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Is 2 too young to send a child to pre school.

(57 Posts)
Aeroflotgirl Wed 02-Apr-14 08:16:21

I was reading another thread where a poster was sending her dd just over 2 to pre school. She was finding it difficult, I think a lot of posters saud it's too young, she should be with you, well done for taking her out.

My ds 2.3 has speech delay (wevave a SALT appointment and hearing test booked), has started pre school 3 times a week for 2 hr 45 mins each session. He cries at first but the staff has said he has been fine once I left, in collection he is happy and smiling. I feel really dreadful after reading that thread like I am not a good parent. I also have a dd7 with ASD to look after. Ds is a big ball of energy, he is like the Duracell bunny, and is constantly pulling things down or climbing (typucal toddler beaviour I know). I was finding it so hard, plus he was often waking 3 times a night I don't knw what for, but abey sleep for wimps kind of thing.

Since he started pre school he seems more settled, yes I have noticed he is starting to say more words. He is sleeping much better, 1 night waking. I feel better as my batteries are re charged, I can do housework, meet up with a friend or just do a bit of shopping without ds making it hard. Ds hasent got AS and there are no concerns there.

AIBU to send him as he is only 2. I am a SAHM btw so is with me all the time

iliketea Wed 02-Apr-14 08:23:25

No YANBU - if it suits him, he's happy and it suits you, then whatever you choose is fine. There is no "right way" for everyone, do what suits you and your family irrespective of what some random people on the internet think.

Goingcrazy888 Wed 02-Apr-14 08:25:51

I think pre school works for some families/children and not for others. I honestly feel that for most two year old who haven't been in formal childcare before that pre school might be a bit much however that does not mean it is too much for your DS.

If you think he is happy there and it's benefiting you all in other ways then it can only be a positive thing. Obviously if he was unhappy at pre school then that would be a different story.

My DD is 2.3 and also had a speech delay. I debated pre school but decided to put the money towards private SALT instead. For her it was the right decision as she has a very quiet/shy personality and I was worried that she wouldn't feel confident enough to express or sign what she needed at pre school. It totally depends on your child/family.

Do not feel guilty at all. Go with your gut feeling, he's your son smile. Did you feel this way before reading the other thread?

MrsFlorrick Wed 02-Apr-14 08:31:02

No. It isn't. My DS started at 2.3. He loves it and its brought on his language leaps and bounds.

DD (oldest) didn't go until 3 because I couldn't bear to be parted from my PFB grin. I really wish I had sent her earlier.

Both mine are July babies so are having to start in Reception young. DD was 4.1 and DS will be 4.2 when he starts.

DS will be much better placed to cope with reception life because he has had that extra year at pre school.

All things said, DD copes beautifully with Reception and loves it and performs well and is well behaved. I just think she would have had more confidence and social skills with that extra year at preschool.

Don't feel bad. If he settles once you leave then he is fine.

One of DDs reception friends still cries when her mum drops her off and again the minute she claps eyes on her mum after school. But she is fine in between.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 02-Apr-14 08:37:22

Thanks everyone it's very reassuring. Of course if he was crying all the time and staff told me he was unhappy I would withdraw, he just needs something else. I don't drive either (failed loads of tests) so am limited to where I can go. Soft play and farms are outside town and hard to get to by bus and expensive by taxi

heisenberg999 Wed 02-Apr-14 08:37:54

Im a great lover if nursery and out of all the children I have ever worked with only 2 had speech problems that started as babies compared to about 50% of ones that started at 2/3. Thats only in certain areas I think it is as bad as here but I personally would definitely be sending mine in at 2.

Marylou62 Wed 02-Apr-14 08:39:39

All children are different. I work/volunteer in a pre school and most LOs settle well. A few take a while and very rarely a few need to be taken out and started again when they are older. MY DS1 was a nightmare and eventually took him out and started with no problems again when he was 3. My DD went at 2 and never looked back. Only you can judge if your LO is happy. And do not compare your child with others.

MrsSeanBean1 Wed 02-Apr-14 08:46:04

It is my thread that you are referring to. I think you have to listen to people that say do what is right for you and your family as everyone's circumstances are different. I was getting no benefit at all from sending DD to pre school. It was just upsetting both me and her. However, my circumstances are different to yours. I see my mum and sister every day. All of us are Stay At Home. We spend much of the day at my mum's smallholding so lots to do and lots of space for DD to run around. I have a lot of family support nearby so there is usually someone to help me out if needed. My grandparents are dying so I want DD to spend as much time with them as possible. Your circumstances are different and it seems as if Pre School is giving you the short break you need in order to function at your best when you do have your child with you. That can only benefit him. And if he seems to be doing well in Pre school then that's all that matters. It obviously suits him.

I think both of us need to work on not feeling so guilty. Hugs x

heisenberg999 Wed 02-Apr-14 08:50:54

Our Salt is in our setting all the time and she advises all the parents to use nursery, but she said herself she cant makr anyone. It does make it harder for us as staff for parents to ignore her and then start them at 3 and a bit and they are still only on 16-26 months of the Learning Journey. We usuallly turn it around pretty quickly with intense speech and language help but we would have much more time if they started them when they were first advised.

Weetabixwife Wed 02-Apr-14 08:52:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateSpade Wed 02-Apr-14 08:54:34

My DD is 2.5 and goes to nursery full time and has done since she was 1.2.

At first I was finishing my degree and now am working. I really believe nursery has done her more good than staying home with me ever would. Her development has come on leaps & bounds.

And, she bloody loves it, she used to ask to go on a weekend, until I explained to her. In a morning, she is running out the door to 'see Miss Emma' & her friends.

I do understand why some people are against it, but I am 100% for it. & also, she hasn't always gone full time, mostly she's been attending 3/4 days.

