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To think DH has treated me very unfairly today?

(46 Posts)
newname1123 Wed 02-Apr-14 20:59:47

I've namechanged.

I suddenly became ill yesterday with a virus; feeling very sick, headache, shaky, dizzy etc, and had no choice but to lay on the sofa for the rest of the evening as I felt so ill, so DH had to do everything.

This morning I felt even worse and couldn't get out of bed so DH had to take the day off work to look after the kids, do school runs etc. He hates me being ill and always is moody if I'm ill. I could tell all day that he was moody as he was very huffy and just did the very bare minimum, ie took the kids to school, and wouldn't do anything for me such as get me a drink.

He got the kids from school, and then did their tea, and after that I felt a bit better, and having been in bed all day decided to bring a duvet down to the sofa for a couple of hours to watch tv and for some company. DH basically said to me that as I was 'up' he'd done enough and wasn't doing anything else tonight as he's tired. I asked if he'd got the uniforms ready for tomorrow, and he just went mad at me. I could tell all day that he'd been waiting for any opportunity to start an argument with me.

I tried to talk to him saying that I was just asking because they need sorting for tomorrow and he kept saying "SHUT UP" and "If you haven't got anything nice to say, DON'T say it". Then he said 'I'm going to sit upstairs, I don't want to be near YOU' and has gone off upstairs in a huff.

I'm upset. I feel low and vulnerable anyway, and he wouldn't let me say anything to defend myself and just shouted at me. I'm hardly ever ill, and I normally do everything for the DCs and all the housework as well as working.

newname1123 Wed 02-Apr-14 21:00:47

To add, he also did this when our youngest child was about 3 days old, just errupted out of the blue as he'd had to do things, and caused a big row and said it was all my fault.

DameFanny Wed 02-Apr-14 21:01:23

Why on earth do you call him "D"H? Does he really think you're his servant?

Famzilla Wed 02-Apr-14 21:02:38

I don't think you really need to ask if you're being unreasonable.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 02-Apr-14 21:02:48

He was really out of order.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Wed 02-Apr-14 21:03:47

Sounds like a childish cunt.

TheSkiingGardener Wed 02-Apr-14 21:04:21

Um, so if he has to do anything he's an arse. Are you his wife or his lackey?

YoniMatopoeia Wed 02-Apr-14 21:05:00

Erm. He doesn't sound very nice.

WhoDat Wed 02-Apr-14 21:05:29

Christ confused We all have our moments but that was a pretty harsh reaction to having to pull his finger out. I can't stand that kind of "it's your turn to parent" shite. Your kids are in school, what's the big deal?!?

Lj8893 Wed 02-Apr-14 21:06:02

Wow he's a charmer!

AnyFucker Wed 02-Apr-14 21:06:27

Your husband is an arsehole

bigbuttons Wed 02-Apr-14 21:07:35

What's he like with you the rest of the time?

Nancy66 Wed 02-Apr-14 21:07:50

is he ever nice at all?

If not I can't see why you'd be with him.

AskBasil Wed 02-Apr-14 21:07:50

He sounds completely vile.

Is this how you treat him when he's ill?

Does he actually love you?

WhoDat Wed 02-Apr-14 21:08:32

YANBU btw. Hope you're feeling better soon thanks

Foodylicious Wed 02-Apr-14 21:09:22

I think he certainly has. Not sure what you can do right now while you are feeling ill and he is cross but no not let this go.
I think you need to speak to him about it when he has calmed down (and will let you speak). He needs to know that just cutting you off and not letting you speak is not ok, he is not in charge of you and should not feel like he can control you like this.
It does not sould like he has a very high opinion of you or any respect (never mind being caring or compassionate when you are ill!)
How are things between you the rest of the time? does he huff and strop anytime he does not get his own way?
Id he ever considerate of your needs?
Does sound like a bit of a red flag to me - has this type of thing got worse/getting more frequent?

flowers & brew

onepieceoflollipop Wed 02-Apr-14 21:10:28

This is horrible.

If I am ill, or dh is ill, the ill person goes to bed. The well person
prioritises childcare, folllowed by general looking after of the ill person. (not that it happens often). non essential household tasks are put on hold, as are squabbles and arguments where possible.

Ronmione Wed 02-Apr-14 21:10:47

He sounds like an arse tbh, doesn't want to have to do a bit extra for his wife whose ill. I'd be talking to him once I felt better

Cobain Wed 02-Apr-14 21:12:11

Have to admit the rule in our house is if you are ill you stay in bed, can't stand sick adults looking miserable on the couch. But the well person still takes care of the DCs and the ill person. Is it a one off, does he worry the effect on his work taking time off? Trying to think of a justification for him being so vile.

AnyFucker Wed 02-Apr-14 21:12:56

There is no justification

BadgersRetreat Wed 02-Apr-14 21:16:39

shock fucking hell. Well you know what to do next time he's ill....

NoSquirrels Wed 02-Apr-14 21:17:25

He's an idiot. Does he usually do ANYTHING helpful? If not, start thinking about why you stay. If you already do it all anyway, why be in a partnership with him?

NearTheWindymill Wed 02-Apr-14 21:23:08

It isn't nice behaviour but it also sounds like the behaviour of someone who wasn't well mothered. My DH was a bit like this in the first six or seven years we were together. He had to learn because he hadn't been taught "caring" behaviour.

HolgerDanske Wed 02-Apr-14 21:25:45

No justification. Who on earth does he think he is?

verytellytubby Wed 02-Apr-14 21:25:58

He sounds like a total arsehole.

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