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To think my stepson was quite rude?

(49 Posts)
SelectAUserName Mon 31-Mar-14 17:38:07

Before I start I know this is a bit pathetic to be dwelling on this and I'm probably BU - I'm just ranting really.

My stepson and his GF live in London, my stepdaughter lives in NE England, we live somewhere in between. My DSD was travelling down to stay with her brother today for a few days and asked if I would be able to meet her for coffee if she broke her journey in our town as she had a Mother's Day card and present that she wanted to give me in person. I work FT and had a 2pm meeting today but I worked out I could take a long lunch, get the 12.10pm bus to the station (about 15 min journey), have a coffee and grab a quick sandwich with her and then get the 1.25pm bus back to work in time for my meeting. She was fine with these timings.

My DSS and his GF decided to travel up to meet her here as GF's family lives in the same county as us, so they stayed at GF's parents' last night. So everyone was now meeting at the station, including my DH to see his DCs, but I was the only one with time constraints as they were all either on holiday (the young 'uns) or retired (DH).

My DH sent me a text to tell me where they were; when I joined them at about 12.30pm - my bus being a few minutes late - they were in a pub which didn't serve food. After saying hellos to everyone and my DSD giving me my presents and a few minutes general chat, I asked if there was anywhere nearby where I/we could grab some food. If I'd been going back to my desk I would have been happy with a takeaway sandwich but as I was going straight into a meeting I really needed to eat before going back to work. DH and I have only been living here for a few weeks so don't know all the amenities yet, but GF knows the place fairly well due to her family connections. She suggested a few different places and I said I honestly didn't mind where we went so long as I could get something quick (by this time it was about 12.45pm).

We moved on, which DSS wasn't too pleased about as he had to finish his drink in a hurry. The first place we tried, he turned his nose up at the food choices on offer (fairly basic choice - pies or sandwiches) so we went on to a Wetherspoons. We ordered and the barman told us there was a 20-minute wait for food, was that okay? As it was now approaching 1.00pm I said to cancel my meal as that wouldn't give me time to eat it before having to leave for the bus, but that they should stay and have their lunch and I'd head off now and grab something en route to the bus stop. DH and DSD were obviously (but politely) unhappy that I'd have to resort to eating alone after coming out specifically at DSD's request, so they cancelled their meals too. DSS then quite huffily and grumpily did the same for him & his GF. We went back to the previous place - I said I was happy to just get a sandwich and they could all go back to Wetherspoons after I'd left, but DH and DSD said they were happy to eat there too.

We three ordered and ate our food while DSS withdrew and messed around on his phone, barely saying a word for the rest of the time I was there.

I wouldn't care but he's 38, not a teenager!

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Mon 31-Mar-14 17:47:51

YANBU, he does sound rude. You made plans with your DSD and he tagged himself and his GF along to it, then grumbled about the time constraints.
It seems like you went out of your way to try and be fair, saying they were welcome to stay at weatherspoons whilst you went for a quick bite then back to work.
He was being a little childish really, he had the rest of the day to eat and could have eaten elsewhere once you had left.
Is your relationship normally a lot better with him, or do you not get along?
If I was you I would be arranging to meet your DSD on her return journey for a cuppa if you can.

saltlakecity Mon 31-Mar-14 17:51:16

To be honest I would have spent my time with them if you don't live nearby. Missing one meal to spend time with loved ones isn't a huge deal. I would have stayed in the first place for a chat.

KellyHopter Mon 31-Mar-14 17:53:52

It sounds like you dictated what went on somewhat because you wanted to eat.
I'd find that irritating too, it's one meal and really not a big deal.

MammaTJ Mon 31-Mar-14 17:55:25

I would have stayed in the first place too and grabbed a sandwich to eat on the return journey on the bus.

Fragglewump Mon 31-Mar-14 17:57:10

I would have eaten a sandwich on the bus back to the office.

BeverleyMoss Mon 31-Mar-14 18:06:41

Yes he was a bit childish, but I think I would have been a bit miffed to have chuffed around from place to place when I wanted to eat!

Maybe a bit of just in case sandwich planning would have been good with such tight time, but hindsight eh?

Don't dwell on it, no big deal really, and lovely that you got to see DSD.

saulaboutme Mon 31-Mar-14 18:12:16

I think yab abit unreasonable. It sounds like you could have avoided that situation. Maybe have a brought a sandwich from home today? Or picked one up on the way to work as there were going to be time constraints?
Instead everyone got dragged from one place to another because of your lunch.
However dss should be more respectful at his age. Why didn't he run and get you a sandwich while you have a quick catch up with dsd?

Hopefully you'll be one step ahead next time.

Nottalotta Mon 31-Mar-14 18:14:02

It certainly sounds like he was rude. I think a bit more planning would have helped given your time constraints - i often meet family fir lunch and they (who don't work) goto wetherspoons place the order so i can just swan in and eat! And have a chat afterwards, there is sometimes a bit of a wait for food so it helps not to have to worry about time running over.

steff13 Mon 31-Mar-14 18:20:45

I don't think you are unreasonable, he was rude.

