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to be annoyed with this letter from conservative counsillor?

(42 Posts)
Stropzilla Mon 31-Mar-14 17:24:12

Apologies for typos, on my phone. Had a hand delivered letter today from our local mp. Addressed to mr & mrs husbands initials and surname. Inside 2 letters, one for him the other correctly addressed to me. Would it have been so hard to not assume I want to be addressed by my husbands name? Or mr husband name and Mrs my name? The letter asked me for my opinions and wanted me to send the survey back. Not likely since it has my full name and address stamped on the front!

AIbu or just being touchy today? I'm asking before I send the survey back unfilled with a note explaining why...

ineedabodytransplant Mon 31-Mar-14 17:28:11

And do you really think they care?????

BackforGood Mon 31-Mar-14 17:29:37

Touchy, IMO.
However, this question comes up on here every few weeks, and there are others that think the same as you.
Pesonally, if you choose to go against convention, then you can expect people to not have guessed that, and therefore, in your eyes, get the way they address you wrong, but I'm not sure how people sending out a mailshot to all residents would know that.

LordPalmerston Mon 31-Mar-14 17:30:36





BellBookandCandle Mon 31-Mar-14 17:34:44

Are your knickers in a twist because it is a Conservative MP? I am presuming so as you have specifically mentioned their politics.

The envelope is correctly addressed - tis old fashioned but it is as etiquette dictates. The survey form is in your name as they are interested in your opinions. Returning it without completing it with a covering note is entirely your choice, but then you have no grounds for complaining that your MP doesn't listen to their constituents or isn't representing constituency opinions/issues.

Nocomet Mon 31-Mar-14 17:35:44

Unfortunately this infuriating patronizing, convention of calling us Mrs John Smith unless we are divorced is still considered the correct and polite form of address.

I hate it, but I'm don't think there is a central etiquette body we can lobby to get it changed.

Stropzilla Mon 31-Mar-14 17:38:29

Yeah fair enough. Just bugged me.

Grennie Mon 31-Mar-14 17:42:43

It just shows how stuck in the past the Conservative part is.

HowContraryMary Mon 31-Mar-14 17:46:06

Inside 2 letters, one for him the other correctly addressed to me

ok you lost me ... what is wrong with a correctly addressed letter?

HowContraryMary Mon 31-Mar-14 17:46:34

Laughing - no one read your Op apart from me!

BrownSauceSandwich Mon 31-Mar-14 17:48:24

Assuming they harvest your details from the electoral register, why would they assume you're married at all? Why even assume you're in a relationship with one another? And if you had the same surname, you might be brother and sister, or it might be coincidence. And let's face it, it's none of their fucking business. And while I know it would annoy me less if it was almost any other political party, we got one from Labour this week addressed to the correct, and different, names.

And before yet more people drone on about how it's "correct" or "polite" to address wives as appendages of their husbands, NO, IT ISN'T! What's correct and polite is to address people by their actual names, whatever they happen to be.

HappyAgainOneDay Mon 31-Mar-14 17:51:09

I had a similar letter from my Conservative MP (I'm alone though), asking me to complete a survey / questionnaire. Questions included: For what party did I vote last time and for what party will I vote next time. I don't vote for a party; I vote for the person.

I chose to write another party in each box because I don't want him. If I were you, if there's a box for Comments, put your views about how you were addressed. It got your back up.

Grennie Mon 31-Mar-14 17:52:00

Look the Conservative Party is a bastion of sexism and is stuck in the past. Of course they are going to treat you as if you are merely an appendage to your male partner. At least they are telling you clealy what they think.

flaquark Mon 31-Mar-14 17:58:43

It would have put my back up as well - actually it would have made me angry.
It may still be technically correct but I hate it and it is so outdated and reduces a woman to beings a mans add on. Send it back to them saying about how it was addressed
Will say though I hate hit when im referrred to as Mrs DH in any capacity.

StarGazeyPond Mon 31-Mar-14 18:01:15

Oh dear, another First World problem of immense proportions and significance.

Stropzilla Mon 31-Mar-14 18:01:36

Not just me then! I mentioned the party only because I would have whoever had sent it. And the tone of the survey was nothing more than fishing for finding out who voted for which parties. I find that private, honestly.

Grennie Mon 31-Mar-14 18:06:00

StarGazey - Yep misogyny is actually a serious issue.

Stropzilla Mon 31-Mar-14 18:09:59

First world problem? Definitely. I'm fortunate enough that all my problems are. That doesn't mean I shouldn't stop trying to fix them though!

Kundry Mon 31-Mar-14 18:18:36

It would put my back up - they found you from the electoral roll so they know your actual name, it was frankly more effort for them to make up a name that wasn't yours than to put the name from the roll.

I'd be tempted to reply making points about not voting for people with antiquated ideas. There is no central etiquette police, etiquette is as we create it - if enough people want change, eventually it will happen.

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:26:47

Get this:

I opened the door one night to some labour campaigners. They were in a little cluster, obviously finishing up our street. I knew one of the women in the group and we got chatting. My husband came up to the vestibule when he heard the hubub.

The actual candidate then made it to my door. He gave a big cheesy grin and REACHED PAST ME to shake my husband's hand. I actually had to lean out of the way.

I said, "Wow," and the candidate looked startled and started talking to me. I turned my back on him and went back inside.

matildasquared Mon 31-Mar-14 18:30:29

If you've given them your name and they've deliberately got it wrong, of course it's rude. It's either done out of thoughtlessness or out of passive-aggression (I sometimes get people who act like they've never in their whole natural life heard of "Ms.")

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Mon 31-Mar-14 18:46:01

Well, it won't have been the counsellor who hand-wrote the address, it'll be a party volunteer. Who was stuck in the past. grin

I have done these for a more right-on party, and they have pretty comprehensive guidelines about how to address different household groups.
I mean, you couldn't tell from the electoral register whether your DH was living with his mum, for example, it would be pretty weird to address them as Mr and Mrs D.H.Name. Not to mention all that wacky femist stuff.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Mon 31-Mar-14 18:50:04

femist grin. Er, new air freshener, smells of hairy armpits, power tools, and freedom.

Tesseracter Mon 31-Mar-14 19:46:19

Not unreasonable. Due to poor health my DB lives with my DM. It's her house, she pays the bills etc. Receiving post addressed to Mr and Mrs Surname infuriates her. The local council have been particular offenders, even after she complained.

Actually it is more than infuriating, she finds it quite unsettling. My DB is her son, not her husband.

MostWicked Mon 31-Mar-14 21:34:09

Positively pre-historic approach.
If someone wants to write to me, then they can address it to my name.
Can't say I'd lose any sleep over it, simply because there are bigger things to deal with, but I do find it rude and out of date.

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