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AIBU to be a bit cross with DH about Mother's Day card?

(43 Posts)
PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 21:49:54

9 yo has just gone to bed sobbing her heart out as she forgot to make me a Mother's Day card. Apparently she got a few bits together to do it with, but then forgot. Now, I know she has for me a little something at the shops today as she and he sister went on a little secret mission when they were out with me earlier. So she didn't totally forget- and I have told her what a thoughtful kind girl she is, and that people can do all kinds of things for Mother's Day- not necessarily a card.

AIBU to think that DH should have checked that the dds had got Mother's Day sorted, and maybe supervised it a bit, given that dd is very disorganised and needs a million reminders to do things like homework and music practise.

I just feel sad that dd was so upset and that she thinks she's let me down, as the card was an important thing for her.

And I feel cross that DH didn't get involved with it - not because I want a big fuss, but because I want the dds to feel that they have marked the occasion in a way that feels right to them, rather than feeling that they have fallen short ( not that I think that at all, but dd is feeling bad still).

I think DH helped her customise a note-let from the cupboard, but this is not ideal at 9.30 pm when she's crying her eyes out.

AIBU? I do so much organising for everyone's birthday, for Father's Day , Xmas...AIBU to expect DH could've supervised this? Or at 9 yo do you just leave them to it?

sooperdooper Sat 29-Mar-14 21:52:19

Why couldn't you tell her she can make you the card tomorrow?? I don't think it's fair to blame your DH

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Mar-14 21:52:35

9 years old is well old enough not to be supervised/reminded.

Why is she sobbing though? Surely she can make one in the morning?

DoJo Sat 29-Mar-14 21:57:13

If she had everything ready to do it and still managed to forget, then I'm not sure there's much more your husband could have done! I also don't understand why it warranted sobbing - can she not make it first thing in the morning?

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 21:59:26

Ok, I am probably being unfair. I think he probably assumed it had already being done, as there was a bit of secret activity going on upstairs at tea time.

I just felt so sad when I realised she had been so upset and just thought DH should've checked it was sorted, given how forgetful dd is.

SavoyCabbage Sat 29-Mar-14 22:01:16

I don't think it's your dh's fault at all. He probably thought she had it under control as she had made a start.

My dd (10) is a bit like this. I'm really trying to crack down on her understanding her very few responsibilities. Homework, reading diary, making her bed etc.

stoopstofolly Sat 29-Mar-14 22:01:36

I do understand how you feel. I have to "manage" my Mother's Day- not because I give a hoot, but because otherwise DC get upset. DH rubbish at things like this- basically I told him the name of a nail varnish I wanted, and told him to supervise card making while I was at the library. I don't do it because I'm fussed about Mother's Day- but otherwise the children always forget/ mess up and then get upset. 9 is too young to expect them to forward plan.... I'll be a bit perturbed if I'm still doing this when they're teenagers!
I don't blame DH- neither of us really give a fig about this sort of thing but Mother's Day is hard to avoid!

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:02:11

Dojo, in our house, we usually give presents/ cards at breakfast time, so she probably had a sense that it was too late. I'm not saying she couldn't have done it tomorrow, but she is 9 and in her little head, she felt like she'd let me down!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Mar-14 22:02:20

I thought she was much younger than 9, OP. She's not a little girl anymore really. Perhaps this upset will give her a nudge to get a little bit more organised in future. She still has time to make you a nice card.

zeezeek Sat 29-Mar-14 22:02:24

Or why don't you - as her mother - tell her that it really isn't important and not worth crying over? FFS!! It's dreadful that a young child should be so upset over something so unimportant.

HeyNonny Sat 29-Mar-14 22:04:40

Why can't she make you a cup of tea in the morning and whilst you're drinking it, make your card? You could get the appropriate stuff out and leave it ready on the table...

Don't blame your DH. Just enlist his help to sort it in the morning.

Notcontent Sat 29-Mar-14 22:06:46

I can understand what you are saying OP. My dd, who is a little younger, is a very intense and high strung child, and would be sobbing in that situation too.

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:11:43

Zeezeek. I did reassure her! I didn't know she was upset sobbing until after she had calmed down a but. So I suppose I was upset that dh hadn't managed to calm her a bit sooner.

Nonny, she is going to make me tea.

But as not content points out, some dc are sensitive and I just wished DH could some how have pre empted the upset.

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:12:17

'Upstairs sobbing'

WooWooOwl Sat 29-Mar-14 22:22:37

I hear where you're coming from. But there's still time to resolve it, make sure you allow time and space for the card to be made tomorrow, and make DH do what's needed.

A couple of Christmases ago I had to tell ex, and then remind him, that he had to coordinate ds getting me something specific. It was a little thing that cost less than £5, and was from a chain of shops so easy to get, but I knew ds really wanted to give it to me and would have been disappointed if he couldn't.

Of course I felt like a horrible grabby cow while I was effectively telling someone else that they must go shopping with our child and buy me this very specific thing, but ds was so pleased to give it that it was worth it.

Joules68 Sat 29-Mar-14 22:24:14

Your DH has helped her with a note!! What more do you expect? It's Mother's Day not Christmas!

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:24:26

Thanks woohoo. Glad you got it sorted! Tbh that's why I was miffed- I don't want to be involved in my own Mother's Day organisation!

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:25:52

Joules, I don't want any 'thing' I just wanted dd not to have been upset and for DH yo have preempted it. Was that not clear in my OP?!

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:26:14

'To have'

Joules68 Sat 29-Mar-14 22:27:49

But why would he need to pre empt it? Your dd has made it clear she'd intended to do the card thing by collectingstuff for it. He thought she had it sorted..... As did you!

wheresthelight Sat 29-Mar-14 22:27:50

aww bless her heart!!! If she had everything sorted i am guessing your dh probably thought she had done it.

Perhaps you could nudge him to get her up a bit earlier tomorrow and help her make it before they 'wake' you so that she feels less upset tomorrow?

hope she is ok!!

Stars66 Sat 29-Mar-14 22:29:42

I totally understand you and think that yes, DH should have ensured that she'd remembered to make it, or supervised or something. I don't make a massive thing of Mother's Day, but there are not many days when you do expect a few little touches, like cards.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 29-Mar-14 22:30:18

It isn't your dhs fault. Maybe it will teach your child to be more organised they all need to learn at some time.
If it means a lot to her she will remember this and it will help her.
let her make the card tomorrow and ask for it at tea time as an extra gift. thanks

PandaPie Sat 29-Mar-14 22:30:57

Thanks where's the light. Joules, I realise I was probably being a bit harsh blaming DH. I was just upset seeing dd welling up telling me about the card and he kinda seemed partially to blame.

Hiphopopotamus Sat 29-Mar-14 22:31:02

Who are all these kids that are all organised and self sufficient at the age of nine?! Nine is still a child that usually needs reminders and help, and has irrational and emotional responses to things. Either that or the rest of MN know very different children to me!

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