drinking alcohol.

Despite my best efforts I have only lost 5 pounds of 25. Gained 35 during the pregnancy, and lost a stone at birth. Weight gain was mostly due to inactivity caused by severe SPD. It took me most of baby's first year to rehab from that and be able to exercise again, and in that time I put on another 5 pounds.

If I diet constantly and make my life revolve around exercise I can maintain my weight, or sometimes lose a pound a month. But not every month. I am in my late 30s and this is a shock as i always lost weight easily when I was younger through diet and exercise. I don't have any thyroid or health problems, everything is fine.

I am certainly stronger, more flexible and in better shape than before my pregnancy, but I am a stone bigger and have a closet full of beautiful pre pregnancy clothes I can't fit into. Technically I am not overweight, but I am a size 14 when before pregnancy I was a 10.

Any advice? Please be kind, this is a sensitive issue for me and I don't post in AIBU much.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Apr-14 13:45:10

Could you swap the pilates and yoga for something more strenuous, like jogging or swimming for example?

sarahquilt Sat 05-Apr-14 13:46:56

I would tell them where to go in no uncertain terms. It's incredibly rude to assume someone is pregnant with no evidence. Dickheads. 14 isn't huge!

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Apr-14 13:52:23

To be fair, if the OP often gets asked this by strangers then it's probably more to do with shape than being 'huge'.

SaucyJack Sat 05-Apr-14 13:52:39

As far as your exercise routine goes I would suggest adding some weights to build up muscle. This will improve your shape (assuming you ascribe to convention ideas of what's attractive blah blah blah). Plus, resting muscle tissue burns more calories than fat.

LadyRabbit Sat 05-Apr-14 13:53:51

OP are you comfortable at your new weight and size or do you want to get back into your pre-pregnancy clothes? Our bodies are never quite the same again post baby, especially (if like me) you're a bit older when you get pg. I struggled for the first year post baby, and would look longingly at my old clothes. I tried acceptance/resignation but didn't feel like myself. And having always exercised loads I couldn't figure out why the weight wasn't shifting. I bit the bullet and changed it up. A combination of Jillian Michaels and Dukan/Rosemary Conley for a month and I did it. It took about two months to get back to my old size, but I have to watch what I eat now when I didn't before. It may take a small shock to the system and a fair bit of willpower but if you think you'll feel more like you again then give it a whirl.

Our bodies get so adapted to exercise regimes that unless you change it up regularly the weight just won't shift or creeps back. It's a bummer, and it took me a while to figure it out, but was worth doing.

Good luck.

bonzo77 Sat 05-Apr-14 13:56:38

If you still have a bump it might be that your abdominal muscles are badly separated. It might be worth going to the GP. Actually, I'd go to check you've not got a thyroid problem. This can start after / during a pregnancy and make it very hard to shift any weight.

SybilRamkin Sat 05-Apr-14 14:03:37

Maybe do a food/drink diary? If you're genuinely eating only that much and doing all that exercise you should be losing weight. Perhaps you're eating more than you think? Lots of people fall into that trap. Don't forget that milk, juice, cappucinos etc all have plenty of calories, as does alcohol.

Then take the food diary and the exercise record to your GP - if you're correct about your calorie intake then the GP should refer you for tests to see what's causing your slow metabolism.

SybilRamkin Sat 05-Apr-14 14:04:24

Oh, and YANBU about people asking when the baby is due - twunts. Ignore, or smile politely and tell them it was born 2 years ago and watch them turn beet-red with mortification.

Good luck!

SJBean Sat 05-Apr-14 14:08:46

People need to think before they speak! It's horrible when this happens. The only suggestion I have is slimming world - an amazing eating plan. It worked for me - combined with lots and lots of walking (but no actual official 'exercise') lost two stone four years after putting on four stone with my first pregnancy.

MrsMook Sat 05-Apr-14 14:10:30

I was going to suggest checking abdominal muscles too as they give a rounded pregnant shape. If they are separated, some exercises like crunches push the gap open. Others encourage it to close. Physio tends to be the first line of treatment.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Sat 05-Apr-14 14:14:55

It is very rude - I don't think people should dare to ask. Also - it could relate to you having a two year old and people expecting another one along shortly.

I would only suggest a couple of things; avoid any empire line clothes as they could make kate moss look pregnant and posture. Bum in, tummy in, shoulders back, stand tall. It makes a big difference.

