To be upset that my son has come home with a burst lip from nursery

[fireandblood]

dh picks up ds 4 from nursery on a Monday as I work nightshift on Sundays.

Today he left at 3.00 to pick him up at 3.10. Outside the nursery he recieved a call that he had to answer so he was late getting ds by about 7 min.

He walked up to the door apoligised to nursery worker and collected ds at door ready with jacket on.

When he got in car realised ds has burst lip. Ds has told us that he and his teacher (the main nursery teacher, it is joined on to a school) where playing with a tyre throwing it back and forth she threw too hard and she knocked him over by accident but she forgot to say sorry.

I asked him if she checked him and he said she did see his lip and asked him if he was ok, but didn't say sorry she must have forgot this was ds's words.

Now I realise dh was slightly late which is not a habit whatsoever and they may have been rushing to get him out and get home and forgot to mention this but his lip is actually bleeding and very noticeable

But I am just feel really upset/cross and sorry for ds.

I am upset that his teacher failed to apoligise to him this is not setting great example regarding manners.

I am upset that they did not put this in the accident book, notify me or get me to sign the book.

I have tried to phone and told they were on a call by school reception so dreading bringing it up tomorrow

Am I being ridiculous to be so upset?wwyd?

[Burren]

I'm not sure why the fact that your son says she didn't apologise is what's concerning you. I would be far more concerned that the teacher didn't bring it up with your husband, who must have arrived shortly after the incident...? (But why on earth didn't he notice a bleeding lip?) Of course you're not ridiculous to be upset, though - a teacher, even accidentally, inflicting a split lip on a child is upsetting, and it doesn't sound as if it was properly dealt with at the time.

[Ronmione]

Tbh I would be really pissed of at dh for being late. Why did he feel the need to answer the phone. Why is his time more important than a nursery teacher. Maybe they have to be somewhere else. Your dh could have called the person back later on.

In regard to lip, I'd be a bit cross that I wasn't told, but under the circumstances I would just ask what happened tomorrow.

[scaredoflabour]

YANBU as they should have discussed it with you and put it in the accident book. I also think you are right that she should have apologised to your ds.

I wouldn't let it stress you out/ upset you though. I'm sure your ds will be fine and accidents do happen. Just mention it and see what they have to say for themselves tomorrow.

[Morgause]

Maybe there was someone there ready to discuss it at home time but there was no one there to discuss it with and they had to be elsewhere.

I hope it's explained properly tomorrow but your DH really shouldn't have taken that phone call. Very rude.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

How do you know it isn't in the accident book, and you don't have to sign the book; and you weren't even there to sign it.

[Funnyfoot]

YANBU to be upset but I wouldn't go to the school all guns blazing re teacher not apologising.
Just go in ask about his fat lip and see what they say. Then just inform them that in future you would like to be notified about any minor accidents at the end of the school day and ask to see the accident book.

[WooWooOwl]

YANBU to be upset that your child was hurt, that's natural.

I woudont automatically believe that the staff member didn't say sorry though, with most adults the word slips out automatically on realising they have done something wrong, and it could well be that she said sorry immediately when your ds was still in shock. Just because she didn't say sorry in the way he is used to his peers saying sorry doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't.

They should have recorded it in the accident book though, and your DH should have signed it. If it's not done tomorrow it's worth pulling them up on ot, but I'd let it go for today because your DH was late.

[adsy]

How come your DH didn't notice the bleeding lip? And how come he answered the phone knowing he would be late?

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

Yes the nursery worker should have mentioned the lip, but with your DH being late she may have forgotten to mention it / or she didn't know as it was not the same teacher who witnessed the injury (she may have had to leave before your DH got there).
At DS nursery you only get a notification in writing if it is a head injury. All other injuries / issues are mentioned at pick up time, verbally, no signing of books.
Ask tomorrow what happened, but I would not go in accusing them of anything yet. Maybe the teacher did say sorry but your son didn't hear it? Maybe in the shock she was too busy comforting him (you said she had asked if his lip was ok - so she did show him concern and compassion there) and forgot to say sorry?
I think the issue is that they didn't inform your DH at pick up time, but they may have done had he been there on time.

[NewtRipley]

Of course it is upsetting when your child is injured, but really, you can't always trust what a 3 year old says.

You are justified in annoyance about the accident book etc.

You DH sounds flaky

[fireandblood]

Thanks for replies.

Never been late at pick up before. This was a one off dh had been awaiting news regarding a close relative and tbh I am not going to have a go at him for that he would not have picked up unless it was an emergency situation.

I understand nursery may be annoyed by this but could have at least made him aware. He didn't notice til got in car unfortunately.

I believe ds he would not lie but I understand his version of events may differ from a grown ups.

