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To want different funeral arrangements than DH?

(13 Posts)
hillbilly Thu 03-Apr-14 10:58:54

We are sorting out or wills. DH wants a straightforward burial. I do not. I either want a woodland burial or be cremated and have my ashes scattered in a field somewhere. However this means 1 of us will be in a graveyard and the other elsewhere. It seems very separate which I'm not keen on. How can we compromise?

Morgause Thu 03-Apr-14 11:02:22

If you die first he keeps your ashes which will then be sprinkled on his grave.

You can't!

I am the same....DH wants to be buried and I want to be cremated and then scattered. He is most put out that we won't be together in death but I feel very very strongly about it. I have told him there is no negotiation on my part but if he wants to be cremated too we can get our ashes mingled. He doesn't though so it's tough. It's a bit of a standing joke with our friends but every one who knows me knows my wishes....cremation in a wicker coffin. I will have this put in my will too.

GilmoursPillow Thu 03-Apr-14 11:03:00

I don't see why you need to compromise. You won't be aware of whether or not you're together. I'd see it more of an issue for offspring if their parents were both buried in different locations.

SnookyPooky Thu 03-Apr-14 11:04:51

We live abroad, my DH want to be sent back to UK and buried there. I'm not too bothered and am quite happy to go in the British cemetery here.

Ploppy16 Thu 03-Apr-14 11:05:59

We're the same, he wants to be cremated and scattered somewhere very specific, I'm donating my body to the local Uni for the med students to do their worst with. What's left can be disposed of in the easiest way possible.
If there is an afterlife of any sorts we'll find each other regardless and annoy each other for eternity
YANBU to want different arrangements, the only compromise I can think of to to keep some of your ashes separate to be buried with him?

kim147 Thu 03-Apr-14 11:06:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody Thu 03-Apr-14 11:07:01

jeepers sorry op but be pleased you haven't far more pressing worries here on Earth.

ToAvoidConversation Thu 03-Apr-14 11:09:13

Or...whoever dies second gets to make the decision. That way they have something to do once the other one has passed away grin. They will find comfort in doing their best for their spouse. Why do you both care so much when you should be worrying about how your spouse will cope when you are gone?

HildaOnAHarley Thu 03-Apr-14 11:10:47

Bugger that - I would have spent enough time with him in this life without spending all of eternity with him too grin

I do love him……..honestly grin

daykin Thu 03-Apr-14 11:13:37

We're going on different continents. I don't really care. Maybe I'm already dead inside. My friend's dad had his ashes split between two burial sites in two countries which I feel a bit queasy about.

hillbilly Thu 03-Apr-14 11:37:00

Toavoid - it's not that we care so much it's just that we are finalising our wills rather hurriedly as DH is going away for a few weeks. We have had no more of a conversation about it than "what funeral arrangements do you want so I can tell the solicitor?" I'm just aware that we want different things and it is probably more about the children rather than us. Nothing to do with how the other will cope - that's an entirely different subject - this is purely for our wills.

hillbilly Thu 03-Apr-14 11:42:47

Food for thought - as ploppy16 suggested, I could be half scattered and half to go in with DH, although if he goes first it could be complicated to put my ashes in.

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