Trifle Mon 31-Mar-14 18:24:27

What a load of fuss about a bloody sandwich, going here, there and everywhere. I can't believe you made 4 people traipse around you to end up back in the same place and being no further on.

If I was your dss I'd be bloody annoyed too.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 31-Mar-14 18:28:23

I agree trifle.

SelectAUserName Mon 31-Mar-14 18:29:14

I don't like eating on public transport - I have EDS, an element of which is dyspraxia so I have a tendency to drop things at the best of times, and trying to eat on a moving bus would have guaranteed that I'd have ended up with food on my clothes, which isn't the professional image I wanted to give at the meeting. Plus it's not very pleasant for anyone close by, is it?

TBH I thought I had planned ahead up to a point - my original plans were with my DSD, who knew I needed to grab a quick lunch to avoid going through the afternoon at work on an empty stomach, and who had no problem with that. Perhaps unfortunate that out of the three or four places they could have gone for their initial drink, they picked the one place that didn't serve food?

steff13 Mon 31-Mar-14 18:31:40

I guess I misread; it was my understanding that the SS is the one who didn't want to eat at the sandwich place, thus necessitating the trip to Wetherspoons, a place which was unable to accomodate the OP's time constraints, and leading them back to the sandwich place.

If that's the case, the SS could have just graciously accepted that the OP had to get back to work, and ordered a sandwich at the first place. The traipsing all over was his doing, not the OP's.

SelectAUserName Mon 31-Mar-14 18:34:14

Trifle we didn't end up where we started.

Pub 1 - no food
Pub 2 - basic food; I was happy to eat here, DSS didn't want to, we moved on to suit him
Pub 3 - Wetherspoons. Food acceptable to DSS, who wasn't on any kind of clock, but wouldn't have been served in time for me, the one who actually needed to eat by a certain time. So back to Pub 2 even though I offered, perfectly pleasantly, to leave them to it at Pub 3 and go back to Pub 2 alone.

babybythesea Mon 31-Mar-14 18:38:09

Actually, I think he, not you, WBU.
He turned his nose up at the first lot of food. So the first traipsing on was his fault, not yours. The second traipsing on, well, you offered to let them stay and DSD and DH elected not to, but you gave everyone the choice. So it's hardly as though you are dictating to them.

I wouldn't miss a meal. I get bad migraines if I skip food, really not good just before a work meeting. I wouldn't have brought stuff from home necessarily though, if I was expecting lunch out with someone who knew I was under time constraints.
He joined the party after fairly tight time limitations had already been discussed. His problem, not yours. If two people put in place an arrangement, you don't join in and then get pissy when it doesn't suit you.

whomadeyougod Mon 31-Mar-14 18:39:35

jesus christ what a drama , could you not of just got a sandwich on the way back , id be pissed off too if i was him , walking back and forwards ordering , cancelling ordering again .

SelectAUserName Mon 31-Mar-14 18:41:08

Thank you baby, my thoughts exactly!

steff13 Mon 31-Mar-14 18:46:24

jesus christ what a drama , could you not of just got a sandwich on the way back , id be pissed off too if i was him , walking back and forwards ordering , cancelling ordering again.

Then perhaps he should have just conceded to eat at the sandwich place. He knew the OP had issuse with time and needed to eat quickly, the sandwich place may not have been his preference, but so what? Everyone else in the party was fine with it.

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:46:49

If I'm honest, you seemed to have been making a fuss about missing lunch. If you're one of those people who needs a full meal for lunch, you shouldn't have agreed to these plans.

You did rather drag them from place to place. This was one of those occasions in which the actual meeting was more important than the food. I'm a little surprised at your saying to your dsd that you couldn't go back to work on an empty stomach, that seems a little dramatic. Could you not have had a granola bar or two in your purse to eat on the bus? Sometimes when I've got a lunch meeting or other lunch event without confirmed food I'll eat a couple of energy bars beforehand just in case.

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:50:59

But to be fair, my husband is retired too and sometimes I get annoyed when he and his other retired friends make plans around my work like, "Matilda gets a whole hour for lunch break so she can take two trains and join us for lunch!" or "Matilda works until 4:59 so she can get the 5:04 train on Friday afternoon and join us all up in Scotland!" No, that's too rushed!

Nanny0gg Mon 31-Mar-14 18:53:04


You had made arrangements. He changed them and you were the one inconvenienced.

He was rude and needs to get over himself.

(And please people, read the OP's posts even if you can't be bothered to read the whole thread. She explained why she didn't wan to eat on the bus.)

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:54:20

Yeah but granola bars are made for eating on the bus! How do you spill a granola bar?

steff13 Mon 31-Mar-14 18:54:35

This was one of those occasions in which the actual meeting was more important than the food.

This would be good advice for the SS, rather than the OP. Really, why should the OP have to miss lunch because he didn't like what was available at the most convenient place?

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:54:44

Although I'd probably manage to do that.

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