Estrellita Sat 05-Apr-14 14:15:40

Thanks, have been checked for thyroid issues and separated abs, all fine. I forgot to mention that I also do strength training for about 20 minutes 3 times a week. And I swim at weekends. I am at the gym 2 hours a day most days. I need to keep the yoga and Pilates for my pelvic and lower back issues, they have really, really helped me. I don't think I'd be able to manage the cardio workouts otherwise.

My mother reckons I need to do a ketosis inducing diet like Atkins or Dukan, I have tried but it's difficult. All that meat makes me feel ill and I am allergic to eggs. I have cut bread, white rice, sugar and alcohol from my diet and have only small amounts of whole grains and never, never in the evening. I limit carbs to under 100g per day.

I am very toned and muscular underneath the belly and hip fat.

I have already put all my size 8 clothes on eBay as I am resigned to never being that small again, but I have some 10s and even small 12s I would love to wear. Lots of vintage, really irreplaceable stuff! My waist was 28" pre baby and it is 32" now.

Estrellita Sat 05-Apr-14 14:17:44

Also do food diary on my fitness pall (great app!) and keep calorie intake to about 1500 daily. In theory, I should be losing 1-2 pounds a week. Sadly no...

CoffeeTea103 Sat 05-Apr-14 14:18:07

I don't think it's rude, if you genuinely looked it to me why would I think you're not? So when does this 'don't ask' line apply? Because It seems a lot of people have a problem with it if not offered a seat on the tube.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Apr-14 14:19:43

Having read your subsequent posts

I'd go for a full medical if I were you confused

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Apr-14 14:24:42

45 minutes high intensity cardio 5 times per week

2 Pilates classes

1 Yoga class

20 minutes strength training 3 times per week

Swimming at weekends

1500 calories daily

No alcohol

No carbs at night

I have no idea why you're not losing weight if you say you've been medically checked over too confused

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Sat 05-Apr-14 14:25:40

I agree with Worra. Given your calorie intake and exercise regime there is no way you wouldn't be losing weight unless there is some underlying medical cause.

One pound of fat is equivalent to 3,500 calories. And at best you're eating 250-500 calories less than your body needs every day, that's not including the exercise you're doing.

So you should be losing a pound a week on average.

I'd suggest you're miscalculating your calorie intake somehow or there is a health issue you're unaware of.

gymboywalton Sat 05-Apr-14 14:28:33

i think you're not eating enough
your body has gone into starvation mode and is holding tight to every bit of fat you have

almondcake Sat 05-Apr-14 14:29:32

I would get further medical advice and see a dietician.

I think you need to try a completely different kind of diet, because the one you are following is not working.

Like the other poster, I do slimming world, but it is really just the government's healthy eating plan with group support. I think you'd be better off with an individual plan from a dietician.

splasheeny Sat 05-Apr-14 14:29:49

Yabu as I'm sure people don't mean to offend. Have you tried using a personal trainer?

almondcake Sat 05-Apr-14 14:30:28

I would get further medical advice and see a dietician.

I think you need to try a completely different kind of diet, because the one you are following is not working.

Like the other poster, I do slimming world, but it is really just the government's healthy eating plan with group support. I think you'd be better off with an individual plan from a dietician.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed Sat 05-Apr-14 14:31:39

Could you have an allergy/intolerance you are unaware of? It does sound like you should be losing weight as that is a lot of activity and a lowish calorie intake.

Regarding rude people, ignore, they are just fannies.

ProlificPenguin Sat 05-Apr-14 14:47:53

I would get a personal trainer, if you don't get results then ask for a referral by GP to a dietician. I know a lovely one in London.

Estrellita Sat 05-Apr-14 14:54:25

Yeah, its baffling to me as well. With all the numbers, I should be losing weight. I even invested in digital food scale and expensive heart rate monitor in case of miscalculation with portion size or exercise calories. I would live to have a personal trainer but I can barely afford the basic gym membership. I've had the full medical, so no underlying issues.

I am probably exaggerating about always being asked when baby is due, its probably only happened 5 times or so since DD was born. But happened yesterday. And upset me, though I didn't show it and the woman who asked was far from mortified.

Weight issues aside, I find it upsetting because I would love another and am very broody but i can't. We are living outside the UK in a country with high medical costs, no paid maternity leave, and crap medical insurance. If I were to have the same issues I had with my first pregnancy, I would be facing crazy levels of medical debt. And I would be unable to care for my toddler. So sadly, not in the cards...

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