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to consider selling up so that I don't have to work my children's childhoods away?

(44 Posts)
KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 19:18:16

I feel like I'm working hours and hours every week (PT with extra jobs takes me to about 0.8 plus more in my own time to keep up). DM is ill and MIL is unwilling, so I have no help with childcare, then there's the household stuff including hours of fucking laundry every weekend. DH absolutely pulls his weight but the DCs are bad sleepers so we lose hours to that. I also commute 1hr 40 a day which eats into my family time. Locally the picture in my field is redundancies, so there is very little likelihood of finding a job here. We hoped that by moving here it would ease childcare pressures a bit but MIL having had a change of heart, that hasn't happened. I know I sound bitter I am but I do recognise that this is our problem, not hers. We're unable to work out a way of taking her out of the equation re the small amount she does now because of the childcare situation in our rural area, but really we need to.

Even though we've not long moved and would incur a penalty on our mortgage, estate agent and solicitor's fees and already have a modest debt because we had to replace a car last year, I'm sorely tempted to sell up and rent. That way, even though we couldn't afford for me to leave my employed work, I could perhaps ease off on the extra things and move somewhere with a shorter commute. I would be moving further away from my beloved DM but I am actually seeing her less now than before as I simply don't have the time. Most importantly, I could spend more time with my DCs before they really start to grow up.

We would end up in about £15k of debt, which would take us a couple of years (at least) to pay off. WWYD?

TuttiFrutti Sun 30-Mar-14 19:25:40

When I'd only read your title, I was going to say no, YANBU, of course it would be a valid decision to sell the house and downsize if it means less financial pressure and more time with your children.

However, what you are proposing would lead to more financial pressure, and therefore long term stress. I wouldn't do it. How old are your dcs?

Creamycoolerwithcream Sun 30-Mar-14 19:50:20

Do you think part of the problem is you have over stretched yourselves on the mortgage?

DoreensEatingHerSoreen Sun 30-Mar-14 20:01:41

How old are your DCs OP? How long until they are both in school?

rubyslippers Sun 30-Mar-14 20:10:26

you would be adding to debt - that can't be the solution

commuting is shit - i did a 2.5 hour commute (1.5 hours there and around an 1 hour back) for years - that was what screwed me

Breaking it down i would sort the sleep issues, look at a career change rather what you are suggesting

i wouldn't sell up - it will be hard IMO to get back on the ladder if prices are on the up again and if you have £15k of debt then it will be even harder

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:10:30

Another two years til they are both in school. Any mortgage was an overstretch because we started out in 2006 with one of the notorious 100% mortgages and haven't been able to recover from it. I know. Stupid us.

It would mean that there was still financial pressure but that would be on paying back a debt rather than servicing the interest on a mortgage. Assuming nothing improves for us financially in two years and we still needed to move to find work, the penalty would be the extra debt owed. Everything else (fees) we would have to repay when we sell anyway.

The house needs decorating and rewiring if we stay. If we just give up now, I would hope that we can just sell it for what we bought it for, as it is.

rubyslippers Sun 30-Mar-14 20:11:40

can you get one FT job rather than juggling part time roles?

that cannot be helping your stress levels

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:13:16

I've looked at every career change option I can think of. I'm a teacher so a relatively high earner for the area. I can't see anything local that pays better than £18k p/a which means I would be working more hours for less money. And I don't have the necessary experience.

This was a very bad move.

I think I would have to resign myself to getting off the ladder and staying off.

rubyslippers Sun 30-Mar-14 20:14:35

sounds like a toughie

what can your DH do??

is there any give in what he does?

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:14:48

I am trying with the FT but am considered expensive. There are precious few jobs around and having spoken recently with a local HT, if he had anything available he would be looking for a cheaper NQT. Incredibly shouty sighted but that is the nature of the economy here.

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:15:06

Short, obvs!

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:16:37

DH is stuck in a generic middle management role with no scope for promotion. He is working towards self employed stuff but we're struggling for time and I suspect it won't pay much.

Ecclefechan Sun 30-Mar-14 20:31:28

Could you scrape together (borrow maybe) the money to get your house re-wired so that you could let it out? The rent could cover the mortgage and you could rent a property nearer work?

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 20:42:21

I had it valued last week and it's rental value is the same as the interest on the mortgage. With management fees and landlord's insurance we would be losing, and when interest rates go up we'd be worse off. Rents here ate very about 65-70% of what they are closer to where I work.

Sorry. I know I sound like a negative old whingebag but I am struggling with really difficult family circumstances (DM I'll; DCs' sleep; childcare problems) even before our financial and work issues. I'm so fed up with pushing for a solution and making things worse.

Creamycoolerwithcream Sun 30-Mar-14 20:52:33

Things sound very tough for you, sending big hugs thanks

AwfulMaureen Sun 30-Mar-14 20:59:16

Listen...as a long term renter with a family I would say NO WAY. You have a secure home. Renting is AWFUL. It's so insecure.

You settle in to a house...make it a home...then the Landlord pops up and says "Oh I'm selling...you have two months notice."

And that's it. You're out. Only to be in the exact same position again. It's frigging terrible and I would give almost anything to have a mortgage and a home of my own. Find a way to make more money.

Booville3 Sun 30-Mar-14 21:00:14

A relative of mine has just given up her job as a pt teacher for similar reasons, dc's not sleeping, feeling like she was working to pay childcare & to pay the fuel to commute she now works evenings in a bar/ restaurants when her DH is home to have the kids, they have gone down to one car & she says she has never been happier & with the consistency of her always being around through the daytime (maybe coincidence!) the dc's are sleeping much better!!

I however (albeit different circumstances as financially steady/ great childminder etc) could not give up my career that I love & have worked hard for, I only work pt but I know I would be a terrible SAHM!

nkf Sun 30-Mar-14 21:03:26

I wouldn't do it. The chlidren will sleep better soon. Maybe not soon enough, but that day will come. Hang in there.

TypicaLibra Sun 30-Mar-14 21:03:39

If it's say 3 bedroomed and you have 2 kids could you maybe put them in the same room and let out the spare to a lodger for a couple of years just till your finances ease up? Just a thought ...

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 21:04:56

AwfulMaureen, that's my fear sad. However we're paying interest only and don't feel very secure.

Joysmum Sun 30-Mar-14 21:10:40

Why would you want to pay management fees?

When I started out I just paid finders fees to the agents to set up the tenancybut have always managed my properties myself.

What does 'managing' the property actually entail? Ensuring rent is paid (automatically goes into the bank), twice a year property inspection, annual gas safety cert arrangement, being on the end of a phone for tenants to call if there is a problem and then call a trades person to sort it. That's a doddle and not worth paying management fees for.

pandarific Sun 30-Mar-14 21:17:01

You poor thing. sad Just a small idea, but could you sell some bits clothes you don't wear/bits and bobs on ebay and put into a kitty purely for household stuff you could farm out? Say you made 20 quid on ebay, use that 20 quid to send out some laundry? Tiny thing, but might help.

AwfulMaureen Sun 30-Mar-14 21:39:35

KeepCalm you're a darn sight more secure than me at the moment!

We're emigrating....we can't make it here. No chance.

KeepCalmAndLOLKittens Sun 30-Mar-14 22:24:16

I don't know whether to say good luck or what a shame! I do really wonder how people on genuinely low incomes manage, especially given that there are no WTCs beyond £26k any more. With rents upwards of £700, council tax and energy bills on top of that, it simply doesn't add up. Bonkers.

Rupertandfifi Sun 30-Mar-14 22:29:46

Is there any scope / time for you to tutor?

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