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AIBU to now be thinking it was U for someone to say she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula?

(96 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:01:57

Knowing, as she did, that I had ff as I had really struggled with bf a year ago?
Been thinking about it since she said it (last week) and it's actually irritated me more than I thought at the time.
She's a fairly new mum so of course I can forgive lots of silly things being said in the haze of hormones and sleep deprivation.
But I've been hormonal and sleep deprived in the recent past too (actually I'm still massively sleep deprived; her answer to this was to tell me she'd be getting in a sleep trainer at 6m and she couldn't understand why people allowed sleep problems to go on so long... again knowing that my DD is a non-sleeper...) and I've never called anyone else's feeding choices 'poison'...
Just feeling a bit peed off.
And it's nonsense, anyway, right? To say that she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula???

bragmatic Mon 31-Mar-14 20:04:45

Of course it is.

She's an idiot. Sleep deprivation can only excuse so much.

HowContraryMary Mon 31-Mar-14 20:07:52

She's entitled to her opinion.
You are entitled to yours
You can choose whether to see it as a slight on your parenting.
Or you can choose not to.

Where do you stand on the Greggs sausage roll and fruit shoot sort of poisoning?

Personally I'd put a 6 month screaming baby at the far end of the house and put in ear plugs, thus avoiding the need for a sleep trainer and saving oodles of squids on funky new age shit stuff

whatareyoueventalkingabout Mon 31-Mar-14 20:08:42

someone said this to me before I had kids. it's such a horrible thing to say to someone I can only assume that the person saying it is massively insecure and the only way they can make themselves feel better is belittling others.

It did spur me to on feed myself though because I couldn't bear the idea that they would be thinking or saying that about me.

financialwizard Mon 31-Mar-14 20:09:05

Just ignore her. I had to feed both my babies formula because I didn't produce enough milk. I would have been devastated to hear the opinion that I was 'poisoning' them.

On the sleep side, both my children slept through from 6 weeks lucky but one is a hideous teenager now so I am getting the stress and sleepless nights now!

Methe Mon 31-Mar-14 20:10:00

Well it's clearly not poison but the last thing I wanted when either of mine were born was to contaminate them with formula even though I knew it was safe.... I didn't have much choice with dd was she was prem ( and the breast feeding nurse on the ward she was born on was a fucking bitch)

I didn't like it though and I made sure it didn't happen with ds.

People feel how they feel. Poison is a stupid word to use.

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 31-Mar-14 20:12:01

Yep she was unreasonable and also rude and stupid

meditrina Mon 31-Mar-14 20:12:11

Perhaps you could see it as an admission that she is incapable of making up a bottle safely, and that is is indeed worried that her expected incompetence will give her baby food poisoning.

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 31-Mar-14 20:12:49

So is contaminate

Kelly1814 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:14:53

I would like to stab people who come out with this hateful, misinformed shite.

ShadowFall Mon 31-Mar-14 20:15:10


However strongly someone feels about bf, formula is clearly not poison. Many babies are ff and grow up to be healthy. It's a ridiculous word to use.

Kelly1814 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:15:17

I would like to stab people who come out with this hateful, misinformed shite.

emeraldgirl1 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:15:50

Thanks for replies!
Yes I think she is very very insecure... I suppose I've not taken it as a slight on my parenting as such, it more just irritated me that she would say it. Actually, I'll be honest, it irritated me that she would THINK it. Which is probably v unreasonable of me. But there are other ishoos that go along with this particular person that makes my tolerance low...
All the more annoying as I was genuinely trying to offer support about how difficult she has found bf and tell her all the stories I know of people who struggled but eventually succeeded.

Kelly1814 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:16:21

I would like to stab people who come out with this hateful, misinformed shite.

Methe Mon 31-Mar-14 20:16:33

Yes it is but a new mum is allowed to feel visceral about feeding their newborn.

Fwiw I wouldn't have said it to anyone but that's how I felt.

You have to make some allowance for the ridiculousness of new mums.

emeraldgirl1 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:18:02

meditrina smile
Methe I think the 'contaminate' thing is pretty much what she was getting at too. And yep, she's entitled to that opinion (as are you) if that's what she thinks, but I think they're strong words to be using openly especially when (in this case) she knew I'd really had no choice but to ff.

TwoTribes Mon 31-Mar-14 20:18:24

contaminate them with formula

Poison is a stupid word to use

Not much difference between the word 'poison' and 'contaminate' in this context though is there.

FederationPresidentBarryFife Mon 31-Mar-14 20:19:28

she is so U. Formula has saved hundreds of babies - she is ill informed and judgemental. Just sit back and wait until she is the frazzled mum of a toddler and doling out the Haribo. Then enjoy a wry smile and get on with your life. This sort of bullcrap is not worth worrying about.

Chipandspuds Mon 31-Mar-14 20:19:41

If someone said that to me I think I would have to avoid them at all costs because I think actually it's just spiteful at worst and insecure at best.

Formula milk is a perfectly good substitute for breast milk and considering the huge number of formula feed people in this country we're not doing too badly!

thebody Mon 31-Mar-14 20:20:11

contaminate and poison very very funny op.

she's a complete twat and as a parent your 24 years I can say with complete certainty that while you are smugly smiling at other parents and thinking you have it all cracked at least one of your kids will he biting your arse

also have learnt over the years to parent how suits you and fuck off to the rest of the world especially daft twats like your friend

emeraldgirl1 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:20:22

Can't avoid her, am related smile

Geordiegirl79 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:20:24

It's insensitive and you should ignore it. It makes me really sad when people don't support each other in feeding choices and feeding issues that are beyond our control. We're all just trying to do our best for our babies!

emeraldgirl1 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:26:32

This is a person who needs her 'best' to be better than everyone else's.

I do know it's an insecurity thing.

Shouldnt have let it irritate me.

I guess I'm slightly pre-projecting as (since we are related) I know I'm going to have to learn to tolerate a lot of competitive parenting as the years go by...

GiveTwoSheets Mon 31-Mar-14 20:27:04

Run as fast as you can from this person and save yourself.

Btw this is only the beginning of years to come of being told all kinds of parenting bollocks that will question your own worthiness as a parent, so grab hold of thick skin quick

eddielizzard Mon 31-Mar-14 20:30:29

awful comment regardless of their circumstances.

i had the misfortune of being close to someone who would make those sorts of awful comments. eventually i realised that she wasn't just thoughtless, she was actually trying to provoke. i don't see her any more.

i would try and minimise contact with this person because there will be lots of stupid, thoughtless, hurtful comments. it's just not worth it. there are plenty of lovely people who are kind. spend time with them instead.

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