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to be very angry ...

(37 Posts)
lemonstartree Fri 04-Apr-14 11:00:02

Would this upset you and what would you do?

I employed a 'housekeeper' about 6 weeks ago. She does 18 hours a week from 12 to 6 three days a week. - to clean, iron, etc To take care of the dog and be there for the kids when they get back from school , on the days that I am at work

so - I have some issues with her work, and she is very needy - lots of calls and text's to me at work about things that could either wait or I don't really need to know about, BUT nothing awful

However, yesterday evening DS2 (11) says to me "X thinks you all really mean to DS1 (15) and don't treat him right" ; DS3 (9) chimes in " She thinks DH doesn't treat the dog properly and is cruel to her putting her in the crate"

NOW .... DS1. Yes at times the atmosphere is awful - but she obviously has NO idea what is going on. DS1 is stealing, lying and is in trouble for shoplifting, and in BIG trouble at school this week. I did tell her DS1 had some issues (so she could keep an eye on her handbag) but not about all the other things (and there is more, much more that I haven't put on here - involvement with drugs etc) . My issue is not that she thinks I am mean to DS1, but that she tells my eleven year old son that.....

and the dog ? That dog is pampered and adored. We do use a crate. And we do put her in there when she bites. Its part of a strategy we have been taught at puppy training and is not cruel. Again, if she thinks DH is cruel, discuss it with US not with a 9 year old.

I am steaming. Am I being unreasonable, and WWYD

Yambabe Fri 04-Apr-14 11:02:34

sack her, you don't need a stirrer like this in your life.

rabbitlady Fri 04-Apr-14 11:02:49

finish her and get another. she's never going to understand boundaries.

Ploppy16 Fri 04-Apr-14 11:04:04

Get rid. She's not just overstepping boundaries she's blasted straight through them!

Littledidsheknow Fri 04-Apr-14 11:06:13

WWID? I'd get rid of her, lemon. If she's talking like that to your children (which is bad enough), she'll be saying similar things to other people too.
I have a problem teenager too and don't think I'd be able to tolerate comments like those; it's such a heartbreaking and worrying situation. Get rid of her. In short YANBU

MoominIsEightNinthsManatee Fri 04-Apr-14 11:12:12

"finish her"

Seems a bit OTT, I'd just let her go...

Cluffyflump Fri 04-Apr-14 11:16:10

Lol @ 'finish her'!
I'm seeing the op as a masked, Mexican wrestler!

I would give her notice. You don't need all that.

Doshusallie Fri 04-Apr-14 11:21:18

At the very least she is being extremely unprofessional.

ChelworthBrond Fri 04-Apr-14 11:21:37

Get rid of her sharpish!

Beastofburden Fri 04-Apr-14 11:30:50

It sounds as if she is someone who is trying to be part of the family, as it were, rather than a professional. Is she a highly paid professional, or is she just an ordinary woman who is doing this for the first time?

She may not realise she has overstepped the boundaries. I think it would be reasonable to sit down with her and discuss how things are going after these first six weeks. She may want to talk about all the "needy" stuff where you feel she can take responsbility herself for resolving issues, and she is still checking with you every time; and you may want to talk about the areas which are your territory and off-limits to her, which include welfare of animals and children.

Being angry is not really the point. It's about briefing her.

lemonstartree Fri 04-Apr-14 11:46:00

she is a middle aged woman who has done this job before. The needy stuff I can cope with, being judged annoys me but I can accept it - we are having a very very stressful time with DS1 and I am sure we are not perfect - but I don't think i can accept her slagging me off to the other children ... The more I think about it the more upset I am. My own mother wouldn't do that, nor anyone else in the family who is involved. She has known us for SIX weeks.

she has to go

I think it will be hard as I know she needs the job, but I don't trust her any more

Bloodyholly Fri 04-Apr-14 11:50:43

Has she said this directly to your DC or has he overheard her talking on the phone or something? Not that either are a forgivable.

lemonstartree Fri 04-Apr-14 11:54:42

directly to the DC.

And; 'X (DH) really doesn't like me because I broke a picture' ... which is a) not true and b) forces the kids to defend DH's behaviour. He was pissed off with her when she knocked a picture off the wall and smashed it. but not VERY pissed off and only for that one day

all wrong....

jeee Fri 04-Apr-14 12:02:34

Look, the work relationship (and that's the only relationship you have with her, right?) has obviously completely broken down, so just end it.

Be polite, but clear - and I think she does need/deserve an explanation of why you no longer wish her to work for you.

Viviennemary Fri 04-Apr-14 12:09:45

She is supposed to be making your life easier not more difficult. I'd just say it's not working out and then look for somebody else.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Fri 04-Apr-14 12:17:39

I would have a chat to her rather than taking child's word as verbatim.

ENormaSnob Fri 04-Apr-14 12:23:23

Shes gotta go...

StampyIsMyBoyfriend Fri 04-Apr-14 12:23:52

Sack her. For the annoying calls & texts alone.

It's all a bit 'hand that rocks the cradle' for me.

WooWooOwl Fri 04-Apr-14 12:34:02

I agree with the others, sack her.

She's supposed to be supportive of your family, not a critical shit stirrer. She is unprofessional and not doing her job properly, so she needs to go.

LadyRabbit Fri 04-Apr-14 12:41:46

I would talk to her first, see how she responds and explain your concerns. Don't just sack her, give her a chance. In most other jobs you get a probation period - why not say a fortnight and then if things don't improve you can ask her to leave. If you have a good chat with her you may find you get an ally as well as a member of staff.

It's a tricky one with people who work in one's home. Yes, you need boundaries, but sometimes it's important to allow the boundary to blur within reason.

Try that before you go in all guns blazing and then have to go through the process of finding someone all over again.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend Fri 04-Apr-14 12:53:15

Speaking to her, runs the risk of her quietly seething & potentially getting her own back. She could be invading your privacy, sabotaging things or contaminating food for instance if she had the hump.

Comeatmefam Fri 04-Apr-14 12:57:00

I think you've got bigger problems than a gossipy housekeeper by the sounds of things.

Gruntfuttock Fri 04-Apr-14 12:57:41

Terminate her.

By which I mean - introduce her to him

ProlificPenguin Fri 04-Apr-14 13:01:44

I agree with the get rid comments, a quiet word won't stop her talking to other people or interfering. Get another housekeeper first though, see if you can get one recommended by a friend?

I love the idea of her hours and role though, I might do the same when my lo's start school. Great idea and hopefully I won't get her!!

ProlificPenguin Fri 04-Apr-14 13:03:12

A very odd post, I think the OP realises that herself, this however is about the housekeeper.

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