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To want my DS aged 3 to wake up in my house on his birthday?

(154 Posts)
youbethemummylion Thu 03-Apr-14 07:40:09

We are very lucky in that every other weekend ish (depending in other commitments) the PILS have DS1 and 2 to stay from Friday after school to Sunday morning. In the Easter hols me and DH have all the school hols covered except for the Thursday before Good Friday. PILS generously offered to have the kids from Thursday morning through to Monday morning and would take them to the caravan for a little holiday.

All great except Monday is DS2s birthday. I said I didnt want to not see DS2 until the afternoon on his birthday and that we would drive down to caravan on Sunday afternoon/evening to bring kids home so he will wake up here for his birthday. MIL is very annoyed about this saying we have ruined their holiday and now there is no point in going at all and they will just stay home.

MellowAutumn Thu 03-Apr-14 07:43:05

Yes - unless they are controlling in other ways - he will not be mentally scarred for life at 3 by being on holiday on his birthday. Apologies if there is a long back story.

picklechops Thu 03-Apr-14 07:43:17

No point in going? That's rubbish she's just annoyed. I'd want to be with my child too. Good luck!

HowContraryMary Thu 03-Apr-14 07:45:15

Yes YABU, dreadfully so.

It really makes no difference. Don't you think it might be nice for your child to have a holiday and wake up on his birthday doing something different? He's going to see you in the afternoon. He's not going to love you any the less.

I think you are being precious.

zookeeper Thu 03-Apr-14 07:46:38


littlewhitebag Thu 03-Apr-14 07:47:56

I am sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. You will see your DS on his birthday and you won't interrupt their holiday. I assume you are relying in them to cover that particular Thursday? They have arranged a lovely break for the children and I think you need to let them go off and have fun and you can have a lovely party ready for them when they return.

Sirzy Thu 03-Apr-14 07:47:58

So they are being exceptionally generous and taking them away to help you? I can understand them being miffed tbh!

Cobain Thu 03-Apr-14 07:48:50

I would like him to be at home, but I would also like him to be having the best time possible and if this is on holiday with PIL then so be it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 03-Apr-14 07:49:22

Could you stay in a nearby B&B on the Sunday night and pop over early on the Monday as a surprise?

youbethemummylion Thu 03-Apr-14 07:49:35

I know he wont be bothered either way and it is purely selfish on my part. The staying over every other weekend is for the PILs benefit not to help us out in a childcare sort of a way they suggested it as they wanted to spend more time with the kids and in some ways it actually makes mine and DHs life harder but we go along with it as its good for PILS and the kids. I know we needed help this time for 1 day but I didnt expect it to turn into this.
I also feel it may be partly due to her upset at not seeing DS1 on his birthday the week before as we are on holiday then.

meditrina Thu 03-Apr-14 07:50:57


This isn't about you. Your Ds2 will have a lovely time with GPs who are happy to have him and as he does there frequently, he's happy too.

You are ruining their plans, for the sake of a couple of hours.

If you don't want them looking after your DC, it would be better to tell them straight, rather than by something like this.

southeastastra Thu 03-Apr-14 07:53:12

i don't think it's selfish at all, he only has one birthday a year! i wouldn't worry what mil thinks.

southeastastra Thu 03-Apr-14 07:54:08

well a kids 3rd birthday is somewhat about the mother too!

wonderingsoul Thu 03-Apr-14 07:54:39

i think yabu..
he will have a lovely time. is there a way you could compermise. go down t he day befeor and stay over?

CoffeeTea103 Thu 03-Apr-14 07:54:45

I think yabu, it's more to please you than your DS. He will love being on holiday and will still get to see you.

youbethemummylion Thu 03-Apr-14 07:55:41

Also they will still have the same amount of time with them either way really as we were supposed to pick them up on Monday anyway so its only 1 night (when they would be asleep) and the following morning. They would still have all Thursday, Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday Im not asking them not to go. Just that we will pick up bit earlier than they had planned. Planned without consulting me or DH.

southeastastra Thu 03-Apr-14 07:58:04

really do what you plan to do, it really isn't unreasonable

youbethemummylion Thu 03-Apr-14 07:59:12

She is ruining her plans by saying they cant go. I never said they cant go just said I would pick up 1 night early. Would you all be happy not seeing your kids pretty much all of Easter weekend because you needed childcare 8 to 2 on the Thursday!

treaclesoda Thu 03-Apr-14 07:59:12

I think you're being precious too, sorry. But then I've come to see through mumsnet that a lot of people see birthdays as being a huge deal in a way that I've never experienced, so obviously I can't really see it from that point of view because it's so alien to me.

But, having said all that, your mil is being very dramatic saying that you are ruining their holiday. Also, it sounds like you have some resentment towards your pil regarding them taking the kids at the weekend, so maybe there is more to it than at first glance anyway?

I hope you get something sorted out that allows you all to enjoy the birthday.

formerbabe Thu 03-Apr-14 07:59:29

How ungrateful are you?! You get a lot of help with your children and now you are moaning its not on your terms.

Spoilt is the word that springs to mind.

ChinUpChestOut Thu 03-Apr-14 08:00:49

YANBU in wanting your DS to wake up at home and have his birthday with you there. I can understand that, but I do think you may have made a bit of a rod for your own back by allowing your PILs to have your children every other weekend.

If there's no actual essential childcare needed, why are they going there so often when they're so little? By allowing this, you have created an expectation from your PILS that you will not always want to indulge. Ease off the alternate weekends away for the DCs. Start planning some proper family outings - including weekends away - and enjoy your DC when they're young. And never mind what the PILS say - they're your DC, not theirs. No harm in them having their GC over once every few weeks, but every other weekend - really?

MajorGrinch Thu 03-Apr-14 08:01:05

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think YABU.

He'll have an lovely adventure & you'll still see him on the day - can't really see a problem TBH.

Sirzy Thu 03-Apr-14 08:02:40

Then you should have said straight away "that plan doesn't suit us, we eill find alternative childcare for the Thursday but thanks for the lovely offer"

Nocomet Thu 03-Apr-14 08:03:01

It's daft to be too precious about birthday's

Sharaluck Thu 03-Apr-14 08:03:07

It's difficult to judge if you are being unreasonable without knowing the dynamics of the relationship and childcare arrangements.

If they help you out with free childcare and you depend on them a lot then I think you are being unreasonable. A little give and take and goodwill goes a long way.

If they are quite interfering and controlling in general then yanbu but you need to reconsider your childcare arrangements and stop taking up their offers of childcare.

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