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To feel a bit singled out in this parent assembly?

(75 Posts)
LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 10:46:07

Right been into DDs school this morning to watch her in her little show for the parents. Several people had young children with them. I had to bring my DS who is 14 months.

A lot of the young children were getting bored and restless (we were in the hall for an hour expected to be quiet) so understandably they were playing up a bit. But DS was the youngest by a fair bit, the others IMO were old enough to be sat with some snacks or whatever and told to be quiet. But they were running round the hall, going out the doors and causing a fuss. Parents of these children were doing their best but I must admit it was a generally very stressful situation for anybody who had children. Usually we are allowed to bring in Buggies, but today we had to leave them outside, leaving me a bit unprepared as planned to leave him in there with a few snacks, which is what we usually do.

In the end, some of the children had got some shape toys out of a box that was left at the side of the hall in their reach. They clearly weren't meant for the little ones but weren't breakable or noisy so eventually the kids got their own way and were playing with minimal noise and out of the way.

Eventually I let my DS go and join in as he isn't old enough to understand and as the others weren't causing a problem I figgured it saved my santiy and my back (had been carrying him the for a good 40 mins at this point, being 7 months pregnant with him wriggling around so was bloody hard work.

Anyway, DS was sat there happily as he loves being around other kids. Even though they were all snatching from him and he was pretty much just sat there helplessly but was quite happy and certainly not making any more noise than anybody else.

Anyway, head teacher comes over, and tells me off. Not any of the other parents, not any of the children. Just me. Went on and on about how they are school resources etc etc. By this point, every parent in the hall (from the full 90 kids in year 1) were all staring at me and I was wanting the ground to swallow me up. By this point all the kids are also aware, where as they certainly weren't before she came over. I apologised, picked my Son up and took the toy off him. But she carried on talking. Didn't really hear what she was saying but basically made me feel like a 5 year old being in trouble with the head.

I just feel like everybody else was allowed to have their kids running riot but my 14 month old BABY sat quietly was enough to warrent humiliation in front of all the other parents. She could see I was clearly pregnant and could do without the extra stress of holding him even longer.

AIBU to feel a bit singled out? And that the head caused more disruption to this play than my DS did? Nobody had even noticed before this.

TopsyTail Wed 02-Apr-14 10:51:58

It sounds to me like she picked on you as the easy target. Maybe she didn't know who the other children belonged to, but had spotted you and decided to vent.

I'm not surprised you were embarrassed, the Head handled the situation badly.

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 10:55:08

She was't rude, I must admit. But it was more the fact it drew the entire hall full of peoples attention onto me. Everybody was very close together, if she really had to say something, it could easily have been to the group of parents nearby rather than just me.

I came home and cried blush

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 10:57:24

Oh and the other kids continued to do it, right till the end, including standing and playing on a little stage thing that was next to it. And nobody said anything.

SignoraStronza Wed 02-Apr-14 11:07:45

You poor thing. I remember taking an 18 month old dd to dd1's Christmas play. Chose a spot at the back next to the nearest escape route. Despite my best efforts, she played up of course, so spent most of the play in the adjacent library. I have one that simply won't stay still!

It was very unkind of the head to single you out. Mine actually came up to me afterwards to thank me for removing dd, but obviously I'd rather she would bimble about happily and reasonably quietly like the other toddlers, or be placated with snacks/toys/books instead of having to climb everything and screech.

I think I'd have got up and walked out (as I did once at an assembly - that was embarrassing).

Toizzy Wed 02-Apr-14 11:13:42

Yanbu that wasn't very nice and definitely not fair!
You'd think one of the parents could of said something as well..

Toizzy Wed 02-Apr-14 11:15:57

could HAVE said something, oh dear am I banned? I don't live in the uk if that's an excuse!

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 11:16:27

I wish I had TBH. But I didn't want to upset my daughter who has been looking forward to Mummy and brother coming to watch. She adores him and he has been laughing hysterically at her practising their funny dances and actions!

I have taken him to events there many times but as we have always been allowed buggies previously, he never got out so was fine, and we were always by the door that led into the playground so even if I couldn't keep him quiet I could wheel the buggy straight out there and watch through the window.

IMO they should of said on the letter that they wouldn't be allowing buggies this time. I am assuming it's because it was the whole year group this time rather than one class. But still could of been mentioned so we could of been prepared.

thebody Wed 02-Apr-14 11:21:13

oh poor you we have all been there.

it's difficult because seeing it from a TA view the children performing get put off by toddlers and the noise can drown out the voices of the school children pissing off their parents watching.

we usually say please come but don't bring toddlers but of course that's difficult too.

don't take it to heart.

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 11:27:40

thebody - I TOTALLY get that, I have worked in a school.
But:
a) They weren't disturbing the children
b) It was the 5 ish other older toddlers that were making any noise that was there and these children were around 2 years old and therefore can understand more than my baby can
c) Everybody else got away with it
d) it was the head telling me off that caused disruption

Lemonfairydust Wed 02-Apr-14 11:29:59

I would phone the school and arrange an appointment to discuss how rudely the head behaved, as that seems completely unnecessary. I can't believe you were expected to hold a 14 month old whilst heavily pregnant for an hour or more, total madness. Sounds like the head was taking the stressful situation out on you, as it clearly was not a very well thought out situation all round. Totally uncalled for.

sezamcgregor Wed 02-Apr-14 11:45:02

Definitely call the school and see the teacher.

