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To persevere with 2 year old at Pre School even though it feels wrong

(94 Posts)
MrsSeanBean1 Tue 01-Apr-14 16:55:18

My 2 year, 2 month old DD started at preschool last Friday. She goes 2 mornings a week 9am until 1pm, having her packed lunch there. It is the absolute ideal Pre School. 2 staff and only 6 children, Montessori, very child led, lots of outdoor play etc.

Last Friday she went in quite happily as she was very interested in the toys. I said bye, left and she carried on playing. When I collected her I was told that she cried for about 10 minutes then was fine. After I picked her up she seemed fine.

Today she clutched my hand as we approached the school and was clingy the whole time I was there. I said bye and the teacher distracted her. When I went to collect her I heard her crying hysterically and she clung to me all the way back to the car. They told me she had been crying all morning. She didnt join in with anything and hasn't ever eaten her lunch whilst there. At home this afternoon she has been clingy and wouldn't let me leave her to nap- something which she has never done before.

I am a stay at home mum so DD doesn't need to go to pre school. I sent her really as she has speech delay and I thought it might help her . I have just had a new baby so i was worried that she is missing out on my time a bit now. Also I felt pressure as all my friend's 2 year olds are in nursery and I am worried my DD is bring disadvantaged. I have a Masters degree in Early Years and all of my research tells me that 2 year olds ideally should be at home with someone who loves them. Logically I know this but I think that society places such pressure on parents to put their children into nursery as soon as possible. Obviously I know that some people have no choice but to me, in my situation, it feels wrong to leave my DD so upset.

I really want to stop taking her and maybe try again in September when she's a bit bigger. My mum agrees with me but my sister thinks I should persevere. I am worried that I am being too precious as I know I can be due to her being a much longed for child after years of infertility and miscarriages.

I am a former early years teacher so I do do a lot of educational activities with her at home. She sees her extended family every day and we go to a baby group every day so that she can socialise. Normally she is confident and sociable which is why her being so upset is a shock.

This afternoon I sat watching her playing naked in her paddling pool and sandpit with her little cousin and her grandma, and i cried. She was so happy and content she didnt stop laughing. She had lots of hugs and kisses, and then ate an enormous tea. It made me cry as I just thought that this is what being 2 is all about so why am I forcing something that is making me and her unhappy.

I really have no idea what to do and would value other people's opinions.

drudgetrudy Tue 01-Apr-14 16:58:56

I would leave it till September if you can, pre-school isn't compulsory and she is very young

FederationPresidentBarryFife Tue 01-Apr-14 17:00:23

Keep her at home with you until she's a bit bigger. Wait til 3. Then she'll get her early years funding. Trust your instincts.

Paintyfingers Tue 01-Apr-14 17:02:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paintyfingers Tue 01-Apr-14 17:03:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phoolani Tue 01-Apr-14 17:03:27

If its making you both miserable and you don't need to do it, why do it? Keep her at home and work on her speech delay yourself - she won't get much speech benefit at nursery if she cries all the time she's there.

Christinedonna Tue 01-Apr-14 17:03:32

Shes getting all the attention and social skills she needs at home with you. If her being away from you is stressing her out and upsetting her she will only begin to become more distant and secluded,which is the opposite affect you wanted it to have on her. I think 2 years old is too young to be away from her mummy. Id take her out and leave it until shes a bit older and you think she can handle it. There's no point persevering with something that is affecting her negatively and its not even necessary.

Supercosy Tue 01-Apr-14 17:03:58

I'd leave it for a while. She is obviously not finding it easy and she is really little. She might be feeling a bit out of sorts due to being a big sister in addition to this new change. I'd take her out if I were you.

MeanwhileHighAboveTheField Tue 01-Apr-14 17:04:39

Keep her at home

LittleMissGerardButlersMinion Tue 01-Apr-14 17:04:40

If you feel she is too young, leave it until September, and try again.

Neither of mine were in childcare before 3 (personal choice, not having a go at anyone for what they choose) but it hasn't done them any harm.

Maybe with the new baby it's a bit much all at once and she is worried what she is missing out on?

