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to find uninvited comments about weight rude?

(57 Posts)
TheAwfulDaughter Fri 04-Apr-14 01:06:51

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

drspouse Sat 05-Apr-14 11:50:58

My DH has diabetes and before it was diagnosed (as a young adult - he has type 1) and now, if he's been ill with something else that has caused his blood sugar to rise for a while, he can lose quite a lot of weight through being ill. He also, however, lost quite a bit of weight when our DS got a) heavier so was more work to carry/push around and b) started weaning so we started eating more from scratch, on top of the weight he lost when we stopped eating out much because we had DS initially.

People tend to comment on the "ill" weight loss because it is more dramatic - but it is a clear sign of him being very unwell. I also lost weight due to post-DS lifestyle changes, and until I realised that DH had also lost weight I was a little worried I was ill too. And I find that, after losing weight then every time people see me they comment, even if I haven't lost any more. I think they mentally compare me to myself a couple of years ago, not the last time they saw me.

PS kudos to everyone who's spelled "lose", "losing" etc. correctly in this thread, I am finding myself so influenced by misspellings that I'm struggling to write it correctly - coupled with iPad sabotage.

Wannabestepfordwife Sat 05-Apr-14 13:11:55

Yanbu dsis is a recovering anorexic and whenever anyone says don't you look healthy I want to kick them- I know most people are trying to be kind and she does look healthy but please think about how she might interpret it.

I hate it even more when people comment on what your eating- yes I'm going to eat all this and no it's none of your business twat!

Sicaq Sat 05-Apr-14 19:22:35

I once responded to a persistent weight-commenter's greeting of "Oh, you've lost WEIGHT!" with "Have I? Shit. [to barista] Can I have the large Rocky Road with my coffee, too, please?" To friend: "There, hopefully that will sort it."

Wasn't in the mood for cake but I felt like being contrary. Went over her head though ...

RevoltingPeasant Sat 05-Apr-14 20:06:11

OP YANBU x 100.

I have used this example before on mn but it makes the point well.

In my last workplace there was a woman with a history of early MC. She got pg again and made it to I think just under 20 weeks, and then lost her baby.

Department numpty breezes into meeting "Oh, X, you look fab, you've really lost that weight off your tummy."

Awful silence. Woman unobtrusively goes to loo a few minutes later and never returns to meeting. Dept numpty clearly oblivious.


UncleT Sat 05-Apr-14 20:17:11

I also agree that it's simply not on to comment on people's weight, in the vast majority of circumstances anyway. I'm extremely sensitive about my weight, and even when I am happy with it I still don't like comments as they imply too much attention to my size.

Glitterfeet Sat 05-Apr-14 22:13:12


Only comment on someone's weight if they start up a conversation with you about it, or you've had previous conversations about dieting with them.

At my last job there were 2 people who used to talk constantly about their weight, what diet they were on and what they eat. It wasn't a topic I had any interest in so stayed out of the conversations. One day I walked in and the bloke exclaimed loudly that I had lost weight, I hadn't. Then wouldn't let it drop."you've lost weight! Have you lost weight? You HAVE lost weight".

I shrugged my shoulders and said Dunno, as I had no interest in talking about my weight. So he turns to those around him and asks everyone if they think I've lost weight. So I'm stood there with a room full of people staring at my body.

I still don't join in, say don't think so and carry on. But he still felt the need to exclaim that I'd lost weight. As I walked out the door he said "she's so rude". What the actual fuck?

Sandytrousers Sat 05-Apr-14 22:25:10

It's just plain rude to comment in someone's weight.

"Have you lost weight?"

"Have you had sex recently?"

"Do you shoplift?"

"What product do you use for your shamefully bad skin?"

As a PP said, what the hell is wrong with "how are you?"

It won't make me like you more if you pretend I've lost weight or if you draw attention to my body publicly and uninvited.

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