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AIBU or is this what I have to get used to?

(65 Posts)
CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 10:32:32

It's a mother's day moan. My dc are 13 and 11. They've bought me nothing, that's fine. Dh bought me my card and chocolates. Dd has made me a card - lovely.
Ds signed his name on the card - no message, just his name.
Both children ignored requests from dh to make me breakfast, to do some chores like dishwasher and wiping kitchen surfaces.
Dd eventually put porridge in the microwave for me then went back to bed.
Ds is on the xbox.
Dh has told them both off for being lazy.
Happy mother's day to me.

Jinty64 Sun 30-Mar-14 10:44:04

My teenagers got me a card and ds3 (7) made me something at beavers. I did hint to dh that a cup of tea in bed would be nice but it fell on deaf ears. This is the norm here. I'm taking ds3 swimming at the gym later I might treat us to lunch afterwards! Ds1 has gone out with dh. Ds2 is doing his usual chores (for his allowance). Ds3 is playing Minecraft. It pisses me off but then I think of all the things I have to be grateful for and I let it go.

Why don't you go somewhere for you and come back at tea time.

CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 10:48:46

Thanks, Jinty. I have lots to be grateful for too, it's just the first year where both dc are not interested in doing/saying anything to make it a special day for me.
Dh did ask ds to make me a card last week, but he didn't bother. This is new. When you have to force someone to be nice, it rather defeats the object. Hey ho.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Mar-14 10:49:54

They don't sound very thoughtful or kind tbh.
It's not typical if that's what you mean.

Forgettable Sun 30-Mar-14 10:51:33

If it is any consolation Celia tis v much the same here

No suggestions that I need to run back up to bed, I made porridge for three, own cup of tea, the children are minecrafting, DH in bed.

I need to get a shimmy on, make picnic for faaaaaamily walk later.

Hey ho.

CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 10:52:20

No that's what hurts, they're not especially thoughtful. I thought maybe that's what happened as they get older, but I guess not.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Mar-14 10:52:23

Sorry , that reads way more harsh about them than i intended.
I mean I don't think you should have to put up with it.
Maybe, in a few days, talk to them about it?
I think mothers in particular keeping quite about feeling disappointed/sad is a bad idea. It makes children unintentionally disregard you.

Forgettable Sun 30-Mar-14 10:52:24

Feel a bit bleak acksherley! Not like me. Hmmm.

HowContraryMary Sun 30-Mar-14 10:55:24

Do 13 and 11 yo boys still want to sit down and make cards?

Really your DH should have organised them yesterday, taken them out to get cards and flowers.

In all seriousness, if this the usual pattern where they ignore you and refuse to do chores, then you're responsible for allowing yourself to be a doormat.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Mar-14 10:56:05

To look on the bright side..
DD bought me a necklace with 'no 1 mum' on it. It's proper jewellery.
It's ghastly

Can you imagine how often I am going to have to wear it and pretend I absoloutely love it?

slartybartfast Sun 30-Mar-14 10:56:35

i havent had breakfast in bed as per usual this year, or last year come to that.
i have a puppy now <<as well as three teens>> grin so I ahve to get up for her, and today dd did a paper round, so i had to wake her, and she did suggest i go back to bed, but i am mumsnetting and refusign to tidy up!

it is what you make it!

we are seeing my mum later.
some mothers of grown up children dont get anything!
some people no longer have mothers.
tis a bitter sweet day for some.

Cooroo Sun 30-Mar-14 10:59:16

I'm feeling same. DD(17) is at her dads but I know she hasn't even thought of MD. Have spoken to her on Facebook this am and she didn't mention it. It seems so petty but I spend so much of my life caring for her, thinking of her, trying to make sure everything goes right. Surely she would see all the advertising and think 'oh I must get mum a card of something'!

JonSnowsPout Sun 30-Mar-14 11:00:14

I got a mum ring last year Pag. I wear it on days out with the kids and special occasions, I lost a little weight and it no longer fit. Thoughtful buggers found little plastic tube on ebay that makes it fit again grin

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 30-Mar-14 11:00:55

Might get flamed, but don't they do these chores anyway? Perhaps you need to start teaching them to pull their weight so that a card is all you actually need rather than to expect them to suddenly spring into action just one day a year.

CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 11:03:56

They do the chores every day FunkyBoldRibena - they clean and tidy their rooms, take out recycling, lay and clear the table and empty and load the dishwasher as routine. We also expect them to help out when needed in addition to that. They do it but only because we enforce it.
Maybe that's the problem - they don't want to do things for me because they think they're hard done by and I'm a shit mother. Fuck, I'm hormonal today.

ScarletLady02 Sun 30-Mar-14 11:05:21

I got a "Mummy" teddy from DD (she is 3) and she has promptly appropriated it for herself and won't let me anywhere near it grin

Joules68 Sun 30-Mar-14 11:05:28

I got 3 Yankee candles and dd accompanied me on an early morning run.

She's 19. That meant more to me than any card or present.

slartybartfast Sun 30-Mar-14 11:05:33

can they cook for you today celia?

CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 11:06:29

They would if dh made them slarty but that's my point - there's no genuine thought behind it then so it's meaningless.

CeliaFate Sun 30-Mar-14 11:07:09

That's nice Joules but that's made me feel even more shit. It's not about getting me anything, it's about thinking of me.

slartybartfast Sun 30-Mar-14 11:07:34

dd just got up and asked why i wasnt haivng breakfast in bed? i said Yes Please, but tbh i dont want to go back to bed now. been up for 4 hours!

ilovesooty Sun 30-Mar-14 11:08:16

Sounds reasonable to me Funky

bruffin Sun 30-Mar-14 11:09:32

Mine are still in bed and havent surfaced yet.grin

KurriKurri Sun 30-Mar-14 11:10:41

IME (I have grown up children in their twenties) children are very enthusiastic about MD when they are little, then they go through that awkward 'mums are soppy' teenagery stage when the idea of displaying any kind of love is cringemaking and they are completely self absorbed, then they start being lovely again when they grow up - just look forward to future MDs when they will go back to being openly loving and will treat you to a meal out smile

Honestly - teenage brains are notoriously less empathetic and kind than those of younger children and adults, it's a physical developmental thing - they say and do all sorts of seemingly uncaring things, it is normal (not to say every teenager is like that, but it is very normal and it will pass)

ilovesooty Sun 30-Mar-14 11:11:44

X post. So they pull their weight normally and you're upset because they haven't put on some kind of extra show of their own accord?

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