I don't want this to be identifiable so am going to change a few details.
I'm completely torn. My best friend was with her boyfriend for 9 years. They bought a house, got engaged, were deep into wedding planning and she started to have 2nd thoughts.
She asked him for a little bit of space and stayed with me for 3 weeks, it was very confusing but no one else was involved (as she didn't leave my side the entire time, I'm positive about this.
She decided she was being ridiculous and had just panicked, did love her DP and decided to go home. I went with her as she wanted to sort the house, make dinner etc and surprise him with a 'kind of' apology meal and get things back on track. She said it was the stress of the massive wedding she felt she was being forced to plan, and the pressure about having kids he was putting on her.
We arrived at her house and it was a sty. Her DP's laptop was open and on Plenty Of Fish, with his photo as the profile picture, so hard to miss. We (rightly or wrongly) looked at his profile, where he said he was single and looking for fun. He had deleted all recent conversations.
While cleaning up, we also found his phone bill, which was sky high, all calls and texts to the same mobile number at an alarming quantity... But dating further back than when she had left for her 'break'.
We called the number and a female answered, and I asked her who she was (at my friends insistence, as I thought the best thing to do would be call and confront DP but she was getting really upset) and she asked if I was best friend and (with her nodding) I said yes. The woman told to that I should just ask him and put the phone down.
Her DP came back and had obviously heard from the woman as he was totally defensive. He had a go at her for calling, they had a screaming row that went nowhere and she wanted to leave so came back to mine.
They had a conversation later where he said he had started something a week after she left and it was new, before that, they were just friends that met online and swore blind nothing had happened. He broke up with BF and they sold their house via email only, no conversations.
My friend has been destroyed. It's been very hard for her but she recently met someone amazing and is very happy.
Another friend of mine is on Plenty Of Fish and has just discovered something. ExP new girlfriend has an old profile on there, that she updated a few months after the break up saying 'I thought I would update to tell you, I found love, you can too. We've been together over a year now and he's amazing.' And goes on to tell the entire story of my BF's relationship & breakup, including untrue details such as her cheating on him and him never loving her. It also proves what my friend really wanted to know all along, that he had been cheating for a long time and she was right to take a break to decide if she should marry him. She's blamed herself this whole time, that she lost him because of those 3 weeks.
But on the other hand... It's been a long road of upset and devastation and she's finally out the other side, so maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie and not tell her.
WWYD??
Please or to access all these features
Please
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AIBU?
To not tell her?
47 replies
curiousgeorgie · 01/04/2014 15:14
OP posts:
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