Maybe i'm an over sensitive new Mum but...(11 Posts)
I have a 3 week old baby girl and she is mine an dh's first. This is my first post on mumsnet and i hope i'm posting in the right section..
My dh and been together for 8 years, married for 3. I struggled somewhat to get pregnant but didn't make a big thing of it or talk of ivf at family gatherings etc (i am referring to his family, i was more open with mine). Dh's brother and his girlfriend have 2 children (one aged 9 and one aged 5) whom i have always made an enormous fuss of and love very much. I accepted years ago that bils partner would never acknowledge the gifts in any way at xmas or bdays, even if only to acknowledge safe receipt. She's always been an incredibly self-centred person. eg if ever i spoke of something, she'd make up a story about doing it herself. She's known to lie. Even said ds was ill on our wedding day and always refers to our wedding day as when she "had the worst headache of her life" even though she forgets at the time fibbing that it was ds who was unwell. Anyway fast forward to birth of our much longed for dd - no card, text, nothing. Dh phoned brother to tell him news and he was obviously nice on the phone, but nothing else. Sil posting nonsense on fb about how tired she is and how much she "needs the weekend" blah blah, complaining to Pil's that she thinks she has MS (she comes out with very silly things, once pretended she'd been diagnosed with spina biffida, v bizarre. ONly happens when she's not centre of attention) Pils came to visit today and we were told that they would be bringing bil and sil too, but they just didn't turn up, no word or anything from them. Pil's need to grow a backbone with them, they refer to them as the 'small people' (had children at 18 but they are now well into their 20's!!!!!) and let them get away with blue murder as they still see them as 18 year old young parents. I appreciate that i'm being VERY pfb about this and of course my baby is more specail to us than anyone else but surely i'm not being unreasonable here? I just dont think it's acceptable that a whole family should just accept that 2 people can be so bloody thoughtless!
Congratulations to you on your new baby.
She does sound rather narcissistic.
YANBU! They sound like a pair of rude twonks.
Congratulations on the birth of your lovely dd!
No, YANBU. But you are fighting a losing battle. These people will not change but you can change your expectations and reactions.
Expect nothing from them. Do not react to her selfish behaviour. It is up to your dh to maintain a relationship with his side of the family. Focus on your own family and friends. This woman is not your friend. You happen to have had babies with two brothers, that's all. Sad, but true.
Enjoy your baby and welcome to munsnet. It's useful to know that there is a Relationships section which is full of lovely posters who have great advice on problems with in laws. AIBU can get a little erm heated.
I don't think you are being unreasonable!
A simple text/card costs less than a pound!
They sound very rude!!
Congratulations on your lovely dd x
ha, thanks Finola. Wise words indeed. I am completely used to her behaviour but i was surprised by this, i must say. I am on top of the world so it doesn't trouble me in the slightest but it is very rude, i feel sorry for my dh more than anything. I'd be very embarrassed if my brother behaved like that.
Congratulations!! She sounds jealous because there is a new baby getting the attention & it's not hers (my aunt was always the same when a new baby came along & 'pushed her girls out')!! Ignore her.. You have your own little family now concentrate on them.
The only thing worse than not seeing a SIL like that because she can't be bothered is seeing SIL because she can be bothered. She will compete, undermine, and bring unpleasant drama into your new life with your DD. So, my advice is to accept her can't-be-botheredness with gratitude. Expect nothing from her, and offer as little as possible.
Some people are incredibly self-centred. In this case it sounds like your DSil may even be in need of counselling for her lying problem. I think you need to ingnore her and try to keep your relationship with your DB and DNs going.
My DB turned up at the hospital two days after I had given birth, at 8.30am, stayed an hour and complained about how DM and DGM had nagged him into turning up, how tired he was (!!!), how awful the coffee was at the hospital and then left having forgotten to saying anything in the line of congratulations, ask how I was feeling or ask anything about DD!! He has since spent his time stropping about all the attention DM is now giving her only grandchild as if he is a 3 year old himself.
you know what she's like, so let her get on with it and don't be upset.
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