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 08:55:51

I was given free hours to use at preschool at 2 (husband was made redundant so we qualified even though he got work shortly after) and we chose against it. I discussed it with the preschool manager that we use.

Certainly in our case the preschool is really set up for rising 3s and has only started taking 2 year olds in recent years. A nursery is different as it has different rooms for different ages etc.

I wasn't sure about it (certainly wouldn't object to the free time) but as I knew the manager, we discussed it and sh was of the opinion that 2 was too young in a lot of cases and my daughter would benefit more from being around me.

I think in most cases 2 is to young BUT I think there are cases where it can benefit the family - for example in your case there is obvious benefit to you getting the break. In families where there is little interaction (not nec due to parenting, sometimes due to ill health etc) then it can be miles better for the child. So there are other factors to weigh up as well.

Going to preschool for a year before starting school is long enough, but doing another year to prepare for that year.... I think only benefits some families.

Its of course a completely different question if childcare is needed for working purposes. Its obviously in the family as a wholes interest for the child to be in childcare then. But we were discussing a SAHM and what is best for the child.

I do think its sad that in many cases (mine!) we've lost the network of neighbours and family locally that parent together, meaning you do get natural "breaks" from your children. I currently live in a fairly low socioeconomic area, and the strong bonds with familly/friends in a lot of cases is fantastic. Sister is over the road, mum around the corner, friends from school everywhere. Some might not have what I "have" in terms of education but they have a lot more in terms of strong networks and support for the odd popping out/hairdressers/company etc.

halfdrunktea Wed 02-Apr-14 08:56:55

My DS started at 2.3 and was fine (2 hours per week at first) but in hindsight I'd say 2.5-3 is probably better. I think it depends on the child and your personal circumstances.

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 08:58:36

Weetabix - I think it varies from area to area. In our area nursery is usually 0-5 and often with the option of full time working hours and mainly covers wworking families.

Pre-schools used (until 2 years ago was it?) around here to start at the minumum of 2yr9months but mainly be the year before you started school plus sometimes a bit extra. Often only mornings, sometimes school hours.

Just to confuse things more a few schools (not many around here) have "nursery" as a year attached to school prior to reception or joint with EYFS. Again sometimes just mornings/afternoons or sometimes school times.

HolgerDanske Wed 02-Apr-14 08:58:52

Sorry OP this will be no help to you, but I misread the thread title as, Is 2 too young to send a child to med school grin

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 09:05:00

Grin. That would have to be a mumsnetter wouldn't it.

JapaneseMargaret Wed 02-Apr-14 09:09:34

This same advice applies on the thread as the other - do what is best for your child and you. In this case, it seems pretty clear that pre-school works, and is good for your DS, and is a bit of a respite for you as well. smile

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 09:14:03

What does your daughter want to do?

mrsjay Wed 02-Apr-14 09:16:51

I think it is wonderful these funded places are in place for young children OP you are doing nothing wrong one size does not fit everychild your child is thriving having his SALT sessions i assume and loves his preschool not every child does and some leave them till they are a bit older there is no right or wrong thing when it comes to nursery, MY own dds went to playgroups on their own when they were that age they loved it

Marvintheparanoid Wed 02-Apr-14 09:17:30

I just replied to the other thread, and its the same advice really. Trust your instincts. My DD went to preschool at 2 without problem, DNephew was kept home till 4 cos he didn't like it. Both are doing just fine. You know your child, if he is thriving, please don't feel guilty. smile

Weetabixwife Wed 02-Apr-14 09:23:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andcake Wed 02-Apr-14 09:26:58

Just wanted to add although my partner is a sahd we plan to send ds to nursery (at least a few mornings a week) from just after 2. Mostly as I think it will help his development (especially social skills) and he needs to run around more than our home allows!
He is likely to be an only child (sob sob sob) so I want him to have some friends to play with. Again we don't have family etc close by

Aeroflotgirl Wed 02-Apr-14 09:30:56

Mrs Sean your lucky you have family nearby, dh parents and sister live abroad and my mum is elderly and lives a way. She is not able to help much as she finds it hard due to her age. Sean you in your circumstances are doing the right thing, dd is obviously unhappy which is not good. Ds seems happy, the benefits for us outweigh it all. He just is a big ball of energy and exploring. He is also extremely independent and did not really do hugs or cuddles, just a quick one than off he goes

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 09:34:40

Weetabix - they have to follow the EYFS (same as a nursery/cm of that age) so yes its playing, but its learning through play and the kids have targets!It would be similar to the 3-4 room of a nursery I suspect. Sometimes a different ethos if its a community pre-school but similar inside I suspect.

Sometimes a nursery year in a school is more school-like. We avoided the one near us for that reason - they have a different ration to, as its a qualified teacher it can be a teacher and a ta for the class rather than lots of key workers.

Its only really in the last 2 years that sending 2 year olds to pre-school has become a "thing". Prior to that if you wanted childcare you would use a nursery or cm, so some pre-schools aren't ideally set up for 2 year olds (I think the one I use does a good job, but for the last billion years they have had mainly 3/4 year olds and arent ideally set up to have the 2 year olds in there witih them. A nursery often has different rooms.)

I've thought about it a lot, and we chose not to do pre-school early as we can provide well at home. However I think you need to weigh up the benefit to the whole family and in many cases a break from the child can be A Very Good Thing, especially if there isn't family help etc.

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Wed 02-Apr-14 09:37:06

Oh gosh - my comment about the daughter was for a different thread. I'm going to come off mn and go into the outside world for a bit!

Aeroflot - sounds perfect in your situation, and your ds is enjoying it so good all around! It's so easy to start to feel anxious when reading mn threads isn't it - there's 101 ways to do things "right".

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