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to think that "come and stay with us...

(18 Posts)
admiralclingus Thu 03-Apr-14 17:19:45

..and we'll look after dd so you can have a rest" means they'll do the lions share of childcare?

Staying with my parents abroad at my moms request. She said, come out to us and we'll have dd so you can have a break. I'm currently parenting her alone as her dad is working away and we've had a very intense few months with her behaviour. I'm exhausted as I'm with her 24 hours a day, and when I'm not, I'm at work.

So far there has been no respite and dd has been more intense than usual (probably due to unfamiliar surroundings). I ended up leaving a cafe without eating my lunch yesterday as dd was climbing on me, the furniture, shouting and screamin.

Aibu to think that "you can have a rest while we look after her" means that I can have 5 minutes peace?

( fully prepared to accept you all calling me entitled etc)

odyssey2001 Thu 03-Apr-14 17:22:48

No. You are not be unreasonable. An offer of help is just that. I suggest you dump and dash!

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 03-Apr-14 17:23:33

YANBU. How frustrating. Out of your comfort zone too.
Have you spoken to her about it? Maybe they're planning on working up to it hmm

InAGrump Thu 03-Apr-14 17:40:06

Can't you leave her at their house and bugger off for a day?

PurplePidjin Thu 03-Apr-14 17:50:55

YANBU, my mum has moments of this too and the disappointment is actually worse than just having to get on with things IMO.

"Stay with us for a rest" in my mind means "stay in bed, we'll get up at 6 with the baby", "how about you go for a wander round the shops and a nice coffee while I take the baby to the park" and "there's plenty of hot water, go and run yourself a bath while I feed the baby some dinner".

I think you either need to keep your head down for the sake of family harmony and seethe with resentment or ask outright when exactly this purported break will be occurring hmm

wishingchair Thu 03-Apr-14 17:53:59

Maybe they're waiting to follow your lead. I'd ask if they can take her out so you can have a break. And/or break down in tears. Either should do the trick!

gamerchick Thu 03-Apr-14 18:01:22

ask..what have you got to lose?

admiralclingus Thu 03-Apr-14 18:18:35

I cried yesterday after leaving the cafe. My mom said "just ignore her" hmm easier said than done when she's climbing on me and knocking the tables!

I've just asked "cash you bath her and put her in hged please" I got the reply "but I'm tired" hmm

I can't really just go out, they live in an urbanisation that's out in the sticks with no bus service and I can't even borrow their car as I can't drive!!!

admiralclingus Thu 03-Apr-14 18:19:01

In bed that should say

gamerchick Thu 03-Apr-14 18:25:09

can you go home then? if lifes going to be hard then it's probably better in your own surroundings.

admiralclingus Thu 03-Apr-14 18:26:20

My flight home is on Wednesday morning and I can't change it

playftseforme Thu 03-Apr-14 18:26:22

agree w gamerchick, easier to be on your own in your own environment

playftseforme Thu 03-Apr-14 18:26:37

oops, xpost

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 03-Apr-14 19:06:38

Ts so infuriating.
At least my DM doesn't even offer.
But when I'm chasing around after toddling dd to stop her from falling down their stairs or some such she makes comments like "just come and sit down Amanda" or tells 3yo ds to "leave mummy alone for a minute"
She could just play with him and then I'd have a few minutes.
wine for you.
Grrrr.

deakymom Thu 03-Apr-14 20:01:16

hmm cant you say i just want to pop to..........? back in a minute and run away for an hour?

Purplepoodle Thu 03-Apr-14 20:32:21

Puts keep up with the request. I good one I have found is get up with dc then when parent gets up, swiftly say I'm going back to bed for a nap. Dash into bedroom, shut door and put ear plugs in.

Jolleigh Thu 03-Apr-14 21:20:48

Maybe have it out with them? If you're there until Wednesday having a difficult time regardless, may as well let them know they should be serious about the offer in future? Nothing nasty, just something along the lines of "when you said to come here and you'd have DD to give me a rest, I see now I was being foolish to think that meant you'd help care for her while I rested." May as well let them know it's really poor form.

Lucylouby Thu 03-Apr-14 21:23:55

We used to live away from family and my mum used to do this when DH was away. Come home for a few days for a rest is what she'd say. What she meant by a rt was that she would do the cooking and there would be no cleaning as it wasn't my house, but I still had to look after the dc. I wanted to do it the other way round. Being on your own with children is exhausting, I'm not surprised you want a short break.

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