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To leave DD (9 months) with DH and go away for a few days?

(46 Posts)
ArtFine Fri 04-Apr-14 12:24:47

DD is recovering from a cold and I've got the cold. She is understandably extremely miserable (lots of crying despite calpol/nurofen) and every time I sneeze she starts crying hmm

DD has been a very very fussy baby since birth and a very poor sleeper, up every hour at night since the past six months (have had the odd good night here and there).

DH has not done any nights and has not been supportive. He can come home earlier from work on the odd occasion but doesn't. I asked him for 2.5 hours per week for myself to catch up on sleep/rest, but has only delivered that a few times. Basically everyone and everything else takes priority than me. He knows ill carry on looking after DD.

I'm utterly exhausted, fed up and ill and tired. DH is off next week and I'm tempted to text him and let him know I'm leaving for a few days and he has DD to himself. She's currently ebf but desperately needs to get onto the bottle (which I've again asked his help for in the past but hasn't delivered much). She needs to go on the bottle due to allergies and as she is a very poor eater we can't do sleep training as we suspect she is actually hungry as night.

DD adores him and he is a good father. She is generally much happier with him.

So AIBU to just leave her with him and go? I know timing is a bit rubbish as she is recovering from a cold but she is over the worst of it (and plus isnt it time DH sees how it is to look after an ill baby all day on your own?).

So what do you think?

BlueberriesAndWine Fri 04-Apr-14 12:32:22

I would go. You need to make some time for yourself in order to rest and get your head together.

Everybody needs a break.

BlueberriesAndWine Fri 04-Apr-14 12:33:59

Sorry just reread the bit about ebf, I'm not sure what the best way of handling this is, hopefully someone with experience will post soon.

WhatsTheWordHummingbird Fri 04-Apr-14 12:34:22

"And he is a good father" ...... sounds it.

Go. And when you get back, get this sorted.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 04-Apr-14 13:03:07

Definitely go!!! I felt angry reading your post, some men's attitudes to child rearing is just abysmal. You deserve a break!!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Fri 04-Apr-14 13:07:31

YANBU, but Will he be a martyr/ bother you with 100 calls a day?

Whereisegg Fri 04-Apr-14 13:07:33

I wouldn't give him too much warning tbh.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Fri 04-Apr-14 13:08:08

Do it, why are u even asking? Can you stretch to a spa hotel?

Fakebook Fri 04-Apr-14 13:09:59

I'd go, but leaving him with an ebf baby is a bit scary. What if she doesn't drink from a bottle? I'd worry about that and it will cause undue stress for all 3 of you.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Fri 04-Apr-14 13:11:01


There are a multitude of reasons to JUST GO!!!

Spend this weekend trying to get her used to the bottle, with any luck she will take to it.

Then go; sleep, eat, chill, read a book, see friends, drink wine, get your head sorted.

Your DH will get to spend time with your DC, bond, and see just how bloody difficult it is! Maybe he will then cut you some slack and help out when you need it.

LittleMissGreen Fri 04-Apr-14 13:15:26

Having had a heart attack misreading your title that you and DH were going to go away and leave your DD for 9months, anything in comparison is completely reasonable grin.

Xalla Fri 04-Apr-14 13:31:30

Go. Don't give it another thought!

ArtFine Fri 04-Apr-14 14:00:03

Thanks everyone for your support. I am a bit worried about the milk as she is very fussy, but I don't think there's going to be another way except going cold turkey on BF.

mercibucket Fri 04-Apr-14 14:55:44

have you asked for advice on the bf board too? back in the day we used to say it was mostly milk not food that provided calories still at that age

anyhow, definitely book a day off for a rest!!

RedRoom Fri 04-Apr-14 15:04:59

Go. My god will he appreciate you when you get back!

BuntyCollocks Fri 04-Apr-14 15:10:26

Is no one else picking up on the red flag "She is generally much happier with him"?

OP, could you be depressed? Also, you can't leave a baby that currently doesn't take a bottle for three days if you're exclusively bf'ing. It won't magically make her take it. She may refuse it, and then you're up shit creek. She should be getting the majority of her calories from milk.

By all means go for a lovely spa day, or even one overnight, but I honestly, 100%, as a mum who has ebf two babies, one of whom had undiagnosed reflux and didn't sleep, literally, from 5 months until 11 months for more than 2 hours a night, would NOT be buggering off to a hotel for a few days and leaving her!

You need a break. I wholeheartedly sympathise, and understand, and agree. But I don't think this is a good idea.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 04-Apr-14 15:57:34

I wouldn't your boobs will be engorged and you'll be in agony.

Freeyourmind Fri 04-Apr-14 16:02:59

I agree with Bunty. You've described your DH as someone who just has not been involved in the first 9 months of your DD's life, by his own choice. He could come home earlier to help you, but chooses not to. If he isn't being supportive to you, then he isn't a good father. By all means, take some time for yourself while he is off but if you think that this is going to be a fix long term, then unfortunately I really don't think it is. I've been in your shoes, wanting an OH who sees the situation and wants to help his wife, but if he's not stepping up to the job voluntarily then longer term you have a far bigger problem.

I really do sympathise, you sound exhausted, physically and mentally.

SimplyRedHead Fri 04-Apr-14 16:10:34

I was ebf my 9 mo - also with allergies - and desperate to get her on a bottle. The only thing that got her to take one was leaving her with DH for 36 hours.

I got terrible mastitis though so make sure you take precautions to prevent that (google tips).

ApocalypseThen Fri 04-Apr-14 16:11:26

He's not actually a good father. Nor is he a good family member. He's not responsible enough to be left with a baby for that long. Any chance you could get away while your mum comes to supervise his childcare?

BirdieWhirlie Fri 04-Apr-14 16:15:13

You need a few days off - you desperately do - but to leave you need to have a baby who CAN be left, which means a baby your DH can feed. Can you move onto formula today?

And more than a fews days off, you need a DH who supports you, cares for you, understands what you're going through and does something about it.

So what happens if you do this: 2 weeks from now, you have a baby who takes formula. You leave for two or three nights to get some rest and take stock. Your DH will take the weekend and perhaps a day or two off work.

Any partner who refused you in this - well, I'd seriously consider whether I wanted to be in that relationship anymore.

ArtFine Fri 04-Apr-14 16:31:07

Thanks everyone.

How else am I supposed to stop BFing? I'm aware of mastitis and engorgement and will obviously take the appropriate steps.

I know there is a larger issue here, but I need to get rest and sleep before I have a conversation with DH, and I also need to get DD off BFing so that we can sleep train her and I can get more sleep.

I have tried giving her a beaker and bottle with formula but she refuses to drink from it. I don't think me being around is going to help.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Fri 04-Apr-14 16:37:13

do whatever you think and feel is right - only you can decide this. sending you thanks and cake

Hope you get some rest soon. Sleep deprivation is THE WORST.

Martorana Fri 04-Apr-14 16:37:56

I wouldn't make the baby have a miserable time to make a point, frankly. And surely (sorry if I'm wrong ) bf is more important for an allergy prone baby?

Martorana Fri 04-Apr-14 16:38:26

I wouldn't make the baby have a miserable time to make a point, frankly. And surely (sorry if I'm wrong ) bf is more important for an allergy prone baby?

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