Have calmed down spoke to friend with children at nursery for advice, will just question tomorrow afternoon at drop off and explain not happy with regards to dh not advised at pick up and usually for skint knees I have to sign the book and this is a bit more worthy of accident book/letter.

Thanks for all advice

[RiverTam]

speak to the nursery tomorrow about it - your DS may have got things muddled, it could easily be in the accident book but in the rush they didn't tell DH - or they might be crap, in which case you do need to have a word.

But - your DH needs to not answer his phone resulting in being late to pick his DS up, and be perhaps a little more observant?!!

[fireandblood]

btw I also trust the teacher didn't do this on purpose, I know that, ds has said it was an accident. Just more annoyed at way handled.

Hopefully situation becomes clear tomorrow

[Unexpected]

Your 4 year old was playing by throwing a tyre back and forth with a teacher? A tyre which was heavy enough to knock him over when it hit him? What kind of tyre?!

[BookABooSue]

YANBU to be upset that your ds was injured and they didn't inform you. In ds' nursery all incidents are logged and you have to sign to say you've been informed, that's regardless of whether the injury was caused by another dc or just your own dc falling over. tbh I'd be concerned that they hadn't logged it because the injury was caused by a member of staff.

However I'd simply say tomorrow that dh didn't sign the accident report so you want to do so, that gives them the opportunity to go through the log with you. If there isn't a log then I would be asking them to clarify their accident book procedure just so you are clear on when you can expect to be informed.

I'm a bit confused why everyone is obsessing about your dh answering a call. It's not ideal that he was late but there could have been an accident or any one of umpteen reasons why a parent is late, it doesn't absolve the nursery of responsibility for following reporting procedures.
I'd be more bemused at the fact he didn't notice a burst lip. Unless the lip had only started to swell and it was worse by the time your dc reached home.

[kategod]

YANBU in my opinion; not only should it have been entered in the accident book but at my daughters' nursery (and at primary school) I was always given a piece of paper detailing such injuries, and the teacher would personally come and explain what had happened. Not sure I'd be concerned that she hadn't apologised as you don't really know the circumstances - but if your child has been struck in the face by a tyre, to the extent that it knocked him over, I certainly think that warranted some explanation. Not sure I would make a big thing of it as obviously it was an accident but I'd certainly make them aware that I knew what had happened.

[fireandblood]

Thank you bookaboosue, I think I will do exactly what your middle paragraph says.

Not sure Unexpected sure they have tyres in playground he is a big 4 year old nearly 5. My neighbour said she seen them out playing with tyres when doing school pick up (they get out before nursery) but didnt mention what kind.

ds has lovely pouty lips its more a cut than swelling and his lips are nice and rosy so he probably didnt notice til putting him in car seat to put seatbelt on.

I have taken a photo anyway not sure Ill need it.

[SolomanDaisy]

It can't have been very bad if your husband didn't notice straight away. Do they really have to write every tiny accident in a book? Genuine question, as I'm not in the UK and I don't think there is such a thing as an accident book. DS came home spattered in blood last week and I got nothing more than a quick mention of him riding a bike into a wall. God knows where the blood came from. He told me, but there were no marks there. If he told me a teacher had thrown a tire at him I'd assume his interpretation was a bit off!

[Ronmione]

Maybe when the teacher checked his lip there wasn't anything to see and the swelling has got worse through the day, if your dh didn't notice it till he got in the car it's possible that there wasn't much to notice when it happened

[fireandblood]

it wasn't horrendous no but it was cut and bloody more to inside. His dad would have noticed had he been putting his jacket on but he didn't have to as he was let out door and I imagine they ran to car then he noticed when putting him in car.

I know they knew about it though now as I asked him just casually after bath what happened after he hurt his lip and he said they put ice pack on it so suppose at least they treated it. He also said he had been crying.

Him a couple of other boys and the teacher where playing with Tyre passing it to each other and he said she done it too hard by accident it knocked him over and he hit his lip of a blue block.

[Nevertell]

Of course it should be in the accident book.
Check in the morning.

Accidents do happen in nursery. I have trodden on fingers before.

[Nevertell]

I was going to say, perhaps the adult said 'oh my goodness, poor little fireandblood, are you okay darling?' Etc etc. so to him, well, she didn't say 'sorry'.

[fireandblood]

Yeah maybe can't imagine her saying that from past experience but hopefully that was the reaction.

I'm just going to ask.what happened tomorrow and why I wasn't informed usually they would give me.note to take home given one for less.

Thanks again for all advice much appreciated.

[BookABooSue]

Solomon yes, at dc's nursery, every little accident is written down and we have to sign to say we have read it. In fact it's not just accidents. It's also 'incidents' so if dc misbehaves but no-one is hurt (eg writing on a wall) then it goes in the book and we have to sign it. I guess it's a liability issue but it can feel like it blows everything out of proportion depending on how it is managed.