If anything, it needs to be ENSURED that provisions are made for next time.

I'd be just the same if I were you, and have let too many things slide when DS was younger - determined not to let things go now!

Best of luck - and hugs - how horrible to be spoken to like that

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 11:52:31

It's actually just clicked with me that maybe she did know who I was and that I complained to the school a couple of weeks ago. I never complain about anything but they have changed the dates of when the school go back in September, meaning our holiday is now during term time, not during the holiday as planned. So my children miss the first few days going into their new class and meeting their new teacher etc, when I had even phoned the school and checked and double checked the dates.

She wrote to me with a letter with some pretty shit excuses as to why they need to change the dates (in fact it was actually a lie and therefore annoyed me further but I dropped it).

crashbangboom Wed 02-Apr-14 12:00:23

I'd take holiday dates up further now, to the governors if she lied.

I'd also email saying thank you for attempting to humilate me. If you had a proper grasp in the situation you would have seen I had neither instigated the playing with toys or was it causing any more disruption than trying to placate a toddler.

walterwhiteswife Wed 02-Apr-14 12:08:47

I would go in and speak to the head. once when I was picking up a friends dd from nursery they wouldn't let her come with me even though they had been informed I was picking her up. I said I would hardly take her if I didn't need to would I!! this teacher decided that she was going to try and reprimand me in front of everyone. she spoke to me like a child. she very quickly realised that I wasnt going to speak to me like that and backed off. my point is don't let anyone talk to you like that regardless of position

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 12:10:06

Let me tell you more about the holiday dates so it makes more sense.
The school are having building work done, making the school bigger than it already is.
She has said the change of dates is because the buildings had originally meant to be completed in Sept 2014, but they have now been luckily enough to be moving into the new buildings after the easter Holidays.
So they had originally put 3 training days at the start of September, meaning they didn't go back till Mon 8th September, allowing us to book a holiday for the first week of September.
THIS bit is true. HOWEVER My daughter happens to be one of the ones moving to the new building after Easter, and therefore I KNOW that those dates were changed a LONG time ago. I THINK possibly even before the last summer holidays, but if not then def in September 2013, and they have only just changed the dates (And only by a little bit of small print at the bottom of the newsletter.)

My Friend from the school has had to change her holiday dates and doubled the cost of her holiday.

SO She wasn't exactly lying about the original reason, however she was implying that this is something that has just happened, not something that happened around 8 months ago.

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 12:11:10

I'm rubbish at sticking up for myself! Much better at running home and moaning on MN blush

littledrummergirl Wed 02-Apr-14 12:19:04

Our school doesnt allow younger dcs into assembly as it disrupts the children and makes it very difficult to hear.
Perhaps the head spoke to you because she had higher expectations of your parenting ability (clutching at straws).
I once smuggled dd into an assembly, she sat under my chair with a colouring book and I fed her biscuits. I would never have done this with either ds though as they wouldnt have stayed there.

barleysugar Wed 02-Apr-14 12:30:11

I feel cross for you! I couldn't let that lie, if it was me, I would have to confront the head for some sort if resolution!

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 12:35:03

Barleysugar - but what will it achieve if I do? It's parents evening tonight and I know I will see her. It's actually making me feel really anxious and not want to go. I have been looking forward to Parents evening for weeks as I want to chat to the teachers about quite a few bits. Now feel like I am going to be on edge.

I wish I wasn't such a wimp! I Think she "went for the quiet one" this morning TBH. Probably to avoid confronting some of the more confident parents who would of said something back.

Jinty64 Wed 02-Apr-14 12:42:10

I would e-mail her now so that she gets it before parents evening letting her know how upset you were at being singled out this morning. Mention that you are 7 months pregnant and that normally you would have been allowed to take the buggy in and that it would have been helpful to have known in advance so that you could have made arrangements. You could mention that communication with parents generally seems to need some work!

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 12:46:22

TBH iv always stuck up for her before. When anybody has commented on the school, it's been that the school is great but they didn't like the head. I never understood it before but now I do!

ElsieMc Wed 02-Apr-14 12:49:09

Our primary school runs a free creche for these circumstances, but some parents still refuse to use it. The head does not have individual goes at parents, just occasionally politely suggests there is a facility available.

I think she was very unfair to you. Heads do occasionally lose it, mine ringing me when half a dozen year 1 boys had rolled in mud and unfortunately I was the first parent to pick up to the phone to an irate head who was showing VIP's round the school that day. The boys who had done it were all easily identified in their PE kits at the end of the day.

She came to speak to me later and apologised for her outburst but we laughed as we could both see the funny side - she did go really mad though as she was very anxious about the meeting. The point is she had the decency to apologise.

I think she owes you an apology and she certainly shouldn't need to be reminded to do so.

diddl Wed 02-Apr-14 12:51:04

Yes she was rude.

She told you off!

She could just have said that the "school resource" had to be put away.

LilllyLovesLife Wed 02-Apr-14 13:03:57

TBH I didn't hear all of what she said as i was too busy picking up DS and trying not to look as red as a tomato in front of everybody. She wasn't mega rude and maybe I have made her look worse than it was, it was more that it was just aimed at me and nobody else. TBH if it were me I think I would of just said to the CHILDREN not one adult as all the kids except my DS were old enough for her to bend down and just ask them to be quiet and put the stuff away. Then no embarrassment caused and the kids would prob have listened!

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