Do what is right for you, not what others tell you to do.

plantsitter Tue 01-Apr-14 17:05:19

I think she will be fine if you persevere, but if you don't want to, don't. There is no reason on earth to send her to nursery at 2 if you would rather have her at home and you can practically do it.

Greentriangle82 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:05:27

keep her home for as long as you see fit not anybody else. Your last paragraph is so lovely, you're right that's what being 2 is all about!

ThisMorningWentBadly Tue 01-Apr-14 17:05:45

Wait until she is three. 2 always seems so little to start pre school.

RabbitPies Tue 01-Apr-14 17:08:00

I'd wait until she was three or so. Sending your dd to preschool doesn't seem to be right for either of you at the moment.

SapphireMoon Tue 01-Apr-14 17:09:02

I had same problem with my ds when 2. He just cried and was distraught unless I stayed..
I left it too long before I gave up but I eventually did.
He started the school nursery in the September and was fine.

Forgettable Tue 01-Apr-14 17:10:18

Keep her home, wait til she is three

Hogwash Tue 01-Apr-14 17:10:31

I think you need to trust your judgement, and what your education has taught you.

This is so sad sad: 'Also I felt pressure as all my friend's 2 year olds are in nursery and I am worried my DD is bring disadvantaged. I have a Masters degree in Early Years and all of my research tells me that 2 year olds ideally should be at home with someone who loves them. Logically I know this but I think that society places such pressure on parents to put their children into nursery as soon as possible. Obviously I know that some people have no choice but to me, in my situation, it feels wrong to leave my DD so upset'. There is a huge pressure, but I think you'd be doing your daughter a favour by resisting it.

CecilyP Tue 01-Apr-14 17:11:19

I wouldn't send her. I can't really see any point. Children don't really play together, but rather alongside each other, at this age. I would leave it until she turns 3 when she might actually enjoy the experience. Different if you have to use a nursery if you are going to work but, as you are home anyway, she should stay with you.

Hogwash Tue 01-Apr-14 17:12:43

PS: Is it baby-blues and tiredness causing you not to trust yourself?

Forgettable Tue 01-Apr-14 17:14:23

And also, your friends might not feel as confident or able as you to extend learning opportunities, and how to enrich their experiences, so the going to preschool at age 2 is the right thing for them and their children. IYSWIM, clunky sentence, sorry!

smartietot Tue 01-Apr-14 17:15:11

I had a very similar issue with my little boy. I persevered for a while and it got worse! He moved to another setting when he was 3 and he had a great time right from his first visit. I never even take him in he says goodbye on the street and runs straight in. (Think they must have me down as a VERY overprotective parent as I spoke to them before he started saying he had settling issues and was not very sociable without me there...he has never shown any signs of this there!!). Definitely go with your instincts - I regret making my little boy go for a couple of months when he was clearly telling me he didn't like it there. Lots of people kept telling me to stick with it and how great the setting was which clouded my judgement I think. The most important thing is little children feel happy and secure - then all the magic learning happens despite us interfering grown ups!! You will make the right decision for your little girl as you are the one who knows her best.

MrsSeanBean1 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:18:21

Probably Hogwash. I have a difficult, refluxy baby so I'm getting about 3-4 hours sleep a day. I'm also worried to death about DDs speech delay. She had speech therapy and is making slow progress but I feel so guilty, as if it is my fault. I have done everything I possibly can to give her the best start, I have completely devoted my life to her so I just don't understand why she is so delayed

Scarbella2 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:21:04

Keep her at home : life is too short to add further guilt to the file of been a mother. :-)

Nancy66 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:21:16

Keep her at home.

Timing with new baby will be making her very insecure.

She's distressed and unhappy and you, her mother, can stop that so why wouldn't you ?

Hogwash Tue 01-Apr-14 17:24:19

sad Then you sound as though you need a lovely relaxing Spring and Summer messing about in the garden, not rushing to nursery in the mornings and messing up nap/feeding time to pick up at lunch time. Sometimes I think we can try too hard and it comes round and bites us on the bottom. I expect she will surprise you one day soon, while you are focusing on your new baby.

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