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about drugs and a daytime party?

(33 Posts)
JustSayNoKids Mon 31-Mar-14 17:28:53

I've NC for this as a few RL friends are on mn. Sorry it's long but don't want to drip-feed.

A dear friend has a new-ish boyfriend. They've been together about seven months and she has told me that she is serious about him. She seems very happy. All great, really pleased for her.

Last Saturday she had a birthday party. She has a mix of friends with and without children so she chose a child-friendly pub and invited those of us with DC to come earlier on, with the intention of carrying on into the evening for those who wish. We went with our 8mo DD.

We hadn't met new bf before but he seemed like a nice guy. After a couple of hours he disappeared with a couple of his friends and then reappeared. He seemed a bit quieter then before but we didn't really speak much to him, he stayed in a corner with said friends. We left soon after and the party carried on.

Then on Saturday, friend and I met up and talked about the party. She asked if I thought her bf was behaving oddly and said that she'd been cross with him because he and his friends had taken acid.

Now, I think I have a reasonably liberal attitude to drugs. It's not for me but if consenting adults make an informed decision to take them then I honestly don't care, or think that it's any of my business. However, I don't want my DC to be around drug-taking, however discreet. I don't want her to grow up in a setting where social drug-taking is normalised, in the same way that I don’t want her to see excessive drinking as normal. I told friend that I would have liked to know about the acid so that DH and I could have made a decision about whether or not we wanted to stay. We would probably have taken our leave, quite cheerily and with no mention of why, and we would have done the same if anyone had been very drunk. I said that if the situation recurred I'd appreciate a discreet tip-off.

She refused, saying that I was totally overreacting and that this would be an invasion of her bf's privacy, and telling me that I had double standards when it was a party in a pub where almost everyone, including DH and me, was drinking alcohol to some extent. She told me that I needed to 'lighten up' and relax my stance on drugs.

I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable (but then nobody ever does…) and this really would be a non-issue had the daytime part of the party not been specifically planned and communicated to us as child-friendly. We haven’t really fallen out over this, just agreed to disagree, and I don’t see our friendship ending over it but I would appreciate some other perspectives, as she has made me feel that my attitude to drugs is positively Victorian. AIBU??

fluffyraggies Mon 31-Mar-14 17:31:39

YANBU

Perfectly sensible attitude IMO.

HighwayRat Mon 31-Mar-14 17:31:49

a spliff I'd have said yabu but acid shock shock shock shock no way!!

Coldlightofday Mon 31-Mar-14 17:34:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl Mon 31-Mar-14 17:35:22

I don't think your friend was obliged to tell you that her bf had taken drugs, but I don't think your attitude to drugs is anything other than what it should be.

Coldlightofday Mon 31-Mar-14 17:35:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MichaelFinnigan Mon 31-Mar-14 17:39:26

Yanbu. But how very odd to take acid in a pub. At a party. With kids. V v odd

NeoFaust Mon 31-Mar-14 17:39:58

A bit rude, if there are kids present. I've tripped my balls off at day time parties but I wouldn't do it around children.

maras2 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:48:43

ACID ? Who the hell does this at a kids party ? FFS who does this shit at all ? Wanker.

BackforGood Mon 31-Mar-14 17:51:33

I don't think I have as relaxed an attitude to drugs as many on here, but if you didn't know that they had taken drugs until it came up in conversation a week later, then I'm not sure why you are so up in arms about it - if no-one knew, then it clearly couldn't have affected them that much.

nickymanchester Mon 31-Mar-14 19:23:34

As others have said, totally the right thing to do.

What people do on their own in the privacy of their own home is up to them. Anything they choose to do around me or my family is my concern as well.

However, I don't want my DC to be around drug-taking, however discreet. I don't want her to grow up in a setting where social drug-taking is normalised

I totally agree with this sentiment.

GreenLandsOfHome Mon 31-Mar-14 19:31:12

I think yabu.

If you didn't even know he'd taken drugs until you were told then it's hardly bringing your dc up in an environment where drugs are 'normalised' is it?

phonebox Mon 31-Mar-14 19:40:15

YANBU

She chose a child-friendly pub, so is being a hypocrite in her attitude about drug-taking around children.

Doingakatereddy Mon 31-Mar-14 19:40:30

Acid?? At a pub on his girlfriends birthday - totally ridiculous.

It's a hard drug to be on & on occasion not a lot of fun even if you're experienced.

He sounds like a twat & it's totally bloody different from a glass of wine. These stupid comparisons do no one any favours

Brittabot Mon 31-Mar-14 19:41:27

YANBU.
Why would anyone want to take acid at a daytime party with kids around, sounds nightmarish!
I would be very judgey of someone who took acid around my children.

CSIJanner Mon 31-Mar-14 19:47:27

YANBU

Acid isn't a secret spiff on the side. It doesn't compare to having a drink - it's a class a drug which means, if caught, up to 7 years. She argued with him for taking in a pub at her party which she tried to make child friendly with the location. You've made it clear you would have left if someone was drunk so its not double standards.

He's lucky he didn't get caught or get a bad trip.

Timetoask Mon 31-Mar-14 19:50:18

Your friend is going down a very slippery slope going out with someone who is clearly addicted to drugs if he cannot stop himself in a child friendly pub. He is bad company and I would stay well away from them.

TheScience Mon 31-Mar-14 19:52:08

Yabu

You don't need to know exactly who has taken what to be able to leave if you are uncomfortable with anyone's behaviour. You didn't even notice this bloke had taken anything so seems like a non-issue to me - it had zero effect on you or your child.

UncleT Mon 31-Mar-14 20:01:37

Sorry Time - if there's one drug that really isn't addictive, it's acid. Whether or not he might use other drugs is of course a different question.

Plateofcrumbs Mon 31-Mar-14 20:05:14

Whilst I think you were a bit U to want a special discrete tip-off (just for you? What about other people with DCs?) - what right-minded person takes acid in a pub in the afternoon with kids running around? Just wrong

Bedsheets4knickers Mon 31-Mar-14 20:07:15

Acid bloody hell, pretty hard core for daytime use. I was expecting you to say he'd had a spliff or something but acid . She should run for the hills and he needs to grow up!!!

InAGrump Mon 31-Mar-14 20:10:36

Yanbu, you sound very reasonable in your whole post!

JustSayNoKids Mon 31-Mar-14 20:22:32

Thanks very much for the input. I absolutely accept that had she not told me about the acid, I never would have known, and that it therefore didn't have any direct impact on me or DD. I think it's more the case that if this bf is going to be around for a while (and I think he will be) then I needed to make my position clear now so that DFriend is aware if the situation recurs.

I honestly don't expect a discreet tip-off just for me and my speshul PFB but you make a good point, crumbs, and I'm wondering now how this would work - some kind of semaphore between the parents...!

UncleT Mon 31-Mar-14 20:24:49

Sorry Time - if there's one drug that really isn't addictive, it's acid. Whether or not he might use other drugs is of course a different question.

UncleT Mon 31-Mar-14 20:25:23

Apologies for accidental double post.

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